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my homework (2) Good Beginning

 
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星子[ANNA]
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酷我!I made it!
酷我!I made it!


注册时间: 2004-06-05
帖子: 13192
来自: Toronto

帖子发表于: 星期一 十月 15, 2007 1:13 pm    发表主题: my homework (2) Good Beginning 引用并回复

1. research

http://www.geocities.com/fifth_grade_tpes/beginnings.html

2. writing a good beginning.

Week two, A good beginning (Anna Yin)

When she woke up, she found herself lying on the bed, covered by a white bed sheet. Through the dim light, she glanced around, the room was tiny. sparsely furnished. It seemed to be a typical hotel room.
“Where am I? Why am I here? What happened? …” She stared at the flower-patterned wall paper blankly, no clue except she had a huge headache.
No one else was in the room, there was only silence. She hated to be such a fool, not knowing anything about what happened to her; she wished to dig her memory out.... Then she caught sight of her pink purse, lying on the chair, flat as a fish. She suddenly remembered that her partner, Lisa had packed a plump envelop into her purse, then zipped it and handed it to her. She threw the blanket out and tried to reach her purse…
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星子[ANNA]
星子作品集

酷我!I made it!
酷我!I made it!


注册时间: 2004-06-05
帖子: 13192
来自: Toronto

帖子发表于: 星期一 十月 15, 2007 3:19 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

写了另一个

Waiting

It was surprised that she finished reading the book "Waiting" so quickly. Not long ago, she didn't like to read long novels, especially by a Chinese writer.
But the story compelled her and the reality it brought from that special situation agonized her. She felt the pain as she looked through her swallened eyes, under some uncertain depth shadows loomed.
She urged to read more of the author, Ha Jin.
It was sad for her to recognize the novel blinked a clue to her current tangled life. She herself was waiting and waiting...
Although she was in a world with much freedom, she sensed her waiting the same, a withered flower. But how and why, she wondered. She thought she was totally different from the heroine, besides she was in Canada, a free spirit world. But she still reviewed the book as a shadow of her inner part. “Come on, don’t be silly! It is 21 century. That was in time of Chinese cultural reform, everything was crazy. You are not her and you come along all the way to Canada by yourself, you are much lucky and wise!” She told herself again. But it still haunted her…
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
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二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期一 十月 15, 2007 5:27 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

星子 写到:


It was sad for her to recognize the novel blinked a clue to her current tangled life. She herself was waiting and waiting...
Although she was in a world with much freedom, she sensed her waiting the same, a withered flower. But how and why, she wondered. She thought she was totally different from the heroine, besides she was in Canada, a free spirit world. But she still reviewed the book as a shadow of her inner part. “Come on, don’t be silly! It is 21 century. That was in time of Chinese cultural reform, everything was crazy. You are not her and you come along all the way to Canada by yourself, you are much lucky and wise!” She told herself again. But it still haunted her…




All men are born free, and yet everywhere lie in chains

-- Jean-Jacques Rousseau


What follows is my literary response to the question raised in her mind:

Freedom, the New Master

In a land of infinite possibilities, a young man arrived and met Freedom, which he had yearned for all of his life, for the first time.

"Please let stay here and serve you." the young man said, "My old master treats me badly and he is becoming insane. I can't bear it anymore. Please, let me stay."

Freedom agreed and was generous to him, giving him a new name, a new job, a totally different life. All he had to do in order to pay back Freedom was to cut off his roots and to erase his memory.

Thereafter, the young man lived a happy life and he never parted from Freedom, his new master.
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Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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anna[星子安娜]
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注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 7141

帖子发表于: 星期一 十月 15, 2007 5:45 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Hi Eric

Thanks.

Another good beginning?Very Happy

BTW, please let me know if it works.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada

帖子发表于: 星期二 十月 16, 2007 8:08 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Regarding your homework 2:


I think you need to trim these two paragraphs down a little bit. Try to keep the reader in suspense: show, but don’t tell.
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Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
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星子[ANNA]
星子作品集

酷我!I made it!
酷我!I made it!


注册时间: 2004-06-05
帖子: 13192
来自: Toronto

帖子发表于: 星期二 十月 16, 2007 9:43 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

HI ERIC

今晚才有时间,打了电话给TERRY....

然后打你的电话...明天看看
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anna[星子安娜]
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帖子发表于: 星期一 十月 22, 2007 3:20 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Before she hit the "send" button, she read it again:
"For the sake of a real life, let's forget each other. Take care."
That is it. She reminded herself, every fancy dream has an end. Now I shall have peace of mind.
"Game is over" appeared on her screen, she gazed at it for the last time.
Feeling a huge void surrounding her, she forced herself to move her mouse to the list of friends:
"Butterfly","goldner"…She clicked the "delete all" button…
That was two years ago, time has gone with no echo. She gradually forgot all of it until today her new computer screen consistently flashed three lines,
"Pandora is back".
"Pandora is back".
"Pandora is back".
She was shocked. She believed she had left no trace in that virtual world, she believed her new life, a real life confidential enough that no one could trace her here.
But Pandora found her indeed, and now the three huge words seemed a vicious curse…
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com
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