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Sevenling: A China Man's Progress (revised)

 
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浴恩福[浴恩福]
浴恩福作品集

六品通判
(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
六品通判<BR>(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)


注册时间: 2008-05-08
帖子: 123
来自: 多倫多

帖子发表于: 星期六 十一月 08, 2008 2:07 pm    发表主题: Sevenling: A China Man's Progress (revised) 引用并回复

Sevenling: A China Man's Progress


is dedicated to my grandfather,
a subject of a collapsing Imperial Qing China at birth,
a Chinese national of the first republican state in Asia at age one,

a liberated citizen of a new China at age 39,
a permanent resident of U.S.A. at age 80,
an American citizen when he died at age 90.

He never knew the 26 letters of the English alphabet.
_________________
報三恩、耕三大福田


最后进行编辑的是 浴恩福 on 星期五 十一月 28, 2008 1:50 pm, 总计第 2 次编辑
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Champagne[Champagne]
Champagne作品集

四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2007-09-15
帖子: 394
来自: Nowhere & Everywhere

帖子发表于: 星期六 十一月 08, 2008 11:40 pm    发表主题: Re: Sevenling: A Chinese’s Progress 引用并回复

浴恩福 写到:


Sevenling: A Chinese’s Progress


A Chinese’s Progress is dedicated to my grandfather,
who was a subject of Imperial Qing China at birth,
a Chinese national of the first republic state in Asia at age one,

a liberated citizen of a new China at age 39,
a permanent resident of U.S.A. at age 80,
and, in 2000, at age 90, died as an American citizen.

He knew none of 26 English alphabets
.


The concluding line is powerful, which gives a feeling that only part of the story is being told. The poem has a certain ambience which invites guesswork from the reader.
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
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二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期日 十一月 09, 2008 9:57 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

I enjoyed reading your poem, which historizes the life events of a Chinese man who had lived through the 20th century.

And the title of your poem is thought-provoking.

A Chinese's progress

might be

A Chinese Man's Progress

or Chinese Progress
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul


最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期二 十一月 25, 2008 5:38 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑
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浴恩福[浴恩福]
浴恩福作品集

六品通判
(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
六品通判<BR>(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)


注册时间: 2008-05-08
帖子: 123
来自: 多倫多

帖子发表于: 星期一 十一月 10, 2008 10:30 am    发表主题: Re: Sevenling: A Chinese’s Progress 引用并回复

Champagne 写到:


The concluding line is powerful, which gives a feeling that only part of the story is being told. The poem has a certain ambience which invites guesswork from the reader.


Yes, a sharp eye for my sevenling.
_________________
報三恩、耕三大福田
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浴恩福[浴恩福]
浴恩福作品集

六品通判
(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
六品通判<BR>(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)


注册时间: 2008-05-08
帖子: 123
来自: 多倫多

帖子发表于: 星期一 十一月 10, 2008 10:30 am    发表主题: Re: Sevenling: A Chinese’s Progress 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:


I enjoyed reading your poem, which historizes the life events of a Chinese who had lived through the 20th century.

And the title of your poem is thought-provoking.


These are my intentions. In doing so, I hope that my poem will stimulate a different way of thinking about the crucial issue regarding the Chinese diaspora.
_________________
報三恩、耕三大福田
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christine[christine]
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四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2008-02-25
帖子: 304

帖子发表于: 星期五 十一月 14, 2008 10:49 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:


And the title of your poem is thought-provoking.


Yes.

浴恩福 写到:


Sevenling: A Chinese’s Progress


A Chinese’s Progress is dedicated to my grandfather,
who was a subject of Imperial Qing China at birth,
a Chinese national of the first republic state in Asia at age one,

a liberated citizen of a new China at age 39,
a permanent resident of U.S.A. at age 80,
and, in 2000, at age 90, died as an American citizen.

He knew none of 26 English alphabets.


Good choices of words and phrases, which stir the mind of the attentive reader.
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fanfan[FAFAFA]
fanfan作品集

四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2007-12-27
帖子: 353
来自: Canada

帖子发表于: 星期二 十一月 18, 2008 9:56 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

christine 写到:


ericcoliu 写到:


And the title of your poem is thought-provoking.


Yes.



Indeed.

浴恩福 写到:


Sevenling: A Chinese’s Progress


A Chinese’s Progress is dedicated to my grandfather,


The poem itself is self-referential.
_________________
Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon.
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浴恩福[浴恩福]
浴恩福作品集

六品通判
(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
六品通判<BR>(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)


注册时间: 2008-05-08
帖子: 123
来自: 多倫多

帖子发表于: 星期五 十一月 21, 2008 1:38 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

christine 写到:


Good choices of words and phrases, which stir the mind of the attentive reader.


fanfan 写到:


浴恩福 写到:


Sevenling: A Chinese’s Progress


A Chinese’s Progress is dedicated to my grandfather,


The poem itself is self-referential.


Thanks for close reading and a discerning eye for my piece.
_________________
報三恩、耕三大福田
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川生[川生]
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七品按察司
(我开始管这里的事儿了)
七品按察司<BR>(我开始管这里的事儿了)


注册时间: 2008-09-18
帖子: 72

帖子发表于: 星期二 十一月 25, 2008 1:12 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

浴恩福 写到:


A Chinese’s Progress is dedicated to my grandfather,


The poem itself is self-referential.

Thanks for close reading and a discerning eye for my piece.[/quote]

How about using a run-on title?
_________________
Lines go off in all directions.
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浴恩福[浴恩福]
浴恩福作品集

六品通判
(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
六品通判<BR>(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)


注册时间: 2008-05-08
帖子: 123
来自: 多倫多

帖子发表于: 星期五 十一月 28, 2008 1:41 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:


A Chinese's progress

might be

A Chinese Man's Progress

or Chinese Progress


Sorry! I missed your comments last time when I logged on to this forum.

Thanks for your suggestions. I changed the title to "A China Man's Progress," and made some revisions to my poem.

川生 写到:


How about using a run-on title?


Yes. Thanks for your valuable suggestion.
_________________
報三恩、耕三大福田
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fanfan[FAFAFA]
fanfan作品集

四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2007-12-27
帖子: 353
来自: Canada

帖子发表于: 星期日 十二月 14, 2008 12:35 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

I like your new title, which makes not only a literary allusion to China Men by Maxine Hong Kingston, but also a historic allusion to the racial slur Chinaman.
_________________
Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon.
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浴恩福[浴恩福]
浴恩福作品集

六品通判
(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
六品通判<BR>(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)


注册时间: 2008-05-08
帖子: 123
来自: 多倫多

帖子发表于: 星期六 十二月 27, 2008 2:44 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Yes, these are my intentions.

I like my poem to have the allusive character, which can speak to and engage in dialogue with other literary texts.
_________________
報三恩、耕三大福田
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