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Blue Ice[FAFAFA] Blue Ice作品集 六品通判 (官儿做大了,保持廉洁哦)
注册时间: 2005-05-03 帖子: 146
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发表于: 星期一 二月 13, 2006 9:32 pm 发表主题: White Rose |
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Please leave a rose,
it only belongs to me.
in a special date,
I wish to get a rose with white color.
I never understand the language of the flower,
but I know that white means purity,
and rose is love,
that is enough .
Please leave the rose on the stone stool,
which is on my front door.
When I wake up in the Moonlight,
I will glad to know,
you were here at one time |
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broadstroke[broadstroke] broadstroke作品集 九品县令 (一不小心,做了官儿了。)
注册时间: 2005-05-17 帖子: 31
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发表于: 星期三 二月 15, 2006 5:16 pm 发表主题: White Rose |
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You are a Rose. And your petals (poems) bring smiles to the hearts of the lives you touch. |
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LavenderSwing[我还没有昵称] LavenderSwing作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2004-05-29 帖子: 321 来自: China
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发表于: 星期三 二月 15, 2006 6:05 pm 发表主题: |
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I wish to get a rose with white color.
---I wish to have a white rose..
I will glad to know,
you were here at one time
----you were here once again. |
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朱新魁[FFFFFF] 朱新魁作品集 三品按察使 (天,你是斑竹吧?)
注册时间: 2004-10-18 帖子: 995 来自: 郑州市
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发表于: 星期四 三月 09, 2006 8:25 pm 发表主题: |
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I will glad to know,
you were here at one time |
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白水[FAFAFA] 白水作品集 一品翰林院大学士 (酷我!I made it!)
注册时间: 2004-05-16 帖子: 9025 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期二 五月 30, 2006 9:18 pm 发表主题: |
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我把此诗歌贴到西人网站得很多帮助, 比如:文化背景, 生活习惯, 最让我感动的是一些细微的错误他们都细心的帮你改正. 贴一则他们的帖, 我觉的我们也可以借鉴而形成这种互动
I think this is an altogether beautiful poem. there are a few suggestions I have regarding a few words;
1st stanza, 3th line: you have "in" a special date, i believe that should be "on" a a special date.
2nd stanza, 1st line: perhaps "understood" should be "understood"
3rd stanza, 1st line: I'm not sure what a "stone stool" is
4th stanza, 1st line: leave the word "up" out of this line
4th stanza, 2nd line: add "be" to this line, as "I will be glad to know"
the above is in no way a criticism of this excellent poem which stands on its own for its beauty and subtle thought. with or without any changes at all this is a wonderfully sensitive poem to read, almost like a note left somewhere for a loved one. thank you for the wonderful experience of this poem.
regards, RivRaf
最后进行编辑的是 白水 on 星期三 五月 31, 2006 4:50 pm, 总计第 3 次编辑 |
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白水[FFFFFF] 白水作品集 一品翰林院大学士 (酷我!I made it!)
注册时间: 2004-05-16 帖子: 9025 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期二 五月 30, 2006 9:20 pm 发表主题: |
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根据他们的建议, 我修改了一些:
White Rose
Please leave a rose,
it only belongs to me.
on a special date,
I wish for a white rose
I don't understand the language of the flower,
but I know that white means purity,
and rose is love,
that is enough .
Please leave the rose on the tombstone
which is on my front door.
When I wake in the Moonlight,
I will be glad to know,
you were here at one time
白玫瑰
请留下一朵
一朵仅仅属于我的玫瑰
在这个特殊的日子
我期盼着
一朵白色的玫瑰
我从来
不解花的语言
却知道白象征纯洁
玫瑰蕴藏着爱
这
已经足够
请留下
一朵
白色的玫瑰
在那前门的墓碑
当我在月光中醒来
我会欣喜的发现, 你
曾
经
来
过
清晨, 是她的手, 移动着我的笔. 她走了, 很远......
她是我儿时最好的朋友, 却被癌症夺去了美丽的青春
不知今天可有人为她送一支白色的玫瑰, 或是亲朋, 或是情人.......
最后进行编辑的是 白水 on 星期三 五月 31, 2006 4:50 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
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和平岛[我还没有昵称] 和平岛作品集 一品翰林院大学士 (酷我!I made it!)
注册时间: 2004-05-16 帖子: 5614 来自: Victoria
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发表于: 星期三 五月 31, 2006 11:29 am 发表主题: |
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I don't understand the language of the flower, |
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白水[FFFFFF] 白水作品集 一品翰林院大学士 (酷我!I made it!)
注册时间: 2004-05-16 帖子: 9025 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期三 五月 31, 2006 4:48 pm 发表主题: |
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和平岛 写到: | I don't understand the language of the flower, |
PEACE, YOU ARE RIGHT, I WILL CORRECT IT. THANKS . |
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