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The Diving-bell and the Butterfly (revised)

 
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期四 七月 03, 2008 7:12 am    发表主题: The Diving-bell and the Butterfly (revised) 引用并回复

Reading, Writing, and Life on the Page

The Diving-bell and the Butterfly

Though locked in a silent body
In refinement prolonging your agony
Your spirit can still sing
The songs of free life
Through a blinking eye
The only window to your cocoon
Your mind is winged
By imagination unfolding
Flying into the garden of memories
Yet Dancing across time and space

Penetrated by occasional sadness
But never slumping into resigned indifference
You are not dragged down
Encased by the diving-bell
Because you will yourself
To be a soaring butterfly
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul


最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期四 七月 24, 2008 8:19 pm, 总计第 2 次编辑
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期四 七月 03, 2008 7:20 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

I appropriated The Diving Bell and the Butterfly from the English title of a French memoir, Le scaphandre et le papillon, by the late Elle magazine editor-in-chief Jean-Dominique Bauby. His memoir describes what his life is like after suffering a massive stroke that left him with locked-in syndrome, a condition in which a patient is aware and awake, but cannot move or communicate due to a complete paralysis of nearly all voluntary muscles in the body. It also scantly describes what his life was before the stroke.

Bauby dictated his slim memoir by blinking his left eye to spell out words one letter at a time to a transcriber. The book reflects, in its brevity and its plain, clipped sentences, the difficulty of getting it onto paper; the sheer patience that was necessary for everyone involved is mind-boggling.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul


最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期四 七月 24, 2008 10:24 pm, 总计第 4 次编辑
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dundas[dundas]
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五品知州
(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
五品知州<BR>(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)


注册时间: 2008-02-23
帖子: 214

帖子发表于: 星期四 七月 03, 2008 9:17 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:


His memoir describes what his life is like after suffering a massive stroke that left him with Locked-In syndrome, a condition in which a patient is aware and awake, but cannot move or communicate due to complete paralysis of nearly all voluntary muscles in the body. It also details what his life was before the stroke.


Throughout the poem, there are sharp contrasts revealed between an encased body and an imaginative mind.
_________________
My throat knew thirst before the structure
Of skin and vein around the well
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dundas[dundas]
dundas作品集

五品知州
(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
五品知州<BR>(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)


注册时间: 2008-02-23
帖子: 214

帖子发表于: 星期四 七月 03, 2008 9:27 am    发表主题: Re: The Diving-bell and the Butterfly 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:


The Diving-bell and the Butterfly

Though locked-in a silent body
With prolonged and refined agony
Your spirit still can sing
The songs of free life
Through a blinking eyelid
The only window to your cell
Your mind is winged
By unfolding imagination
Excursing into the memory garden
Dancing across time and space



Excursing ? An interesting choice of word.

I like the imagery of the Memory Garden, into which an imaginative mind can take flight, freely and joyfully.
_________________
My throat knew thirst before the structure
Of skin and vein around the well
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期四 七月 03, 2008 9:01 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

dundas 写到:


Throughout the poem, there are sharp contrasts revealed between an encased body and an imaginative mind.


Yes, well said.


The title of the poem comes from Bauby's metaphorical contrast of his body, which felt like being encased in a "diving bell," with his mind, which could float like a soaring butterfly through his luxurious memories.

dundas 写到:


Excursing ? An interesting choice of word.



Any suggestion to replace it?
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期五 七月 04, 2008 4:24 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

It's always a good idea to get inspiration from reading.

Well done.
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期五 七月 04, 2008 8:13 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Lake 写到:
It's always a good idea to get inspiration from reading.

Well done.


Hi! Lake:

Thanks for the comment.

Bauby's book is a book written by a blinking eye, "a tale seen in the mind's eye, told by the body's." And it is worth reading.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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christine[christine]
christine作品集

四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2008-02-25
帖子: 304

帖子发表于: 星期六 七月 05, 2008 12:05 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:


Bauby's book is a book written by a blinking eye, "a tale seen in the mind's eye, told by the body's." And it is worth reading.

The Diving-bell and the Butterfly

Though locked-in a silent body
With prolonged and refined agony
Your spirit still can sing
The songs of free life
Through a blinking eyelid
The only window to your cell


In his memoir, he speaks briefly of the medical technology that saved his life as having "prolonged and refined the agony," and he writes tellingly of the intense solitude and loneliness of Sundays.

A struggling life dancing with the blinking of an eye.

Have you seen the film adaptation of his memoir?
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期日 七月 06, 2008 3:45 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

christine 写到:


In his memoir, he speaks briefly of the medical technology that saved his life as having "prolonged and refined the agony," and he writes tellingly of the intense solitude and loneliness of Sundays.

A struggling life dancing with the blinking of an eye.

Have you seen the film adaptation of his memoir?


Yes, I've seen the film, a different version of his life with a special emphasis on his triumphal spirit, which seldom portrays "the intense solitude and loneliness of Sundays" and his ambivalence about being bathed and about phone calls with loved ones in which he can only listen.


A struggling life dancing with the blinking of an eye ?

Too romanized his struggling communication with the people around him.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期四 七月 24, 2008 8:24 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

I've revised my poem.

Here are the replies from my fellow poets at Poetry Connection:

Personally, I did not find the Ayn Rand theme (sorry) to be one I appreciated (once gain may not have been the intent, just my peculiar mood) but despite that, an amazingly well done concise poem, which overwhelmed any objection I felt to the content (I know, I know- not @ all where you were going;)
-- dr_con

The power and strength of the human spirit comes through loud and clear in this! A sad story but such an uplifting poem! Great write!
-- fader
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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christine[christine]
christine作品集

四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2008-02-25
帖子: 304

帖子发表于: 星期二 七月 29, 2008 7:05 pm    发表主题: Re: The Diving-bell and the Butterfly (revised) 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:


Reading, Writing, and Life on the Page

The Diving-bell and the Butterfly

Though locked in a silent body
In refinement prolonging your agony
Your spirit can still sing
The songs of free life
Through a blinking eye
The only window to your cocoon
Your mind is winged
By imagination unfolding
Flying into the garden of memories
Yet dancing across time and space



I just wonder why you need a conjunctive, "yet"?
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期二 七月 29, 2008 10:42 pm    发表主题: Re: The Diving-bell and the Butterfly (revised) 引用并回复

christine 写到:


Your mind is winged
By imagination unfolding
Flying into the garden of memories
Yet dancing across time and space



I just wonder why you need a conjunctive, "yet"?[/quote]

It's because a sizable proportion of Baudy's memoir describes traveling to different locations and living out various scenes past and present in his mind.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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