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温暖的水獸[温暖的水獸] 温暖的水獸作品集 五品知州 (再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
注册时间: 2008-04-23 帖子: 153 来自: 水族箱
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发表于: 星期一 六月 09, 2008 9:49 am 发表主题: The Hard Facts of My ECG |
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The Hard Facts of My ECG co-written by ericcoliu
I dive into the depths
Of my heart
To record the hard facts
Oftentimes, I am stricken
By the beat
Of my own words
Please read my ECG --
A diagram of chambered secrets.
Note:
The Hard Fact of My ECG is my response to ericcoliu'sThe Writing on the Wall of the Kardia ( http://www.coviews.com/viewtopic.php?t=37540 ) in general and to his/her epigraph by Ivern Ball in particular.
ggggMost of us can read the writing on the wall; we just assume it's addressed to someone else.
gggg-- Ivern Ball
I deeply hope my little poem could be a stepping stone to promote and encourage literary exchanges between participants. I am 温暖的水獸, who need warm water and a big aquarium. Please read my ECG -- -- A diagram of chambered secrets. _________________ 舌頭那匹温暖的水獸 馴養地在小小的水族箱中 蠕動
那獸說:是的 我願意
最后进行编辑的是 温暖的水獸 on 星期四 六月 19, 2008 1:59 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
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clair[clair] clair作品集 七品按察司 (我开始管这里的事儿了)
注册时间: 2008-03-13 帖子: 83
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发表于: 星期一 六月 09, 2008 12:51 pm 发表主题: Re: The Hard Fact of My ECG |
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温暖的水獸 写到: | The Hard Fact of My ECG
I dive into the depths
Of my heart
To record the hard fact
Oftentimes, I am stricken
By the beat
Of my own words
Please read my ECG --
A diagram of chambered secrets.
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Did ericcoliu pay you to do this? Why don't you write a poem as a literary response to my writing?
I think you need a transitive passage to link two stanzas.
I read you ECG; therefore you own me a poem. _________________ This dark
Ceiling without a star |
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hahaview[hahaview] hahaview作品集 六品通判 (官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
注册时间: 2008-02-07 帖子: 103
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发表于: 星期一 六月 09, 2008 8:55 pm 发表主题: Re: The Hard Fact of My ECG |
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温暖的水獸 写到: |
Oftentimes, I am stricken
By the beat
Of my own words
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I like these lines most.
I read your ECG and I know: poems buried inside your heart that is hungry for company. _________________ I came, I saw, and I conquered |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期二 六月 10, 2008 8:02 am 发表主题: Re: The Hard Fact of My ECG |
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clair 写到: |
Did ericcoliu pay you to do this? Why don't you write a poem as a literary response to my writing?
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That would be an Indecent Proposal ( have you seen this movie which stars Robert Redford, Demi Moore, and Woody Harrelson ).
Holding my ECG in my hands,
I give it to all of you.
Take it. It's yours!
Reading Is Writing
While reading a poem
The unwritten is a hidden text
A text between the lines of verse
When that text is grasped
By the mind’s eye of the reader
A companion poem comes into being _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期三 六月 11, 2008 8:03 am, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
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Champagne[Champagne] Champagne作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-09-15 帖子: 394 来自: Nowhere & Everywhere
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发表于: 星期二 六月 10, 2008 8:51 pm 发表主题: Re: The Hard Fact of My ECG |
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温暖的水獸 写到: |
The Hard Fact of My ECG
Please read my ECG --
A diagram of chambered secrets.
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A pun on "hard" and "heart."
The "Hard Fact" of My ECG or The "heart fact" of my chambered secrets? _________________ I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy. |
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christine[christine] christine作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2008-02-25 帖子: 304
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发表于: 星期三 六月 11, 2008 12:40 pm 发表主题: Re: The Hard Fact of My ECG |
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hahaview 写到: |
温暖的水獸 写到: |
Oftentimes, I am stricken
By the beat
Of my own words
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I like these lines most.
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Me, too.
