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christine[christine] christine作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2008-02-25 帖子: 304
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发表于: 星期三 六月 18, 2008 1:57 pm 发表主题: In Those Years, 在那段歲月(revised) |
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Poem Text of In Those Years by Adrienne Rich
In those years, people will say, we lost track
of the meaning of we, of you
we found ourselves
reduced to I
and the whole thing became
silly, ironic, terrible:
we were trying to live a personal life
and, yes, that was the only life
we could bear witness to
But the great dark birds of history screamed and plunged
into our personal weather
They were headed somewhere else but their beaks and pinions drove
along the shore, through rages of fog
where we stood, saying I
Chinese Translation
在那段歲月
在那段歲月,人們會說,我們遺忘了
我們或你們的涵義
我們發現自己
已還原成只有我
並且整個的事情變成
愚笨,嘲諷,令人恐懼的
我們嚐試過一種個人的生活
並且,是的,那是唯一的生活
我們能夠做見証
但是歷史的大黑鳥却尖叫並闖進
我們個人的境遇中
它們飛向某處,但是它們的嘴和翅膀却沿著
海岸急速擺動,穿越雲霧的盛怒
而我們站立於此,說著我
Note:
Thank ericcoliu for posting Rich's well-crafted poem, In Those Years, which is included in his reply to Mar's poem, Temple.
最后进行编辑的是 christine on 星期六 七月 05, 2008 12:10 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期三 六月 18, 2008 10:48 pm 发表主题: Re: In Those Years, 在那段歲月 |
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christine 写到: |
並且全部的事情變成
愚笨,嘲諷,令人恐懼的
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I think 整個 would be better.
This well-crafted poem portrays a society that has lost a sense of connection with one another and is thus vulnerable. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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hahaview[hahaview] hahaview作品集 六品通判 (官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
注册时间: 2008-02-07 帖子: 103
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发表于: 星期四 六月 19, 2008 8:07 am 发表主题: Re: In Those Years, 在那段歲月 |
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christine 写到: |
在那段歲月
在那段歲月,人們會說,我們
在我們或你們的意義上迷失了軌道
我們發現自己
已還原成只有我
並且全部的事情變成
愚笨,嘲諷,令人恐懼的
我們嚐試過著一種個人的生活
並且,是的,那是唯一的生活
我們能夠做見証
但是歷史的大黑鳥却尖叫並闖進
我們個人的境遇中
它們朝向某處,但是它們的嘴和翅膀却沿著
海岸邊,穿越陣陣雲霧
而我們站立於此,說著我
Note:
Thank ericcoliu for posting Rich's well-crafted poem, In Those Years, which is included in his reply to Mar's poem, Temple. |
I think 在那個年代 would be better.
In my view, Mar's Temple a humorously ironic version of the first stanza. His poem lacks the historical reflection on Zeitgeist. _________________ I came, I saw, and I conquered |
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fanfan[FFFFFF] fanfan作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-12-27 帖子: 353 来自: Canada
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发表于: 星期六 六月 21, 2008 5:38 pm 发表主题: Re: In Those Years, 在那段歲月 |
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christine 写到: |
Poem Text of In Those Years by Adrienne Rich
But the great dark birds of history screamed and plunged
into our personal weather
They were headed somewhere else but their beaks and pinions drove
along the shore, through rages of fog
where we stood, saying I
Chinese Translation
但是歷史的大黑鳥却尖叫並闖進
我們個人的境遇中
它們朝向某處,但是它們的嘴和翅膀却沿著
海岸邊,穿越陣陣雲霧
而我們站立於此,說著我
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My suggestion is as follows:
但是歷史的大黑鳥却尖叫並闖
進我們個人的境遇中
它們朝向某處,但是它們的嘴和翅膀却沿
著海岸邊,穿越陣陣雲霧
而我們站立於此,說著我
Yes, Rich invites us to step back from our culture of Meism and to take in the long view.
Indeed, screaming and plunging into our personal history. _________________ Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
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christine[christine] christine作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2008-02-25 帖子: 304
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发表于: 星期日 六月 22, 2008 12:34 pm 发表主题: Re: In Those Years, 在那段歲月 |
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Thank you all for your valuable suggestions.
fanfan 写到: |
Yes, Rich invites us to step back from our culture of Meism and to take in the long view.
