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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期一 三月 10, 2008 9:08 pm 发表主题: Game is over |
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Many voices, loud,
approach to declare,
to rise and make judgment
We become ignored --
Having been waiting so long,
those thunders lost in the distance . . .
What is useful
to harvest the crops,
when no value left after cutting?
We let go of them
those voices that claim
their victory. _________________
最后进行编辑的是 星子 on 星期二 三月 11, 2008 12:03 pm, 总计第 4 次编辑 |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期一 三月 10, 2008 11:10 pm 发表主题: Re: Game is over |
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星子 写到: |
We become ignoring --
Having waiting so long,
those thunders lost in the distance . . .
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Ignoring what? You need to put an object after "ignoring."
Having waiting so long or Having been waiting so long? _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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Champagne[Champagne] Champagne作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-09-15 帖子: 394 来自: Nowhere & Everywhere
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发表于: 星期二 三月 11, 2008 8:08 am 发表主题: Re: Game is over |
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An interesting title.
Which game do you refer to? the power game of criticism?
星子 写到: |
What is the use,
to harvest the chops,
when no value left underneath?
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What is useful
to harvest the crops
when no value is left underneath? _________________ I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy. |
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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期二 三月 11, 2008 8:16 am 发表主题: |
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Hi Eric,
Thanks for suggestion.
Irgore, I emit the object, it is the voices...
BTW, the game is no win for every one. _________________
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Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
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发表于: 星期二 三月 11, 2008 4:13 pm 发表主题: |
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星子,
As the title suggests it should be a powerful poem, but I am afraid because of your expressions it lacks the clarity and I failed to grasp the theme of this poem. Here is my two cents:
Even though you changed "ignoring" to "ignored", it is still not clear.
"ignored" means "We" are ignored by others, which I think is not what you meant. Are you trying to say We begin to ignore?
引用: | What is useful
to harvest the crops,
when no value left after cutting? |
"What is useful", we normally say what's the use of doing sth.
I think my biggest problem with this stanza is its meaning. Harvest is the most valuable thing; even when the crops are cut down, we still possess the fruit of the year's hard work and effort, and the land is at rest preparing for another round of harvest.
I must emphasize these are only my opinion, and other readers may have no problems with the issues I raised.
Having said that, I do feel a kind of undercurrent in this poem.
All the best,
Lake |
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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期二 三月 11, 2008 4:29 pm 发表主题: |
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Hi Lake,
Thanks.
This is a confusing poem, I am still trying to figure out how to express and what do I want to reveal . . . _________________
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