酷我-北美枫

[Lake]

no matter how civilized
there’s always a primitive impulse –
to leap, swing, fly
across undulating grassland
into vast unknown sky;

to explore what can be done
or how far to run.

try.


(changed the last word "try" to "swing".)
Now, put "try" back again.

[[Lake]]

no matter how civilized
there’s always a primitive impulse –
to leap, swing, fly
across undulating grassland
into vast unknown sky;

to explore what can be done
or how far to run.

try.


(changed the last word "try" to "swing".)
Now, put "try" back again.

[星子]

Yesterday we had a poetry event.

After open mic, we chatted. I talked with a freelance writer and poet about poetry workshop. I wonder how much we should be nice to each other.

We all agreed that being nice sometimes didn't help a lot.

Yes. when in the beginning, we all need encouragement. But after a while, one should have the courage to embrace and welcome the honest feedback.
Sometimes, I really think what pushes us most is not the nice word but critiques.

There is a strict critique group getting together each month. I have no time to join. I will try to join them next year.


Now back to this poem, I think your title sets the soft tone

but the whole poem too narrative

try to use images and let them speak.
_________________

[[ANNA]]

Yesterday we had a poetry event.

After open mic, we chatted. I talked with a freelance writer and poet about poetry workshop. I wonder how much we should be nice to each other.

We all agreed that being nice sometimes didn't help a lot.

Yes. when in the beginning, we all need encouragement. But after a while, one should have the courage to embrace and welcome the honest feedback.
Sometimes, I really think what pushes us most is not the nice word but critiques.

There is a strict critique group getting together each month. I have no time to join. I will try to join them next year.


Now back to this poem, I think your title sets the soft tone

but the whole poem too narrative

try to use images and let them speak.
_________________

[Lake]

星子,

Thanks for your frankness.

A kindly reminder though: when you comment on a poem (on mine, of course), just say what you like and what you don't and give the reasons why, or give concrete suggestions, that'll be even better. However, there is no need to tell me the story about "sweet talk". That hurts! I'm fairly trained in taking critiques if not so in poetry writing. Besides, heavy critiques can be delivered in a nice, respectful way.

Hope you understand what I mean.

Frankly,

Lake

[[Lake]]

星子,

Thanks for your frankness.

A kindly reminder though: when you comment on a poem (on mine, of course), just say what you like and what you don't and give the reasons why, or give concrete suggestions, that'll be even better. However, there is no need to tell me the story about "sweet talk". That hurts! I'm fairly trained in taking critiques if not so in poetry writing. Besides, heavy critiques can be delivered in a nice, respectful way.

Hope you understand what I mean.

Frankly,

Lake

[星子]

Hi Lake,

What I said in my last post was my experience.
Really. People who truly love poetry won’t give up because of critiques or nice words. I trust you too, so I said that here.
Your other poems have better images and wording well too. I think this one needs some work. (I could say more here, but..)
Maybe I try to raise the bar too high. I find we need to come back to re-think and revise it often for better poems.
I still remember the process of re-editing my poem “I remember how a sand clock sounds”.
Before I even haven’t thought a title for it since I thought it may be no use to work on it. After you and others’ comments, I tried to re-think and re-vise it. I trimmed my thoughts again. If with nice words, I would not bother to fix the problem and I also knew the nice word just to be nice. But the good thing was you shared your frankness for pointing it lacking connection and images were not clearly to express the meaning. True. Writers know themselves. Sometimes they just denied that weakness. So when someone dared to point it out, there would be a push for the fix. I have a few friends comments on my poems and I always know whose to take in.
In other English poetry forum, I also share my frankness, and they know what to take.
As for more nice words, I believe others will say more. So I will leave that for those people.

I do understand what you want to say and do hope I can say as others like. (I know other poets who write poems in Chinese here complain too) But you know that is me, for many years, hard to change…… better to say nothing for now?
_________________

[[ANNA]]

Hi Lake,

What I said in my last post was my experience.
Really. People who truly love poetry won’t give up because of critiques or nice words. I trust you too, so I said that here.
Your other poems have better images and wording well too. I think this one needs some work. (I could say more here, but..)
Maybe I try to raise the bar too high. I find we need to come back to re-think and revise it often for better poems.
I still remember the process of re-editing my poem “I remember how a sand clock sounds”.
Before I even haven’t thought a title for it since I thought it may be no use to work on it. After you and others’ comments, I tried to re-think and re-vise it. I trimmed my thoughts again. If with nice words, I would not bother to fix the problem and I also knew the nice word just to be nice. But the good thing was you shared your frankness for pointing it lacking connection and images were not clearly to express the meaning. True. Writers know themselves. Sometimes they just denied that weakness. So when someone dared to point it out, there would be a push for the fix. I have a few friends comments on my poems and I always know whose to take in.
In other English poetry forum, I also share my frankness, and they know what to take.
As for more nice words, I believe others will say more. So I will leave that for those people.

I do understand what you want to say and do hope I can say as others like. (I know other poets who write poems in Chinese here complain too) But you know that is me, for many years, hard to change…… better to say nothing for now?
_________________

[Lake]

星子,

I think you missed my point. I have no problem revising my stuff, and I sincerely thank and give credits to those who give me suggestions that help me improve my works. And I always keep the original (or make a note of what corrections are made) as another way to show my gratitude to the suggestion givers. Even this one I'll take another look after your comment.

The point is there's no need to tell me (maybe necessary to others) the uselessness of kindness in commenting. I repeat it's not the crit that hurts, it's the story you quoted that hurts. And you say "That was four years ago"? Not yesterday in your first reply?

