酷我-北美枫

[anna]

This tree, not yet grown to be one,
was chopped down to make a tea pot.
Now held by a stranger's hand,
it pours fresh jasmine.

Claiming his appreciation of fine textures
and wooden softness, the stranger embraces
his possession of this ancient elegance.
In the rising vapor, he strolls and smiles,
while the tea pot spills out each drop of fragrance.

Only in this moment does the tea pot remember
where she and her friends belong,
somewhere afar in lush green,
plump fruit hangs and a wounded oak
meditates on her fading dream.



------------

This tree, not yet grown to be one,
was chopped down to make a tea pot.
Now held by a stranger’s hand,
it spreads fresh tea scent.

Claiming his appreciation of fine textures
and wooden softness, the stranger embraces
his possession of this ancient elegance.
In the rising vapor, he strolls and smiles.

It is only in this moment that
the tree remembers where she and her friends belong,
somewhere afar in lush green,
plump fruit hang and an old oak shares his wisdom.

But now the tea pot is held by the stranger’s hand,
pouring out each drop of fragrance.
No one knows that the tree’s wounded roots
are as silent as the little tea pot.
_________________
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

This tree, not yet grown to be one,
was chopped down to make a tea pot.
Now held by a stranger's hand,
it pours fresh jasmine.

Claiming his appreciation of fine textures
and wooden softness, the stranger embraces
his possession of this ancient elegance.
In the rising vapor, he strolls and smiles,
while the tea pot spills out each drop of fragrance.

Only in this moment does the tea pot remember
where she and her friends belong,
somewhere afar in lush green,
plump fruit hangs and a wounded oak
meditates on her fading dream.



------------

This tree, not yet grown to be one,
was chopped down to make a tea pot.
Now held by a stranger’s hand,
it spreads fresh tea scent.

Claiming his appreciation of fine textures
and wooden softness, the stranger embraces
his possession of this ancient elegance.
In the rising vapor, he strolls and smiles.

It is only in this moment that
the tree remembers where she and her friends belong,
somewhere afar in lush green,
plump fruit hang and an old oak shares his wisdom.

But now the tea pot is held by the stranger’s hand,
pouring out each drop of fragrance.
No one knows that the tree’s wounded roots
are as silent as the little tea pot.
_________________
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

Comments from Penshell

Sorry I got carried away Anna! Take or toss what you like.

Anna, this poem is a peach!

This tree, not yet grown to be one,
was chopped down to make a tea pot.
Now held by a stranger's hand,
it spreads fresh tea scent. (I would name the tea. It spreads fresh jasmine, fresh ?)

Claiming his appreciation of fine textures
and wooden softness, the stranger embraces
his possession of this ancient elegance.
In the rising vapor, he strolls and smiles.

It is only in this moment [that] the tree (I would not break on "that" also it seems superfluous here. Also spread is not usually a word used with a liquid. I would find another way to demonstrate the way a fragrance permeates the senses.)
remembers where she and her friends belong,
somewhere afar in lush green,
plump fruit hang and an old oak share[s] (singular) his wisdom.

For me, the poem ends here. I would salvage the two lines and incorporate them in the rest of the poem. The last two lines tell the reader what to think when the poem says it.

Revised possibility with edits:

This tree, not yet grown to be one,
was chopped down to make a tea pot.
Now held by a stranger's hand,
it pours fresh jasmine.

Claiming his appreciation of fine textures
and wooden softness, the stranger embraces
his possession of this ancient elegance.
In the rising vapor, he strolls and smiles.

But now the tea pot spills out
each drop of fragrance.
Only in this moment does it remember
where she and her friends belong,
somewhere afar in lush green,
plump fruit hangs and an old oak
shares his wisdom.

A little confused on the her/his. Is the tree a he or she? Are you trying to personify. I would not personify here because the simplicity and power of the tree remembering who it was - wow Anna that's the stuff!

e
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Comments from Penshell

Sorry I got carried away Anna! Take or toss what you like.

Anna, this poem is a peach!

This tree, not yet grown to be one,
was chopped down to make a tea pot.
Now held by a stranger's hand,
it spreads fresh tea scent. (I would name the tea. It spreads fresh jasmine, fresh ?)

Claiming his appreciation of fine textures
and wooden softness, the stranger embraces
his possession of this ancient elegance.
In the rising vapor, he strolls and smiles.

It is only in this moment [that] the tree (I would not break on "that" also it seems superfluous here. Also spread is not usually a word used with a liquid. I would find another way to demonstrate the way a fragrance permeates the senses.)
remembers where she and her friends belong,
somewhere afar in lush green,
plump fruit hang and an old oak share[s] (singular) his wisdom.

For me, the poem ends here. I would salvage the two lines and incorporate them in the rest of the poem. The last two lines tell the reader what to think when the poem says it.

Revised possibility with edits:

This tree, not yet grown to be one,
was chopped down to make a tea pot.
Now held by a stranger's hand,
it pours fresh jasmine.

Claiming his appreciation of fine textures
and wooden softness, the stranger embraces
his possession of this ancient elegance.
In the rising vapor, he strolls and smiles.

But now the tea pot spills out
each drop of fragrance.
Only in this moment does it remember
where she and her friends belong,
somewhere afar in lush green,
plump fruit hangs and an old oak
shares his wisdom.

A little confused on the her/his. Is the tree a he or she? Are you trying to personify. I would not personify here because the simplicity and power of the tree remembering who it was - wow Anna that's the stuff!

e
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

Hi e,

Yes. You gave me very good suggestions. The switch you made are much effecient and concise. Thanks a lot.

Is she or he? the tree is she. Originally I introduce another person, the oak, he. Now it seems too complicated. So I stick to a simple solution. (She/her)

This is a great help.

Anna
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Hi e,

Yes. You gave me very good suggestions. The switch you made are much effecient and concise. Thanks a lot.

Is she or he? the tree is she. Originally I introduce another person, the oak, he. Now it seems too complicated. So I stick to a simple solution. (She/her)

This is a great help.

Anna
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com