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The Hard Facts of My ECG

 
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温暖的水獸[温暖的水獸]
温暖的水獸作品集

五品知州
(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
五品知州<BR>(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)


注册时间: 2008-04-23
帖子: 153
来自: 水族箱

帖子发表于: 星期一 六月 09, 2008 9:49 am    发表主题: The Hard Facts of My ECG 引用并回复

The Hard Facts of My ECG co-written by ericcoliu

I dive into the depths
Of my heart
To record the hard facts
Oftentimes, I am stricken
By the beat
Of my own words

Please read my ECG --
A diagram of chambered secrets.

Note:

The Hard Fact of My ECG is my response to ericcoliu'sThe Writing on the Wall of the Kardia ( http://www.coviews.com/viewtopic.php?t=37540 ) in general and to his/her epigraph by Ivern Ball in particular.

ggggMost of us can read the writing on the wall; we just assume it's addressed to someone else.
gggg-- Ivern Ball

I deeply hope my little poem could be a stepping stone to promote and encourage literary exchanges between participants. I am 温暖的水獸, who need warm water and a big aquarium. Please read my ECG -- -- A diagram of chambered secrets.
_________________
舌頭那匹温暖的水獸 馴養地在小小的水族箱中 蠕動
那獸說:是的 我願意


最后进行编辑的是 温暖的水獸 on 星期四 六月 19, 2008 1:59 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑
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clair[clair]
clair作品集

七品按察司
(我开始管这里的事儿了)
七品按察司<BR>(我开始管这里的事儿了)


注册时间: 2008-03-13
帖子: 83

帖子发表于: 星期一 六月 09, 2008 12:51 pm    发表主题: Re: The Hard Fact of My ECG 引用并回复

温暖的水獸 写到:
The Hard Fact of My ECG

I dive into the depths
Of my heart
To record the hard fact
Oftentimes, I am stricken
By the beat
Of my own words

Please read my ECG --
A diagram of chambered secrets.



Did ericcoliu pay you to do this? Why don't you write a poem as a literary response to my writing?

I think you need a transitive passage to link two stanzas.

I read you ECG; therefore you own me a poem.
_________________
This dark
Ceiling without a star
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hahaview[hahaview]
hahaview作品集

六品通判
(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
六品通判<BR>(官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)


注册时间: 2008-02-07
帖子: 103

帖子发表于: 星期一 六月 09, 2008 8:55 pm    发表主题: Re: The Hard Fact of My ECG 引用并回复

温暖的水獸 写到:


Oftentimes, I am stricken
By the beat
Of my own words



I like these lines most.

I read your ECG and I know: poems buried inside your heart that is hungry for company.
_________________
I came, I saw, and I conquered
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期二 六月 10, 2008 8:02 am    发表主题: Re: The Hard Fact of My ECG 引用并回复

clair 写到:


Did ericcoliu pay you to do this? Why don't you write a poem as a literary response to my writing?



That would be an Indecent Proposal ( have you seen this movie which stars Robert Redford, Demi Moore, and Woody Harrelson ).

Holding my ECG in my hands,
I give it to all of you.
Take it. It's yours!

Reading Is Writing

While reading a poem
The unwritten is a hidden text
A text between the lines of verse
When that text is grasped
By the mind’s eye of the reader
A companion poem comes into being
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul


最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期三 六月 11, 2008 8:03 am, 总计第 1 次编辑
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Champagne[Champagne]
Champagne作品集

四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2007-09-15
帖子: 394
来自: Nowhere & Everywhere

帖子发表于: 星期二 六月 10, 2008 8:51 pm    发表主题: Re: The Hard Fact of My ECG 引用并回复

温暖的水獸 写到:


The Hard Fact of My ECG

Please read my ECG --
A diagram of chambered secrets.




A pun on "hard" and "heart."

The "Hard Fact" of My ECG or The "heart fact" of my chambered secrets?
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.
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christine[christine]
christine作品集

四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2008-02-25
帖子: 304

帖子发表于: 星期三 六月 11, 2008 12:40 pm    发表主题: Re: The Hard Fact of My ECG 引用并回复

hahaview 写到:


温暖的水獸 写到:


Oftentimes, I am stricken
By the beat
Of my own words



I like these lines most.



Me, too.

