酷我-北美枫

[anna]

I hid the poem since I want to submit to USA magazines.

[[星子安娜]]

I hid the poem since I want to submit to USA magazines.

[anna]

Anna,
I absolutely love those first two lines and also the next three, wonderful work and coveted. My only suggestion is here...

It is not for increasing its value,
nor making it pretty,
only because you live in.

I wonder about that last in, perhaps it could be inside instead of in. I get the feeling this is about you even though you speak in third person but for me it works because the title says The Woman with Her House so she is the you. Line breaks might need a tidy up, if I have time later I'll tinker with them and post for you to consider.
Bren




I like it I would pare down some of the ing verbs and go with
breathe instead of breathing
to add instead of adding
that imitate instead of imatating

for me to many ing verbs dilute

enjoyed reading you again

best,

Sue
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Anna,
I absolutely love those first two lines and also the next three, wonderful work and coveted. My only suggestion is here...

It is not for increasing its value,
nor making it pretty,
only because you live in.

I wonder about that last in, perhaps it could be inside instead of in. I get the feeling this is about you even though you speak in third person but for me it works because the title says The Woman with Her House so she is the you. Line breaks might need a tidy up, if I have time later I'll tinker with them and post for you to consider.
Bren




I like it I would pare down some of the ing verbs and go with
breathe instead of breathing
to add instead of adding
that imitate instead of imatating

for me to many ing verbs dilute

enjoyed reading you again

best,

Sue
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

Some comments from penshell

The simplicity and the beauty of this poem
is what I find very compelling. The opening lines
I believe could be taken two ways.
One way, is actually breathing "in" the languages,
or...breathing as two different languages. I hope that makes
sense how I saw those lines. I see them as breathing
in the languages as inhaling the languages.

That being said, the poem to follow is just wonderful.
A house being the memory instead of holding it,
or offering it. Houses do that, they offer us so much
of our lives and if one is fortunate enough they can
revisit the houses that they once lived in, if they want to
that is.

I saw the adding of more windows as a kind of reaching
out to the world outside, wanting to leave but wanting
to stay. I love that.

The whispers took over the action toward the end
and for some reason. I wanted it to be the wind
doing that. But the general meaning is so clear to me.

The blending of the house and the persona of the
house in this person's life I really enjoyed.

Cass


The extended metaphor - of memory as a kind of house that we retain in our minds and occasionally rebuild - is beautifully done. Revision works very well. The speaker's dual ethnicity is made clear through the early reference to languages. The two "yards" might allude to the two disparate cultures. The final strophe so delicately conveys the difficulty that many bicultural citizens face when the larger society fails to understand them. The memory-house becomes a security against misinterpretation. The windows suggest a need to communicate more fully, both ways.

Lovely work, Anna! I always enjoy reading your poems about your experiences, living in and bridging two very different worlds.

Brenda
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Some comments from penshell

The simplicity and the beauty of this poem
is what I find very compelling. The opening lines
I believe could be taken two ways.
One way, is actually breathing "in" the languages,
or...breathing as two different languages. I hope that makes
sense how I saw those lines. I see them as breathing
in the languages as inhaling the languages.

That being said, the poem to follow is just wonderful.
A house being the memory instead of holding it,
or offering it. Houses do that, they offer us so much
of our lives and if one is fortunate enough they can
revisit the houses that they once lived in, if they want to
that is.

I saw the adding of more windows as a kind of reaching
out to the world outside, wanting to leave but wanting
to stay. I love that.

The whispers took over the action toward the end
and for some reason. I wanted it to be the wind
doing that. But the general meaning is so clear to me.

The blending of the house and the persona of the
house in this person's life I really enjoyed.

Cass


The extended metaphor - of memory as a kind of house that we retain in our minds and occasionally rebuild - is beautifully done. Revision works very well. The speaker's dual ethnicity is made clear through the early reference to languages. The two "yards" might allude to the two disparate cultures. The final strophe so delicately conveys the difficulty that many bicultural citizens face when the larger society fails to understand them. The memory-house becomes a security against misinterpretation. The windows suggest a need to communicate more fully, both ways.

Lovely work, Anna! I always enjoy reading your poems about your experiences, living in and bridging two very different worlds.

Brenda
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[星子]

this has been in final list for an international poetry contest.

final result will be listed on March.
_________________

[[ANNA]]

this has been in final list for an international poetry contest.

final result will be listed on March.
_________________