酷我-北美枫

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

Using a character from a fairy tale or myth to create a new story.

“Do I Know You?”

Her name “Echo” upset her. She wondered how she became that. Narcissus, the handsome lad only loved himself, and she was left behind. It was over.
She decided to leave that sad place and her name. Out of forest, out of valley, it must be a different world. She gave herself a new name: “Amy”.

Well, the first man fell in love with her was a writer. They met on the Pacific Train which ran from the West Valley to the East Garden. The writer happened to sit opposite Amy. After well-observed on her, the writer asked what she was reading and began to introduce himself. The riding was a long journey, she was glad to find a pleasant accompanier. Attracted by her deep sorrowful voice and beautiful eyes, he took her hand and gazed at her pale face, promised to take care of her forever.
“Marry me, will you?” Stars sparkled in his eyes.
She stared at him, puzzled, “But, you don’t know me.”
“It doesn’t matter. I know you now and your future.” He claimed.
“Then, all right.” She nodded.
It was a risk, she knew. But been hurt once, she feared to refuse love, thus she gripped her chance.

Their love turned out to be thrilling and full of rapture.
Day by day, she forgot her past and her Narcissus. She grew her deep love for the writer who made her voice full of joy. Being eager to share her big news with her sisters who lived in the valley, she planed her visit home. The writer made her promise to come back as soon as possible.
Then five months passed, she returned. When knocking at his door, she inhaled deeply and feared that she could not wait any more. She heard steps close, closer, the door opened, a woman stepped out. The writer followed her.
Smiling at Amy, he asked:
“Young lady, who are you looking for?”
Amy was shocked and hardly spoke. At last, she gasped to utter his name, and hers.
He looked lost and quested, “Do I know you?”
Well, at that time, her abandoned name, “Echo” back to her again.

Know you? . . . Know you? . . . That were what she could say ever since.
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

浴恩福 · 发表于: 星期一六月 02, 2008 6:20 pm 发表主题:

I think characterization -- how you portray your characters through thoughts, actions, and dialogue --is too weak, making your characters not come to life. The second half generally and the concluding paragraphs particularly don't work well to me.

My suggestion is that before you writer your story, you need to think about and through the following question: what is the narrative purpose of the neglect and regain of Echo's name in terms of characterization and in relation to the original fairy tale regarding Echo (by the way, On which version is your story based? The popular Greek version or Ovid's version)
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報三恩、耕三大福田

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

Hi 浴恩福,

Thank you very much.

Gathering groups' comments, I revised it again. (The main confusion is the part when she came back, their dialog was not clear addressed.
Some people didn't not get the last line, echoes...
Others think they are good and fit the whole story, fit the fairy tale style.
So I changed the punctuation to make it clear... like echo, not like questions asked...
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

浴恩福 · 发表于: 星期二六月 03, 2008 3:09 pm 发表主题:

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

Hi 浴恩福,

Thanks for posting.

I agree this could go deep. But as a fairy tale, the character could be simple and the style could be light.

Any story could reveal the culture. This proves the French Proverb:
Love makes time pass. Time makes love pass.

This assignment is to add our own twist to the old stories.

The root of the original myth is about questing love. Echo could not get love, what she could do was to let her voice linger along.

This ending fits her fate as "Echo".
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

Assignment #4

In and out voice

“How is school, sweet?” I say, meaning, Any trouble? A fine day?
“Ok.” he says, meaning, Boring, give me a break. You know school, right?
“What is new?” I say, meaning, Come on, talk to me. If you don’t tell, how do I know? Every day is a new day.
“Eh, nothing,” He says, meaning, matter your stuff, stop bothering me.
“Let me guess, you have a new teacher today?” I say, meaning, don’t fool me, you better tell me.
“Yeh, what else you want to know?” he says, meaning, you know you are annoying, ok?
“How about you tell me what you want to tell?” I say, meaning, I am ready.
“All right, all right. The science competition result is out. Not good” he says, meaning, See, that is what you really want to know.
“Have you talked to your teacher?” I say, meaning, is there any hope?
“No.” he says, meaning, how shameful.
“Give a try, you never know . . .” I say, meaning, you are good at science, you should not give up. And you never know how much I loved science too when I was at your age.
“I made many mistakes before and too quick to quit.” I say, meaning, I don’t want you follow my mistakes.
“How and when? Yeh, yeh, yeh . . .”he says, meaning, I don’t need your compassion.
I know what I want to do. Leaving me alone.
“All right, I know you don’t want to talk with me. May be another time.” I say, meaning,
We surely need to discuss this, soon or later.
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

星子 · 发表于: 星期二六月 10, 2008 2:49 pm 发表主题:

Comments from our group.

You need to add more intense to make the piece appealing.

“Let me guess, you have a new teacher today?” is a little disturbing. Focus on the conflict.

So I need to work on conflict and intense.
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