酷我-北美枫

钓月

梦之子(双语原创)

我们都是梦的孩子，
赤足跋涉于冬夜泥径。
黑黝黝的天空,
抛下二把竖琴。
弹如怨如诉北风，
弹一天冷咧寒星，
弹神秘峪谷之夜，
弹茂密蓬松果林。
都把焦灼、兴奋目光，
投向迟到的春日黎明。

Dream Children

We’re all dream children, strolling
The muddy path at winter night，barefooted.
From the swarthy welkin
Two harps have been down thrown.
Play the complaining boreas,
Play the freezing stars in heaven,
Play the mystic valley night,
Play the flourishing and fluffy fruit woods.
We’re beholding the late spring dawn
With deeply anxious and excited vision.
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欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮

http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875

钓月 · 发表于: 星期六五月 10, 2008 9:12 am 发表主题:

Hello,
I'm trying to put my Chinese original poems into English. Any comments are welcomed.
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欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮

http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

We’re all dream children, strolling
The muddy path at winter night，barefooted.

I feel yours are more like prose. I think you could change the structure to make it dynamic and interesting.

Dream children we are, barefooted,
strolling ....
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com