The good choice of word, "beat." |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期三 六月 11, 2008 8:50 pm 发表主题: Re: The Hard Fact of My ECG |
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温暖的水獸 写到: |
The Hard Fact of My ECG
Please read my ECG --
A diagram of chambered secrets.
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Key to Chambered Secrets
Silence is the key
To chambered secrets
The silence between the words
When that silence
Envelopes you
You are at peace
and your heart will speak _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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fanfan[FFFFFF] fanfan作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-12-27 帖子: 353 来自: Canada
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发表于: 星期四 六月 12, 2008 8:27 am 发表主题: Re: The Hard Fact of My ECG |
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温暖的水獸 写到: |
The Hard Fact of My ECG
I dive into the depths
Of my heart
To record the hard fact
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I like your choice of word, "record." Just like an electrocardiograph which records the electrical activity of the heart over time.
A Stabbing Memory
This afternoon, I was sitting
Alone by the window,
Looking out at the maple branches
Swaying gracefully in the breeze.
Out of nowhere, I felt
A stab of a memory
Of you waving me goodbye.
I balanced
On that memory,
The universe hanging
On the maple branches. _________________ Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
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温暖的水獸[温暖的水獸] 温暖的水獸作品集 五品知州 (再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
注册时间: 2008-04-23 帖子: 153 来自: 水族箱
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发表于: 星期四 六月 12, 2008 3:50 pm 发表主题: |
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Thank you all for your enthuastic participation in reading and commenting my piece, especially ericcoliu who wrote two poems.
By the way, I would accept your Indecent Proposal (in my view, it's a generous proposal).
This poem and companion poems have become the ECG of our forum. _________________ 舌頭那匹温暖的水獸 馴養地在小小的水族箱中 蠕動
那獸說:是的 我願意
最后进行编辑的是 温暖的水獸 on 星期四 六月 12, 2008 3:56 pm, 总计第 2 次编辑 |
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温暖的水獸[温暖的水獸] 温暖的水獸作品集 五品知州 (再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
注册时间: 2008-04-23 帖子: 153 来自: 水族箱
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发表于: 星期四 六月 12, 2008 3:51 pm 发表主题: Re: The Hard Fact of My ECG |
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clair 写到: |
I think you need a transitive passage to link two stanzas.
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Any suggestion? Much appreciated. _________________ 舌頭那匹温暖的水獸 馴養地在小小的水族箱中 蠕動
那獸說:是的 我願意 |
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温暖的水獸[温暖的水獸] 温暖的水獸作品集 五品知州 (再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
注册时间: 2008-04-23 帖子: 153 来自: 水族箱
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发表于: 星期四 六月 12, 2008 3:52 pm 发表主题: Re: The Hard Fact of My ECG |
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Champagne 写到: | 温暖的水獸 写到: |
The Hard Fact of My ECG
Please read my ECG --
A diagram of chambered secrets.
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A pun on "hard" and "heart."
The "Hard Fact" of My ECG or The "heart fact" of my chambered secrets? |
A sharp eye for my poem. In my view, poetry is the ECG of the heart. _________________ 舌頭那匹温暖的水獸 馴養地在小小的水族箱中 蠕動
那獸說:是的 我願意 |
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fanfan[FFFFFF] fanfan作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-12-27 帖子: 353 来自: Canada
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发表于: 星期四 六月 12, 2008 8:53 pm 发表主题: Re: The Hard Fact of My ECG |
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温暖的水獸 写到: |
The Hard Fact of My ECG
To record the hard fact
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After the second reading of your poem, I think "hard facts" would be a better choice of words. _________________ Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
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温暖的水獸[温暖的水獸] 温暖的水獸作品集 五品知州 (再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
注册时间: 2008-04-23 帖子: 153 来自: 水族箱
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发表于: 星期四 六月 19, 2008 1:59 pm 发表主题: Re: The Hard Fact of My ECG |
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fanfan 写到: |
After the second reading of your poem, I think "hard facts" would be a better choice of words. |
Thanks for the comment and suggestion. _________________ 舌頭那匹温暖的水獸 馴養地在小小的水族箱中 蠕動
那獸說:是的 我願意 |
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