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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期二 三月 18, 2008 9:08 am 发表主题: My Lover (Poem) |
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There is a safe garden in my dream,
there you come and go.
It doesn’t matter,
really, in our real life,
we know it is a dream.
I never, ever
try to remember your face,
which I could paint in many ways
and with many colors,
I never, ever . . .
in the real life,
we know it is a dream.
You know me, or not,
you love me, or not,
you come and go,
I dream and awaken . . .
Lover is a fancy name,
a deep sorrow,
a hanging hunger,
a matching pain,
I call you and call you,
an eternal dream . . . _________________
最后进行编辑的是 星子 on 星期四 三月 20, 2008 1:48 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
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anna[星子安娜] anna作品集 Site Admin
注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141
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发表于: 星期二 三月 18, 2008 11:32 am 发表主题: |
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Comments From Penshell: (They always challenge me, now I need to work it on... )
Anna
I think this is still in the making. At the moment it feels somewhat lost, lacking in substance. It needs a stronger (yet gentle, perhaps wishful) voice. I understand what it's trying to tell me, but I want it to take me on a deep journey. I want to feel the yearning.
I'll check back later to see what you do with it.
Have a great day.
michael ...
When we learn to live in the moment, we truly become immortal _________________ ---------------------
Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期三 三月 19, 2008 9:10 am 发表主题: Re: My Lover |
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Penshell 写到: |
I think this is still in the making. At the moment it feels somewhat lost, lacking in substance. It needs a stronger (yet gentle, perhaps wishful) voice. I understand what it's trying to tell me, but I want it to take me on a deep journey. I want to feel the yearning.
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I concur!
The last stanza does take me on a journey of longing for love.
By the way, your use of punctuation is, sometimes, confusing. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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nephi[nephi] nephi作品集 九品县令 (一不小心,做了官儿了。)
注册时间: 2008-02-28 帖子: 10
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发表于: 星期三 三月 19, 2008 7:00 pm 发表主题: Re: My Lover |
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星子 写到: |
There is a safe garden in my dream,
there you come and go.
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there or where you come and go? _________________ For you, forerunner
Outstripping darkness
Your mind sharp as sunlight
Piercing our shadows. |
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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期三 三月 19, 2008 8:38 pm 发表主题: |
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Hi Eric,
Thanks a lot,
Laterly I listened to many love songs. So it brings me this. Need more work.
Anna _________________
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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期三 三月 19, 2008 8:39 pm 发表主题: |
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Hi nephi,
I think both should work. Thanks. _________________
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连南河[FAFAFA] 连南河作品集 三品按察使 (天,你是斑竹吧?)
注册时间: 2008-01-14 帖子: 861
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发表于: 星期五 三月 21, 2008 8:05 pm 发表主题: |
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星子 写到:
There is a safe garden in my dream,
there you come and go.
A warm and fragrant garden
'don't forget me'
I'm a little blue flower
Cheer!
Hormish, in Hormish Garden |
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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期六 三月 22, 2008 5:26 pm 发表主题: |
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Today I learn "Bluegrass".
_________________
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连南河[FAFAFA] 连南河作品集 三品按察使 (天,你是斑竹吧?)
注册时间: 2008-01-14 帖子: 861
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发表于: 星期日 三月 30, 2008 8:37 am 发表主题: |
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The Bluegrass
Should translate using the bio-technology
Should be to use a blue gene
That is cloning from
'don' t forget me'
Or 'bluegrass' |
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anna[星子安娜] anna作品集 Site Admin
注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141
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发表于: 星期一 三月 31, 2008 9:05 pm 发表主题: |
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Thanks for reading.
In fact, I heard "Bluegrass" means a kind of music or grass in good quality.
I don't where the mean you mentioned come from. _________________ ---------------------
Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
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