阅读上一个主题 :: 阅读下一个主题 |
作者 |
留言 |
ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
|
发表于: 星期三 十月 22, 2008 4:38 pm 发表主题: The Confession of a Poet (revised) |
|
|
Reading and Writing: Life on the Page
The Confession of a Poet
Raising my eyes
towards the bright sky
I didn't see God
but his light was sharply shining
Bowing my head
I gazed at my self
and saw a body
youthful, alone and consuming itself
I walked down the road
under the fleeting clouds
and lived out my carefree days
Note:
The Confession of a Poet is a tribute poem to the late Italian film director and poet Pier Paolo Pasolini. While writing this, it was if he were whispering the verse to me himself. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期五 十二月 26, 2008 3:37 pm, 总计第 8 次编辑 |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
|
发表于: 星期三 十月 22, 2008 7:40 pm 发表主题: Re: The Confession of a Poet: The Best of Youth |
|
|
The Confession of a Poet is also my poetic response to My Confession:
There is a time for anything, and everything is under His watch:
a time when I am indifferent to God's existence,
a time when I am questioned about God's existence,
a time when I interrogate God's existence,
a time when I believe in God's existence,
a time when I pray to God,
a time when I ache for God,
a time when I cast doubt on God,
a time when I have anger toward God.
There is a time when I call out to God in the dark,
but no one seems to be there.
Will he be here, standing by me?
I don’t know. Is there a God?
Just forget the mind-boggling and soul-haunting question: "My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken Me?'" -- Psalm 22:1. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
dundas[dundas] dundas作品集 五品知州 (再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
注册时间: 2008-02-23 帖子: 214
|
发表于: 星期四 十月 23, 2008 2:28 pm 发表主题: Re: The Confession of a Poet |
|
|
ericcoliu 写到: |
The Confession of a Poet
I didn’t see God
but his light was piercingly shining
|
Audaciously declarative message.
ericcoliu 写到: |
The Confession of a Poet
I walked down the road
under the fleeting clouds
to live out my best days
|
My suggestion would be:
living out your carefree days of youth. _________________ My throat knew thirst before the structure
Of skin and vein around the well |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
|
发表于: 星期四 十月 23, 2008 10:36 pm 发表主题: Re: The Confession of a Poet |
|
|
dundas 写到: |
My suggestion would be:
living out your carefree days of youth. |
Good. Thanks for the read and your helpful suggestion. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
christine[christine] christine作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2008-02-25 帖子: 304
|
发表于: 星期五 十月 24, 2008 6:26 pm 发表主题: Re: The Confession of a Poet |
|
|
ericcoliu 写到: |
The Confession of a Poet
Raising my eyes
staring into the bright sky
I didn’t see God
but his light was piercingly shining
Bowing my head
gazing at my self
I saw a body
youthful, alone and consuming itself
|
Contrasting images.
dundas 写到: |
I didn’t see God
but his light was piercingly shining
Audaciously declarative message.
|
Really? In my view, these lines reveal a cynical tone. |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
|
发表于: 星期五 十月 24, 2008 7:22 pm 发表主题: Re: The Confession of a Poet |
|
|
christine 写到: |
Really? In my view, these lines reveal a cynical tone. |
A discerning eye for my poem. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
|
发表于: 星期日 十月 26, 2008 8:23 am 发表主题: |
|
|
I've revised my poem and made it further tightened up. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
|
发表于: 星期一 十月 27, 2008 1:56 pm 发表主题: Re: The Confession of a Poet (revised) |
|
|
ericcoliu 写到: | The Confession of a Poet
Raising my eyes
staring into the bright sky
I didn’t see God
but his light was piercingly shining
Bowing my head
gazing at my self
I saw a body
youthful, alone and consuming itself
Walking down the road
under the fleeting clouds
I lived out my carefree days
Note:
The Confession of a Poet is a tribute poem to the late Italian film director and poet Pier Paolo Pasolini. While writing this, it was if he were whispering the verse to me himself. |
I can't help thinking of 举头望明月,低头...
One nit, -ing can be used to make up syllables in metered poems, but in this short poem there are a bit too many -ings. Other than that, a good one.
Just a thought. |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
|
发表于: 星期二 十月 28, 2008 8:16 pm 发表主题: Re: The Confession of a Poet (revised) |
|
|
Lake 写到: |
One nit, -ing can be used to make up syllables in metered poems, but in this short poem there are a bit too many -ings. Other than that, a good one.
|
Good point. Thanks for your helpful advice, upon which my revision is based. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
|
发表于: 星期三 十月 29, 2008 9:12 pm 发表主题: |
|
|
Read your revised, but not sure why you used the past tense, not present. Sorry for the question. |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
|
发表于: 星期四 十月 30, 2008 4:57 pm 发表主题: |
|
|
Lake 写到: | Read your revised, but not sure why you used the past tense, not present. Sorry for the question. |
Lake,
Thank you for coming back to my poem. And your question is very good.
This poem is written from the perspective of an atheist sensualist who looks back on the carefree days of his youth.
It originally was named The Best of Youth, whose title comes from a Pasolini poem. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
|
返回页首 |
|
|
|