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Assignment #6 A Beautiful Smile

 
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anna[星子安娜]
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帖子发表于: 星期一 六月 23, 2008 12:35 pm    发表主题: Assignment #6 A Beautiful Smile 引用并回复

A Beautiful Smile

Childhood

She wonders if her front teeth don’t look nice. She seldom smiles. Boys never pick flowers for her. She believes it is because of her teeth. She really believes so.

Teenage

Now she is 14. Boys stop chasing her; they stare at her whenever she passes by. She is worried. She wonders if she looks stupid.
One day, she talks with her girl friends. They laugh and reply, Look at you, your body tells. What? She turns to a mirror and sees a different her.
Night falls, a nude her arises; she watches her reddish lips, small yet firm breasts . . . She covers her eyes.

First Love

She turns 18. At her friend’s party, many of her friends already hang out like couples, yet not her, so she retreats to a corner. Outside it is raining and the raindrops falling on windows sound like music. She taps on the window to amuse herself quietly. She doesn’t believe in a wish star any more. Neither tonight. But tonight is so different, tonight there is a stranger silently watching her. His deep and soft eyes sparkle like blue stars. Blue stars . . . She suddenly feels dazzling. She returns him a shy smile, a smile slowly blooms . . . For years, she remembers his first words, you really have a beautiful smile . . .

Wedding

It is her day, finally! All of her family and friends are happy - Her long love journey soon will be closed with a ring. She smiles to everyone, but secretly misses those blue stars. Many come to her and make their toast with their wine, she smiles and turn to her newly-wedded hubby, he drinks a lot. It is his day too.

First Child

Holding her child’s soft body, she believes she is the luckiest person in the world. She cannot help kissing her baby hundreds of times a day. At night, she starts to smile and laugh a lot in her dreams. Her baby becomes the whole life of her.
Dental braces
She sees her daught an image of herself, yet more attractive and more pretty. She makes sure her daughter’s teeth nicely braced, fearing that she too miss her wish stars.

Chaos

Layoffs, housework, quarrels, worries, loneliness . . . She needs a therapist but she still keep smiling.

Graduation ceremony

It is her daughter’s day, she smiles. Witnessing her high school graduation ceremony, she is proud of her. Her daughter waves to her, she waves back.
Watching her big and bright smile, she smiles too, Sweetie, Life is a long journey; it just starts. But at lease, you truly have a beautiful smile . . . She feels relieved.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com


最后进行编辑的是 anna on 星期二 六月 24, 2008 10:42 am, 总计第 3 次编辑
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anna[星子安娜]
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帖子发表于: 星期二 六月 24, 2008 7:58 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

Thanks Mike & Jon and all others' input, I revised it again.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
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二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
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来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期二 六月 24, 2008 10:34 am    发表主题: Re: Assignment #6 A Beautiful Smile 引用并回复

anna 写到:
A Beautiful Smile

But at lease, you truly have a beautiful smile . . . She feels relieved.


A good story with an interestingly thoughtful ending.

A Beautiful Smile is a struggling account of wrestling with politics of womanhood generally and of feminine beauty particularly.

You mention "smile" or smile-related words too many times in the story, which has reduced the grasping power of the word. Just a thought.

By the way,

anna 写到:


Night falls, a nude her arises;



a nude her arises ?

anna 写到:


She doesn’t believe in a wish star any more. Neither tonight




A wish star or a wishing (or shooting ) star?
Neither tonight or Not tonight.
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Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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dundas[dundas]
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五品知州
(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
五品知州<BR>(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)


注册时间: 2008-02-23
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帖子发表于: 星期二 六月 24, 2008 6:53 pm    发表主题: Re: Assignment #6 A Beautiful Smile 引用并回复

anna 写到:


A Beautiful Smile

Wedding

It is her day, finally! All of her family and friends are happy - Her long love journey soon will be closed with a ring. She smiles to everyone, but secretly misses those blue stars. Many come to her and make their toast with their wine, she smiles and turn to her newly-wedded hubby, he drinks a lot. It is his day too.



This passage reminds me of the following passage:
God sends us Women --
When you -- hold -- Garnet to Garnet --
Gold -- to Gold --
Born -- Bridalled -- Shrouded --
In a Day --
Tri Victory

Emily, Dickinson, Title divine -- is mine! (1072)
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My throat knew thirst before the structure
Of skin and vein around the well
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dundas[dundas]
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五品知州
(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
五品知州<BR>(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)


注册时间: 2008-02-23
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帖子发表于: 星期二 六月 24, 2008 6:59 pm    发表主题: Re: Assignment #6 A Beautiful Smile 引用并回复

ericcoliu 写到:


A good story with an interestingly thoughtful ending.

A Beautiful Smile is a struggling account of wrestling with politics of womanhood generally and of feminine beauty particularly.



A Beautiful Smile is a struggling account. Yes.

A Beautiful Smile is a struggling account of wrestling with politics of womanhood generally and of feminine beauty particularly. Definitely no. This story says nothing about the unbalanced power relations between women and men, they who are shareholders of the beauty industry's well-publicized Beauty Image.

I'm little disappointed by the comment, which is politically incorrect, of ericcoliu who wrote the insightful review of the above-mentioned poem by Dickinson.
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Of skin and vein around the well
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帖子发表于: 星期二 六月 24, 2008 9:32 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Thanks Eric & Dudus.

I fear my writing is too simple. I enjoy reading all other's writing. Each of us seems to have totally different styles.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com
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