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浴恩福[浴恩福] 浴恩福作品集 六品通判 (官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
注册时间: 2008-05-08 帖子: 123 来自: 多倫多
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发表于: 星期六 十一月 08, 2008 2:07 pm 发表主题: Sevenling: A China Man's Progress (revised) |
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Sevenling: A China Man's Progress
is dedicated to my grandfather,
a subject of a collapsing Imperial Qing China at birth,
a Chinese national of the first republican state in Asia at age one,
a liberated citizen of a new China at age 39,
a permanent resident of U.S.A. at age 80,
an American citizen when he died at age 90.
He never knew the 26 letters of the English alphabet. _________________ 報三恩、耕三大福田
最后进行编辑的是 浴恩福 on 星期五 十一月 28, 2008 1:50 pm, 总计第 2 次编辑 |
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Champagne[Champagne] Champagne作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-09-15 帖子: 394 来自: Nowhere & Everywhere
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发表于: 星期六 十一月 08, 2008 11:40 pm 发表主题: Re: Sevenling: A Chinese’s Progress |
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浴恩福 写到: |
Sevenling: A Chinese’s Progress
A Chinese’s Progress is dedicated to my grandfather,
who was a subject of Imperial Qing China at birth,
a Chinese national of the first republic state in Asia at age one,
a liberated citizen of a new China at age 39,
a permanent resident of U.S.A. at age 80,
and, in 2000, at age 90, died as an American citizen.
He knew none of 26 English alphabets. |
The concluding line is powerful, which gives a feeling that only part of the story is being told. The poem has a certain ambience which invites guesswork from the reader. _________________ I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy. |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期日 十一月 09, 2008 9:57 am 发表主题: |
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I enjoyed reading your poem, which historizes the life events of a Chinese man who had lived through the 20th century.
And the title of your poem is thought-provoking.
A Chinese's progress
might be
A Chinese Man's Progress
or Chinese Progress _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期二 十一月 25, 2008 5:38 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
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浴恩福[浴恩福] 浴恩福作品集 六品通判 (官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
注册时间: 2008-05-08 帖子: 123 来自: 多倫多
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发表于: 星期一 十一月 10, 2008 10:30 am 发表主题: Re: Sevenling: A Chinese’s Progress |
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Champagne 写到: |
The concluding line is powerful, which gives a feeling that only part of the story is being told. The poem has a certain ambience which invites guesswork from the reader. |
Yes, a sharp eye for my sevenling. _________________ 報三恩、耕三大福田 |
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浴恩福[浴恩福] 浴恩福作品集 六品通判 (官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
注册时间: 2008-05-08 帖子: 123 来自: 多倫多
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发表于: 星期一 十一月 10, 2008 10:30 am 发表主题: Re: Sevenling: A Chinese’s Progress |
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ericcoliu 写到: |
I enjoyed reading your poem, which historizes the life events of a Chinese who had lived through the 20th century.
And the title of your poem is thought-provoking. |
These are my intentions. In doing so, I hope that my poem will stimulate a different way of thinking about the crucial issue regarding the Chinese diaspora. _________________ 報三恩、耕三大福田 |
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christine[christine] christine作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2008-02-25 帖子: 304
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发表于: 星期五 十一月 14, 2008 10:49 am 发表主题: |
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ericcoliu 写到: |
And the title of your poem is thought-provoking. |
Yes.
浴恩福 写到: |
Sevenling: A Chinese’s Progress
A Chinese’s Progress is dedicated to my grandfather,
who was a subject of Imperial Qing China at birth,
a Chinese national of the first republic state in Asia at age one,
a liberated citizen of a new China at age 39,
a permanent resident of U.S.A. at age 80,
and, in 2000, at age 90, died as an American citizen.
He knew none of 26 English alphabets. |
Good choices of words and phrases, which stir the mind of the attentive reader. |
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fanfan[FAFAFA] fanfan作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-12-27 帖子: 353 来自: Canada
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发表于: 星期二 十一月 18, 2008 9:56 pm 发表主题: |
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christine 写到: |
ericcoliu 写到: |
And the title of your poem is thought-provoking. |
Yes.
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Indeed.
浴恩福 写到: |
Sevenling: A Chinese’s Progress
A Chinese’s Progress is dedicated to my grandfather,
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The poem itself is self-referential. _________________ Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
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浴恩福[浴恩福] 浴恩福作品集 六品通判 (官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
注册时间: 2008-05-08 帖子: 123 来自: 多倫多
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发表于: 星期五 十一月 21, 2008 1:38 pm 发表主题: |
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christine 写到: |
Good choices of words and phrases, which stir the mind of the attentive reader. |
fanfan 写到: |
浴恩福 写到: |
Sevenling: A Chinese’s Progress
A Chinese’s Progress is dedicated to my grandfather,
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The poem itself is self-referential. |
Thanks for close reading and a discerning eye for my piece. _________________ 報三恩、耕三大福田 |
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川生[川生] 川生作品集 七品按察司 (我开始管这里的事儿了)
注册时间: 2008-09-18 帖子: 72
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发表于: 星期二 十一月 25, 2008 1:12 pm 发表主题: |
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浴恩福 写到: |
A Chinese’s Progress is dedicated to my grandfather,
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The poem itself is self-referential.
Thanks for close reading and a discerning eye for my piece.[/quote]
How about using a run-on title? _________________ Lines go off in all directions. |
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浴恩福[浴恩福] 浴恩福作品集 六品通判 (官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
注册时间: 2008-05-08 帖子: 123 来自: 多倫多
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发表于: 星期五 十一月 28, 2008 1:41 pm 发表主题: |
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ericcoliu 写到: |
A Chinese's progress
might be
A Chinese Man's Progress
or Chinese Progress |
Sorry! I missed your comments last time when I logged on to this forum.
Thanks for your suggestions. I changed the title to "A China Man's Progress," and made some revisions to my poem.
川生 写到: |
How about using a run-on title? |
Yes. Thanks for your valuable suggestion. _________________ 報三恩、耕三大福田 |
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fanfan[FAFAFA] fanfan作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-12-27 帖子: 353 来自: Canada
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发表于: 星期日 十二月 14, 2008 12:35 pm 发表主题: |
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I like your new title, which makes not only a literary allusion to China Men by Maxine Hong Kingston, but also a historic allusion to the racial slur Chinaman. _________________ Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
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浴恩福[浴恩福] 浴恩福作品集 六品通判 (官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
注册时间: 2008-05-08 帖子: 123 来自: 多倫多
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发表于: 星期六 十二月 27, 2008 2:44 pm 发表主题: |
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Yes, these are my intentions.
I like my poem to have the allusive character, which can speak to and engage in dialogue with other literary texts. _________________ 報三恩、耕三大福田 |
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