酷我-北美枫

Lake · 发表于: 星期二七月 01, 2008 3:56 pm 发表主题: Fools and Dragonflies

Fools and Dragonflies

by Barrie

Drifting
into the still of the reeds,
I watch
bullrush cotton
hanging on the warm morning.

A froghop
from my face,
a curious dragonfly
tries to make sense
of a fool in a boat.

傻瓜和蜻蜓

Tr. Lake

漂
入芦苇的寂静
我观看
蒲絮
挂在温暖的清晨

面前
蛙跳之遥
一只好奇的蜻蜓
试图弄懂
船上的傻瓜

(看我这位英国朋友写的小诗，比我更东方。) Smile

星子 · 发表于: 星期三七月 02, 2008 8:14 am 发表主题:

(看我这位英国朋友写的小诗，比我更东方。)

有Zen 味 Very Happy

_________________

非马 · 发表于: 星期三七月 02, 2008 10:48 am 发表主题:

喜读Lake 好译。下面这两行似乎还可译得更生动些。“蛙跳”在这里既可表示短距离，还可描绘水上的景致与活动。说不定刚有一只青蛙在他面前一跳而过。

A froghop
from my face,

Lake · 发表于: 星期三七月 02, 2008 11:06 am 发表主题:

Lake · 发表于: 星期三七月 02, 2008 11:17 am 发表主题:

Lake · 发表于: 星期四七月 03, 2008 9:40 pm 发表主题:

This is how the author explained -

"froghop was just an attempt to be original, as opposed to saying ‘a couple of feet’ or whatever."

From what he said it was mainly about the distance, but Mr. 非马 got more than what he originally meant, which shows what an attentive reader Mr. 非马 is.

I think “蛙跳" is a good one. Can I put it like this -

A froghop
from my face,

蛙跳
咫尺面前

Or any other suggestions?

非马 · 发表于: 星期五七月 04, 2008 3:50 pm 发表主题:

英文里的"from" 很清楚地说明是距离. 我只是因为觉得他的蛙跳相当创新而想到它"可能有"的含义.为了避免让读者真以为有青蛙在面前跳, 或许可译成:

面前
蛙跳之遥

Lake · 发表于: 星期五七月 04, 2008 4:07 pm 发表主题:

ericcoliu · 发表于: 星期五七月 04, 2008 8:08 pm 发表主题:

A good translation.

Lake · 发表于: 星期六七月 05, 2008 11:05 am 发表主题:

Thanks Eric for your 推敲。

ericcoliu · 发表于: 星期日七月 06, 2008 2:54 pm 发表主题: