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非马[FAFAFA] 非马作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2005-10-15 帖子: 1053
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发表于: 星期日 三月 25, 2007 9:44 am 发表主题: 露易丝湖 LAKE LOUISE |
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露易丝湖
这么妩媚娇艳的掌上珠
我见犹怜
难怪上帝他老人家
要频频交代
粗鲁的恐龙不能来
熙熙攘攘的观光客不能来
LAKE LOUISE
so delicate
so vulnerable
in a chamber
deep in the high mountains
alone
there's got to be a sign
guarding
this little girl
of God
NO DINOSAURS ALLOWED
NO NOISY TOURISTS ALLOWED |
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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期日 三月 25, 2007 10:08 am 发表主题: |
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英文不错...
个人感觉中文少了诗意.... _________________
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Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
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发表于: 星期日 三月 25, 2007 1:17 pm 发表主题: |
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非马先生的短诗真值得我好好学习。
Is this the same Lake?
Vulnerable 用的好。
I only stumbled a little at this stanza
there's got to be a sign
guarding
this little girl
of God
At first I read it as "this little girl of God", then I reread it as " a sign of God, guarding this little girl". Maybe it is just my habit of reading. |
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非马[FFFFFF] 非马作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2005-10-15 帖子: 1053
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发表于: 星期日 三月 25, 2007 4:36 pm 发表主题: |
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Hi, Lake,
It's the same lake. The English version of my poem is a bit different from the Chinese version. They somehow came out this way and I didn't feel I should change either of them.
I meant to read "this little girl of God." If it were "a sign.... of God," the separation would be too much. But any ambiguity is a plus for my poem. Ha! |
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Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
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发表于: 星期日 三月 25, 2007 5:03 pm 发表主题: |
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非马 写到: | Hi, Lake,
It's the same lake. The English version of my poem is a bit different from the Chinese version. They somehow came out this way and I didn't feel I should change either of them.
I meant to read "this little girl of God." If it were "a sign.... of God," the separation would be too much. But any ambiguity is a plus for my poem. Ha! |
非马先生,
See, how differently people write about the same thing! I feel the tenderness in your poem.
哈哈, ambiguity. 我也希望我的诗里有呢。
看来,还是要相信第一直觉。第二种解读,是受了您的中文版的影响。同意,"separation would be too much", that is why I stumbled. 下次读您的诗要吸取教训 :您的两种版本不是互译,是双语创作!
谢谢您的解析。 |
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博弈[Mark] 博弈作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-09-24 帖子: 1484 来自: San Francisco
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发表于: 星期一 三月 26, 2007 4:08 pm 发表主题: Re: 露易丝湖 LAKE LOUISE |
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非马 写到: | 露易丝湖
这么妩媚娇艳的掌上珠
我见犹怜
难怪上帝他老人家
要频频交代
粗鲁的恐龙不能来
熙熙攘攘的观光客不能来
LAKE LOUISE
so delicate
so vulnerable
in a chamber
deep in the high mountains
alone
there's got to be a sign
guarding
this little girl
of God
NO DINOSAURS ALLOWED
NO NOISY TOURISTS ALLOWED |
agree with lake on 'vulnerable' (hmm, should be Lake), i also like '掌上珠';a sweet, nice poem. as it should, read as what the poet suggested, i see no ambiguity though. _________________ Sometimes I am busy
Sometimes I am free
In between, there's it
Until I find thee... |
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不清[不清] 不清作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-03-22 帖子: 1364
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发表于: 星期一 三月 26, 2007 4:19 pm 发表主题: |
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This one is kind of interesting. I like the English version more. There is enough room for further imagination. _________________ 「四十二排浪,沒有一排是相似的」——不清
博客:
http://42waves.tumblr.com |
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Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
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发表于: 星期四 四月 05, 2007 2:07 pm 发表主题: Re: 露易丝湖 LAKE LOUISE |
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博弈 写到: |
agree with lake on 'vulnerable' (hmm, should be Lake), |
What do you mean by this, 博弈? |
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博弈[Mark] 博弈作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-09-24 帖子: 1484 来自: San Francisco
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发表于: 星期四 四月 05, 2007 2:45 pm 发表主题: Re: 露易丝湖 LAKE LOUISE |
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Lake 写到: | 博弈 写到: |
agree with lake on 'vulnerable' (hmm, should be Lake), |
What do you mean by this, 博弈? |
I meant that I agreed with you (Lake) the view on 'vulnerable'.
I keep delaying my flight, I will be away from convenient access after next Tuesday, so excuse me if I don't reply in the coming month.
Wish every poet/poetess the best. _________________ Sometimes I am busy
Sometimes I am free
In between, there's it
Until I find thee... |
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Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
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发表于: 星期四 四月 05, 2007 3:07 pm 发表主题: Re: 露易丝湖 LAKE LOUISE |
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博弈 写到: | Lake 写到: | 博弈 写到: |
agree with lake on 'vulnerable' (hmm, should be Lake), |
What do you mean by this, 博弈? |
I meant that I agreed with you (Lake) the view on 'vulnerable'.
I keep delaying my flight, I will be away from convenient access after next Tuesday, so excuse me if I don't reply in the coming month.
Wish every poet/poetess the best. |
Before you take off, I mean what do you mean by saying this (hmm, should be Lake)?
Wherever you go, whish you a smooth journey! |
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