Indeed, screaming and plunging into our personal history. |
Yes, well said. In one way or another, we're all practitioners of narcissism. |
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fanfan[FFFFFF] fanfan作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-12-27 帖子: 353 来自: Canada
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发表于: 星期二 六月 24, 2008 4:05 pm 发表主题: Re: In Those Years, 在那段歲月 |
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christine 写到: |
Yes, well said. In one way or another, we're all practitioners of narcissism. |
An exceptional interest in and admiration for oneself that shuts out one’s appreciation for everyone else. _________________ Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
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戴玨[Edgar] 戴玨作品集 五品知州 (再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
注册时间: 2006-12-26 帖子: 213
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发表于: 星期二 六月 24, 2008 7:33 pm 发表主题: |
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一些建議:
...我們遺忘了
我們或你們的涵義
...
並且全部的事情變得
愚蠢,諷刺,令人厭惡
我們嚐試過一種個人生活
並且,是的,那是唯一我們能夠
做見証的生活
...
它們飛向某處,但是它們的嘴和翅膀却沿著海岸
急速擺動,穿越雲霧的盛怒...
(這裏drove和rages最好翻出來,要不然就少了張力) _________________ 我的blog:
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1310527443 |
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christine[christine] christine作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2008-02-25 帖子: 304
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发表于: 星期二 六月 24, 2008 7:46 pm 发表主题: |
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戴玨 写到: | 一些建議:
...我們遺忘了
我們或你們的涵義
...
並且全部的事情變得
愚蠢,諷刺,令人厭惡
我們嚐試過一種個人生活
並且,是的,那是唯一我們能夠
做見証的生活
...
它們飛向某處,但是它們的嘴和翅膀却沿著海岸
急速擺動,穿越雲霧的盛怒...
(這裏drove和rages最好翻出來,要不然就少了張力) |
Yes, a well thought out suggestion.
Thank you very much for your valuable suggestion. |
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dundas[dundas] dundas作品集 五品知州 (再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
注册时间: 2008-02-23 帖子: 214
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发表于: 星期四 七月 03, 2008 9:20 am 发表主题: |
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戴玨 写到: |
一些建議:
它們飛向某處,但是它們的嘴和翅膀却沿著海岸
急速擺動,穿越雲霧的盛怒...
(這裏drove和rages最好翻出來,要不然就少了張力) |
Yes, I agree with him.
This poem sharply addresses the realms of poetry and society alike, giving its readers the opportunity to question the cultural givens and ask in what directions they are leading us. _________________ My throat knew thirst before the structure
Of skin and vein around the well |
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christine[christine] christine作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2008-02-25 帖子: 304
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发表于: 星期六 七月 05, 2008 12:12 pm 发表主题: |
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dundas 写到: |
戴玨 写到: |
一些建議:
它們飛向某處,但是它們的嘴和翅膀却沿著海岸
急速擺動,穿越雲霧的盛怒...
(這裏drove和rages最好翻出來,要不然就少了張力) |
Yes, I agree with him.
This poem sharply addresses the realms of poetry and society alike, giving its readers the opportunity to question the cultural givens and ask in what directions they are leading us. |
Thank you all for your helpful reviews and suggestions.
I've revised my translation. |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期日 七月 06, 2008 3:03 pm 发表主题: Re: In Those Years, 在那段歲月(revised) |
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Good translation.
christine 写到: |
Poem Text of In Those Years by Adrienne Rich
But the great dark birds of history screamed and plunged
into our personal weather
They were headed somewhere else but their beaks and pinions drove
along the shore, through rages of fog
where we stood, saying I
Chinese Translation
在那段歲月
但是歷史的大黑鳥却尖叫並闖進
我們個人的境遇中
它們飛向某處,但是它們的嘴和翅膀却沿著
海岸急速擺動,穿越雲霧的盛怒
而我們站立於此,說著我
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Indeed, "the great dark birds of history" are constantly moving. In my view, "good and committed poets" have a social responsibility to be more than the passive carriers of received ideas and current jargon. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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