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Drinking Alone by Moonlight (Haiku, new version)

 
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
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二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期一 一月 19, 2009 10:36 am    发表主题: Drinking Alone by Moonlight (Haiku, new version) 引用并回复

Reading and Writing: Life on the Page


Drinking Alone by Moonlight


full moon –
to my two companions
I drink a full cup


Note:

Drinking Alone by Moonlight is written in response to the challenge based on the following claim made by Cor van den Heuvel, who is a haiku poet and veteran editor of numerous anthologies of haiku:

“If a haiku is a good one, it doesn’t matter if the subject has been used before. The writing of variations on certain subjects in haiku, sometimes using the same or similar phrases (or even changing a few words of a previous haiku), is one of the most interesting challenge the genre offers a poet and can result in refreshingly different ways of ‘seeing anew’ for the reader. This is an aspect of traditional Japanese haiku which is hard for many Westerns, with their ideas of uniqueness and Romantic individualism, to accept. But some of the most original voices in haiku do not hesitate to dare seeming derivative if they see a way of reworking an ‘old image.’”

-- The opening paragraph of ‘A Note on the Selection and Layout of the Poems’ to The Haiku Anthology edited by Cor van den Heuvel


It is also written to pay homage to Li Bai, whose name was traditionally pronounced Li Bo or Li Po (depending on the Romanization) and who was part of the group called the "Eight Immortals of the Wine Cup." Li Bai is called the Poet Immortal and often regarded, along with Du Fu, as one of the two greatest poets in China's literary history.
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Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul


最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期二 二月 17, 2009 11:54 pm, 总计第 12 次编辑
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川生[川生]
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七品按察司
(我开始管这里的事儿了)
七品按察司<BR>(我开始管这里的事儿了)


注册时间: 2008-09-18
帖子: 72

帖子发表于: 星期一 一月 19, 2009 1:38 pm    发表主题: Re: Drinking Alone by Moonlight (Haiku) 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:


Drinking Alone by Moonlight (Haiku)


a full moon –
to my two companions, I drink
with a full wine cup



Allusion to Li Bai's poem of the same title.

Why did you use the repetition of "full" in such a short verse form?
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Lake[Lake]
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二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
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来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期一 一月 19, 2009 4:49 pm    发表主题: Re: Drinking Alone by Moonlight (Haiku) 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:



Drinking Alone by Moonlight (Haiku)

a full moon –
to my two companions, I drink
with a full wine cup

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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期二 一月 20, 2009 8:08 am    发表主题: Re: Drinking Alone by Moonlight (Haiku) 引用并回复

川生 写到:


Why did you use the repetition of "full" in such a short verse form?


If you read Basho’s poetry, you will find that he did use the repetition even though haiku is “such a short verse form.”

In the context of my poem, which is about a man drinking alone in the moonlight, one will find that the repetitive use of “full” creates two contrasting images if one pays attention to the punctuation mark, “—”.

Lake 写到:


ericcoliu 写到:



Drinking Alone by Moonlight (Haiku)

a full moon –
to my two companions, I drink
with a full wine cup



Thanks! I've revised my haiku.
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Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
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二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期二 一月 20, 2009 6:43 pm    发表主题: Re: Drinking Alone by Moonlight (Haiku) 引用并回复

川生 写到:


Allusion to Li Bai's poem of the same title.



Yes. Actually, my poem is allusive to the following one of his poems with the same title.


Below is an excerpt from the Wikipedia entry entitled Li Bai

"One of Li Bai's most famous poems is Drinking Alone by Moonlight (月下獨酌), which is a good example of some of the most famous aspects of his poetry -- a very spontaneous poem, full of natural imagery and anthropomorphism. Li Bai actually wrote several poems with the same title; Arthur Waley's version of the most famous reads:[6]

花間一壺酒。 A cup of wine, under the flowering trees;
獨酌無相親。 I drink alone, for no friend is near.
舉杯邀明月。 Raising my cup I beckon the bright moon,
對影成三人。 For her, with my shadow, will make three people.

月既不解飲。 The moon, alas, is no drinker of wine;
影徒隨我身。 Listless, my shadow creeps about at my side.
暫伴月將影。 Yet with the moon as friend and the shadow as slave
行樂須及春。 I must make merry before the Spring is spent.

我歌月徘徊。 To the songs I sing the moon flickers her beams;
我舞影零亂。 In the dance I weave my shadow tangles and breaks.
醒時同交歡。 While we were sober, three shared the fun;
醉後各分散。 Now we are drunk, each goes their way.
永結無情遊。 May we long share our eternal friendship,
相期邈雲漢。 And meet at last on the Cloudy River of the sky."
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Champagne[Champagne]
Champagne作品集

四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2007-09-15
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来自: Nowhere & Everywhere

帖子发表于: 星期二 一月 20, 2009 11:27 pm    发表主题: Re: Drinking Alone by Moonlight (Haiku) 引用并回复

川生 写到:


Why did you use the repetition of "full" in such a short verse form?



The following is an example of a "use of the repetition in such a short verse form:"

willow and cherry
willow and cherry –
riverbank

-- Kodojin

Below is my take:

a full moon --
raising a full cup, I drink
to my two companions
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I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.
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浴恩福[浴恩福]
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六品通判
(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
六品通判<BR>(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)


注册时间: 2008-05-08
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来自: 多倫多

帖子发表于: 星期六 二月 07, 2009 11:02 am    发表主题: Re: Drinking Alone by Moonlight (Haiku) 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:


Drinking Alone by Moonlight (Haiku)


a full moon –
to my two companions, I drink
with a full cup



Champagne 写到:


a full moon --
raising a full cup, I drink
to my two companions


I like ericcoliu's version, in which the use of repetition of "full" in the opening and closing lines and the contrasting images they convey is more emotive and evocative.
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期六 二月 07, 2009 5:29 pm    发表主题: Re: Drinking Alone by Moonlight (Haiku) 引用并回复

浴恩福 写到:


I like ericcoliu's version, in which the use of repetition of "full" in the opening and closing lines and the contrasting images they convey is more emotive and evocative.


Thank you so much for your discerning eye and encouraging comments.

Below is a comprehensive collection of translations of Li Bai’s poem by an anonymous blogger
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
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二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期五 二月 13, 2009 4:31 pm    发表主题: Re: Drinking Alone by Moonlight (Haiku) 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:


川生 写到:


Why did you use the repetition of "full" in such a short verse form?


If you read Basho’s poetry, you will find that he did use the repetition even though haiku is “such a short verse form.”



traveling through the world --
to and fro, to and fro
harrowing the small field

-- Basho
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Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
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二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期六 二月 14, 2009 4:56 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

I've revised my poem and added a note to it.
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
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二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期二 二月 17, 2009 11:54 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Below are replies from my poet friends at another forum:

I am breathless. Moon, slave (shadow), and poet, drinking could never have more competent companions.

-- Sergio Ortiz

I really like this a lot.

I think it's beautiful, and even if the subject has been used before, you made it your own.

-- Brianna

An alpha-plus ku.

The very stuff classics are made of.

-- Jane Røken
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