酷我-北美枫

bei · 举人 （中举啦，狂喜中！） 注册时间: 2007-02-20 帖子: 9

You have a beautiful dream that I deify
traveling the colorful world with love inside
I used to be a tiny bud without pride
You might forget it's your words that make me bright

You went into my life then passed by
left nothing to me except how to fight
I've told myself never to cry
while the tears filled my eyes

When the haze blurs the hollow sky
with the feelings that intertwine
I can find something in my mind
that's your smile like sunshine

Is everybody able to fly
let us try and never say die

Lake · 发表于: 星期五三月 02, 2007 11:22 am 发表主题:

Your first English poem? 很好呢。欢迎！
It flows, it rhymes, a love poem.
还是14行。
最后的 couplet 少了点新意。用die 结尾不大好。Personal opinion.
Thanks for the post.

星子 · 发表于: 星期五三月 02, 2007 12:05 pm 发表主题:

不错...
When the haze blurs the hollow sky
with the feelings that intertwine

最喜欢这两句

You may try more vivid and fresh image for the ending.
_________________

bei · 发表于: 星期五三月 02, 2007 10:04 pm 发表主题: 谢谢回复

谢谢楼上的回复。
我不太会写英文的，中文的古诗和文言文比较在行……
还希望会写诗的朋友多与我交流和联系
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