The good choice of word, "beat."
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期三 六月 11, 2008 8:50 pm    发表主题: Re: The Hard Fact of My ECG 引用并回复

温暖的水獸 写到:


The Hard Fact of My ECG

Please read my ECG --
A diagram of chambered secrets.



Key to Chambered Secrets

Silence is the key
To chambered secrets
The silence between the words

When that silence
Envelopes you
You are at peace
and your heart will speak
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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fanfan[FFFFFF]
fanfan作品集

四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2007-12-27
帖子: 353
来自: Canada

帖子发表于: 星期四 六月 12, 2008 8:27 am    发表主题: Re: The Hard Fact of My ECG 引用并回复

温暖的水獸 写到:


The Hard Fact of My ECG

I dive into the depths
Of my heart
To record the hard fact


I like your choice of word, "record." Just like an electrocardiograph which records the electrical activity of the heart over time.

A Stabbing Memory

This afternoon, I was sitting
Alone by the window,
Looking out at the maple branches
Swaying gracefully in the breeze.
Out of nowhere, I felt
A stab of a memory
Of you waving me goodbye.

I balanced
On that memory,
The universe hanging
On the maple branches.
_________________
Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon.
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温暖的水獸[温暖的水獸]
温暖的水獸作品集

五品知州
(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
五品知州<BR>(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)


注册时间: 2008-04-23
帖子: 153
来自: 水族箱

帖子发表于: 星期四 六月 12, 2008 3:50 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Thank you all for your enthuastic participation in reading and commenting my piece, especially ericcoliu who wrote two poems.

By the way, I would accept your Indecent Proposal (in my view, it's a generous proposal).

This poem and companion poems have become the ECG of our forum.
_________________
舌頭那匹温暖的水獸 馴養地在小小的水族箱中 蠕動
那獸說:是的 我願意


最后进行编辑的是 温暖的水獸 on 星期四 六月 12, 2008 3:56 pm, 总计第 2 次编辑
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温暖的水獸[温暖的水獸]
温暖的水獸作品集

五品知州
(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
五品知州<BR>(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)


注册时间: 2008-04-23
帖子: 153
来自: 水族箱

帖子发表于: 星期四 六月 12, 2008 3:51 pm    发表主题: Re: The Hard Fact of My ECG 引用并回复

clair 写到:



I think you need a transitive passage to link two stanzas.



Any suggestion? Much appreciated.
_________________
舌頭那匹温暖的水獸 馴養地在小小的水族箱中 蠕動
那獸說:是的 我願意
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温暖的水獸[温暖的水獸]
温暖的水獸作品集

五品知州
(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
五品知州<BR>(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)


注册时间: 2008-04-23
帖子: 153
来自: 水族箱

帖子发表于: 星期四 六月 12, 2008 3:52 pm    发表主题: Re: The Hard Fact of My ECG 引用并回复

Champagne 写到:
温暖的水獸 写到:


The Hard Fact of My ECG

Please read my ECG --
A diagram of chambered secrets.




A pun on "hard" and "heart."

The "Hard Fact" of My ECG or The "heart fact" of my chambered secrets?


A sharp eye for my poem. In my view, poetry is the ECG of the heart.
_________________
舌頭那匹温暖的水獸 馴養地在小小的水族箱中 蠕動
那獸說:是的 我願意
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fanfan[FFFFFF]
fanfan作品集

四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2007-12-27
帖子: 353
来自: Canada

帖子发表于: 星期四 六月 12, 2008 8:53 pm    发表主题: Re: The Hard Fact of My ECG 引用并回复

温暖的水獸 写到:


The Hard Fact of My ECG

To record the hard fact


After the second reading of your poem, I think "hard facts" would be a better choice of words.
_________________
Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon.
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温暖的水獸[温暖的水獸]
温暖的水獸作品集

五品知州
(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
五品知州<BR>(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)


注册时间: 2008-04-23
帖子: 153
来自: 水族箱

帖子发表于: 星期四 六月 19, 2008 1:59 pm    发表主题: Re: The Hard Fact of My ECG 引用并回复

fanfan 写到:


After the second reading of your poem, I think "hard facts" would be a better choice of words.


Thanks for the comment and suggestion.
_________________
舌頭那匹温暖的水獸 馴養地在小小的水族箱中 蠕動
那獸說:是的 我願意
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