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Border Crossings (revised)

 
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期日 七月 06, 2008 3:06 pm    发表主题: Border Crossings (revised) 引用并回复

Reading, Writing, and Life on the Page

Border Crossings


A newcomer to Ajax,
you've stayed there six years;
but at night in dreams,
Taipei is still your hometown.

Today, you drove south
across the Canada/USA border
and were awakened:
Ajax is now your home.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul


最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期五 七月 25, 2008 3:20 pm, 总计第 4 次编辑
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期日 七月 06, 2008 3:20 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:


Border Crossings

A newcomer to Ajax,
you stayed there six years;



I immigrated to Canada on July 7th, 2002. One and a half months later, I finally settled in Ajax, a town located in the Golden Horseshoe of south central Ontario, where I've been struggling with a life in transition and translation.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul


最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期五 八月 15, 2008 2:38 pm, 总计第 2 次编辑
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期日 七月 06, 2008 3:27 pm    发表主题: Re: Border Crossings 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:


Border Crossings

in dreams
missing your hometown, Taipei.




Taipei is the capital city of Taiwan and the place where I grew up. On the eve of my immigration to Canada, I had a hard time deciding what kinds of clothes I should bring with me. Sitting idly by the edge of my bed for moments, I raised my head and looked at myself in the mirror, and suddenly I realized a long-neglected climatological fact and murmured:

"I've lived here for almost 4o years. It was not until moments ago that I discovered that winter doesn't follow summer immediately. There is an autumn in between."

After almost three hours, I finally put everything needed into my luggage, sat by my bed and waited for the arrival of the first ray of the sun.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul


最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期五 八月 15, 2008 2:39 pm, 总计第 2 次编辑
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浴恩福[浴恩福]
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六品通判
(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
六品通判<BR>(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)


注册时间: 2008-05-08
帖子: 123
来自: 多倫多

帖子发表于: 星期一 七月 07, 2008 12:11 pm    发表主题: Re: Border Crossings 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:


Border Crossings

A newcomer to Ajax,
you stayed there six years;
in dreams
missing your hometown, Taipei.

Today, you drove south
across the Canada/USA border;
then, inexplicably,
looking back on Ajax as home.


Border crossing in its plural form: one border within and another without.
_________________
報三恩、耕三大福田
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期一 七月 07, 2008 8:52 pm    发表主题: Re: Border Crossings 引用并回复

浴恩福 写到:


Border crossing in its plural form: one border within and another without.


Yes, two border crossings have dismantled and re-established my sense of 'being at home."
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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非马[FFFFFF]
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二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2005-10-15
帖子: 1053

帖子发表于: 星期一 七月 07, 2008 11:35 pm    发表主题: Re: Border Crossings 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:


Border Crossings

Today, you drove south
across the Canada/USA border;
then, inexplicably,
you looked back on Ajax as home.


An interesting poem. Anyone who has crossed many borders is certainly familiar with such a feeling.

Somehow I don't quite like the word " inexplicably" in the poem. It seems a bit too telling. I'd rather just present the dramatic situation such as:

Today, you drove south
across the Canada/USA border;
looking back
you found Ajax your home.

and let the reader ponder upon its meaning. Of course this is just my own personal feeling.
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期二 七月 08, 2008 10:09 pm    发表主题: Re: Border Crossings 引用并回复

非马 写到:


Somehow I don't quite like the word " inexplicably" in the poem. It seems a bit too telling. I'd rather just present the dramatic situation such as:

Today, you drove south
across the Canada/USA border;
looking back
you found Ajax your home.

and let the reader ponder upon its meaning. Of course this is just my own personal feeling.


Yes, you're right. Thank you very much for the comment and the insightful suggestion.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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christine[christine]
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四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2008-02-25
帖子: 304

帖子发表于: 星期三 七月 09, 2008 6:56 pm    发表主题: Re: Border Crossings 引用并回复

浴恩福 写到:


Border crossing in its plural form: one border within and another without.


Dreams and the Canada/USA border ?

Two of your notes are written in first-person point of view, offering the reader biographical and contextual information to your poem which is written in second-person point of view. In my view, a dialogical self emerges out of these two different narrative points of view.
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期四 七月 10, 2008 10:13 am    发表主题: Re: Border Crossings 引用并回复

christine 写到:


Dreams and the Canada/USA border ?

Two of your notes are written in first-person point of view, offering the reader biographical and contextual information to your poem which is written in second-person point of view. In my view, a dialogical self emerges out of these two different narrative points of view.


Yes, a sharp eye for my poem.

What follows is another response by my fellow poet, Dr_con, at Poetry Connection:

Another amazing reflection on 'home and alienation' and the interplay. I am reminded of the I-Ching and "The Wanderer" where in my translation it says:

One must never forget that One is a Stranger in a Strange Land.

Easy to forget when you have decided on your home, much harder when Borders are crossed...
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul


最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期五 七月 25, 2008 3:21 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑
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东西[东西]
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八品县丞
(又一个不小心,升了!)
八品县丞<BR>(又一个不小心,升了!)


注册时间: 2008-06-07
帖子: 53
来自: East_West

帖子发表于: 星期四 七月 10, 2008 1:04 pm    发表主题: Re: Border Crossings 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:


Border Crossings

A newcomer to Ajax,


you found Ajax your home.


Your poem is a poetic antithesis to my prose poem, My Past Is Like an Innocent Child.

Good work.
_________________
East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet.
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温暖的水獸[温暖的水獸]
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五品知州
(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
五品知州<BR>(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)


注册时间: 2008-04-23
帖子: 153
来自: 水族箱

帖子发表于: 星期四 七月 10, 2008 2:12 pm    发表主题: Re: Border Crossings 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:


I raised my head and looked at myself in the mirror, and suddenly I realized a long-neglected climatological fact and murmured:

"I've lived here for almost 4o years. It was not until moments ago that I discovered that winter doesn't follow summer immediately. There is an autumn in between."

After almost three hours, I finally put everything needed into my luggage, sitting by my bed and waiting for the arrival of the first ray of the sun.


A stranger or wanderer in his homeland?

Your poem makes me thinking about what kinds of borders do we cross in our daily life? National, ethnic, ideological, economic, psychological, or cultural borders?
_________________
舌頭那匹温暖的水獸 馴養地在小小的水族箱中 蠕動
那獸說:是的 我願意
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期六 七月 12, 2008 3:38 pm    发表主题: Re: Border Crossings 引用并回复

温暖的水獸 写到:


A stranger or wanderer in his homeland?

Your poem makes me thinking about what kinds of borders do we cross in our daily life? National, ethnic, ideological, economic, psychological, or cultural borders?


In my view, in one way or another, we’re “Inner Emigrés,” a concept well-articulated by Seamus Heaney in his poem, Exposure.

Great, it’s one of my intentions to write this piece. Border-crossing is one of the key issues in diaspora literature. Generally speaking, Diasporans, in the process of crossing multiple borders of language, history, race, time and culture, must challenge the absolutism of singular place by relocating the trajectory of their identity in the multiplicity of plural interrelationships.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期五 七月 25, 2008 3:24 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

I've revised my poem.

Here are the replies from my fellow poets at Poetry Connection:

this poem is so impressive, so beautiful and I can feel every line, every word, into my heart too. yes, a kind of sadness touches my heart too,

-- Nia

Good work and finely done.

-- Nick Tselepides
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期四 七月 31, 2008 5:05 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Here is the reply from my fellow poet at Poetry Connection:

I really liked this! It is all about perspective. Change brings what is familiar into perspective in ways that you never saw before. Well done!

-- Fader
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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