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游客[FAFAFA] 游客作品集
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发表于: 星期三 六月 02, 2004 12:51 pm 发表主题: 对 Anna 的 "Go Home" 的译文 |
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原文:
Go Home
The moon is sailing beyond the Rocky Mountain.
The waves are poppling in the Great Lake.
The sunrise is blazing upon the Pacific Ocean,
The breezes are blowing from the Great Wall,
My mind is a drifting boat,
With whisper stippling wishes;
My yearning is a still flame,
For trees surrendered in drooping.
A garden wandering in a dream,
A horizon chasing with wings,
A journey wading alone,
To home…
译文:
月沉洛山情悠悠,
浪搏大湖汇细流。
金乌翔海舞红袖,
风啸长城鸣不休!
乱绪如漂舟,
低语我所忧。
燎原星火胸中留,
不从风中柳。
梦园千遍游,
翱天双翼求。
孤桨涉水九万九,
只为故乡酒! |
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anna[星子安娜] anna作品集 Site Admin
注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141
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发表于: 星期三 六月 02, 2004 3:51 pm 发表主题: |
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The english poem is more soft and lingering.
The translation is more majestic and powerful.
I like both.
Thanks, _________________ ---------------------
Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
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朱新魁[FAFAFA] 朱新魁作品集 三品按察使 (天,你是斑竹吧?)
注册时间: 2004-10-18 帖子: 995 来自: 郑州市
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发表于: 星期一 十一月 01, 2004 5:31 am 发表主题: |
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不错,能口语化一些是否更好呢? _________________ 朱新魁 |
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Colin Campbell[克林] Colin Campbell作品集 九品县令 (一不小心,做了官儿了。)
注册时间: 2004-08-07 帖子: 35 来自: 中国云南昆明市
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发表于: 星期二 一月 04, 2005 9:14 pm 发表主题: |
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What a lovely evocative piece of writing.
最后进行编辑的是 Colin Campbell on 星期二 一月 04, 2005 9:43 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期二 一月 04, 2005 9:20 pm 发表主题: |
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Colin Campbell 写到:
What a lovely ecocative piece of writing.
Thanks Colin. Welcome back.
I have tried a few haiku (Cocoon) (Moon ), you are an expert. Please share your insight.
Cocoon---
When dream is unwrapped,
beauty inside reveals truth:
change never ceases.
Moon---
Moon wanders alone
above the silvery street
weaving thread till dawn.
Thanks. |
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Colin Campbell[克林] Colin Campbell作品集 九品县令 (一不小心,做了官儿了。)
注册时间: 2004-08-07 帖子: 35 来自: 中国云南昆明市
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发表于: 星期二 一月 04, 2005 10:43 pm 发表主题: |
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Hi Anna,
I really don’t think I’m an expert but it was very kind of you to say so.
Here are some thoughts:
Cocoon
Perhaps this is a senryu rather than a haiku as it relates to the human rather than the natural world.
you might try …
unwrapping a dream
reveals truth in its beauty
change never ceasing
Moon
you might try …
Moon wanders alone
above silver streets sleeping
spins threads until dawn.
with kind regards
Colin |
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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期四 一月 06, 2005 1:02 pm 发表主题: |
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Hi Colin,
I think "spin" is much vivider than "weave".
Thanks.
Anna _________________
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