From what you said here:

[[Lake]]

星子,

I think you missed my point. I have no problem revising my stuff, and I sincerely thank and give credits to those who give me suggestions that help me improve my works. And I always keep the original (or make a note of what corrections are made) as another way to show my gratitude to the suggestion givers. Even this one I'll take another look after your comment.

The point is there's no need to tell me (maybe necessary to others) the uselessness of kindness in commenting. I repeat it's not the crit that hurts, it's the story you quoted that hurts. And you say "That was four years ago"? Not yesterday in your first reply?

From what you said here:

[星子]

Hi Lake,

"Four years ago, ", I deleted the sentence since it was personal story. (sorry for the confusion)

Yesterday we talked about poetry workshop...

Different people have different opinions on each poem, so it is the right of the poet to take in which fits his. It doesn't mean he did not appreciate the comments. I guess you misunderstand me too.

In fact some people are very good at giving comments and suggestions, some may not sure how to or dare to. So there is the difference.

I guess in forum, there is common sense about taking in comments or not.

It is not about wasting time or not, just different view to present.
_________________

[[ANNA]]

Hi Lake,

"Four years ago, ", I deleted the sentence since it was personal story. (sorry for the confusion)

Yesterday we talked about poetry workshop...

Different people have different opinions on each poem, so it is the right of the poet to take in which fits his. It doesn't mean he did not appreciate the comments. I guess you misunderstand me too.

In fact some people are very good at giving comments and suggestions, some may not sure how to or dare to. So there is the difference.

I guess in forum, there is common sense about taking in comments or not.

It is not about wasting time or not, just different view to present.
_________________

[Lake]

星子,

If you had said "what to take, what not to take", instead of "whose to take and whose not to take", I wouldn't have "misunderstood" you. And you're sure "I always know whose to take in", aren't you? Congrats!

Different opinions, exactly, comment on the poem, nothing else. How many times do I have to repeat this?

[[Lake]]

星子,

If you had said "what to take, what not to take", instead of "whose to take and whose not to take", I wouldn't have "misunderstood" you. And you're sure "I always know whose to take in", aren't you? Congrats!

Different opinions, exactly, comment on the poem, nothing else. How many times do I have to repeat this?

[Lake]

Since the tone is mentioned, I'll quote a comment only on this respect.


Love the carefree sense in your poem :

"... a primitive impulse –
to jump, swing, fly
across the undulating grassland
into the vast unknown sky;"

You capture a lovely moment when the physical world invites and releases that innate impulse to be free of all fears and barriers.

[[Lake]]

Since the tone is mentioned, I'll quote a comment only on this respect.


Love the carefree sense in your poem :

"... a primitive impulse –
to jump, swing, fly
across the undulating grassland
into the vast unknown sky;"

You capture a lovely moment when the physical world invites and releases that innate impulse to be free of all fears and barriers.

[Champagne]

[[Champagne]]

[ericcoliu]

The title is visually imaginative.

[[ericcoliu]]

The title is visually imaginative.

[星子]

Hi Lake,

Yes. You are right about the common sense: What to take not whose to take.
But I do have a few good friends to trust, to listen to their comments who are good poets from Penshell and another forums, or my local poet group.

A few new members I always check what they say for others when I am not sure about their comments.

So that is what I mean about I know whose I could take...
_________________

[[ANNA]]

Hi Lake,

Yes. You are right about the common sense: What to take not whose to take.
But I do have a few good friends to trust, to listen to their comments who are good poets from Penshell and another forums, or my local poet group.

A few new members I always check what they say for others when I am not sure about their comments.

So that is what I mean about I know whose I could take...
_________________

[温暖的水獸]

[[温暖的水獸]]

[Lake]

Not only do I listen to my poet friends, I also listen to non-friend poets, non-poet friends, even strangers. Usually, friends are familiar with your styles, your ways of expressions and your ideas. Sometimes too familiar, they get used to your stuff, they even overlook some errors.

I didn't mean they didn't give you good suggestions, it is just that some mistakes could easily be missed out due to familiarity. While other people, though their comments may not be well presented, not professionally worded, they may provide another way of looking at your poems, another perspective.

And thanks guys for your input, I'll take it into consideration.

[[Lake]]

Not only do I listen to my poet friends, I also listen to non-friend poets, non-poet friends, even strangers. Usually, friends are familiar with your styles, your ways of expressions and your ideas. Sometimes too familiar, they get used to your stuff, they even overlook some errors.

I didn't mean they didn't give you good suggestions, it is just that some mistakes could easily be missed out due to familiarity. While other people, though their comments may not be well presented, not professionally worded, they may provide another way of looking at your poems, another perspective.

And thanks guys for your input, I'll take it into consideration.

[ericcoliu]

In my view, friends treat your work, good or bad, seriously because they know that's part of you. They don't sweet-talk you, but are honest with you.

As a writer who is supposed to be a wordsmith, one should treat each piece of writing as seriously as possible, which means that one, at least, read and think through the work once before making any comments. Otherwise, the title is just merely a joke. This has nothing to do with knowledge or skills, but the attitude -- the way "the writer" treats a piece of writing.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul

[[ericcoliu]]

In my view, friends treat your work, good or bad, seriously because they know that's part of you. They don't sweet-talk you, but are honest with you.

As a writer who is supposed to be a wordsmith, one should treat each piece of writing as seriously as possible, which means that one, at least, read and think through the work once before making any comments. Otherwise, the title is just merely a joke. This has nothing to do with knowledge or skills, but the attitude -- the way "the writer" treats a piece of writing.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul

[Lake]

[[Lake]]