酷我-北美枫

Blue Ice · 发表于: 星期一二月 13, 2006 9:32 pm 发表主题: White Rose

Please leave a rose,
it only belongs to me.
in a special date,
I wish to get a rose with white color.

I never understand the language of the flower,
but I know that white means purity,
and rose is love,
that is enough .

Please leave the rose on the stone stool,
which is on my front door.

When I wake up in the Moonlight,
I will glad to know,
you were here at one time

broadstroke · 发表于: 星期三二月 15, 2006 5:16 pm 发表主题: White Rose

You are a Rose. And your petals (poems) bring smiles to the hearts of the lives you touch.

LavenderSwing · 发表于: 星期三二月 15, 2006 6:05 pm 发表主题:

I wish to get a rose with white color.
---I wish to have a white rose..

I will glad to know,
you were here at one time

----you were here once again.

朱新魁 · 发表于: 星期四三月 09, 2006 8:25 pm 发表主题:

I will glad to know,
you were here at one time

白水 · 发表于: 星期二五月 30, 2006 9:18 pm 发表主题:

我把此诗歌贴到西人网站得很多帮助, 比如:文化背景, 生活习惯, 最让我感动的是一些细微的错误他们都细心的帮你改正. 贴一则他们的帖, 我觉的我们也可以借鉴而形成这种互动 Embarassed

I think this is an altogether beautiful poem. there are a few suggestions I have regarding a few words;
1st stanza, 3th line: you have "in" a special date, i believe that should be "on" a a special date.
2nd stanza, 1st line: perhaps "understood" should be "understood"
3rd stanza, 1st line: I'm not sure what a "stone stool" is
4th stanza, 1st line: leave the word "up" out of this line
4th stanza, 2nd line: add "be" to this line, as "I will be glad to know"

the above is in no way a criticism of this excellent poem which stands on its own for its beauty and subtle thought. with or without any changes at all this is a wonderfully sensitive poem to read, almost like a note left somewhere for a loved one. thank you for the wonderful experience of this poem.

regards, RivRaf

白水 · 发表于: 星期二五月 30, 2006 9:20 pm 发表主题:

根据他们的建议, 我修改了一些:
White Rose

Please leave a rose,
it only belongs to me.
on a special date,
I wish for a white rose

I don't understand the language of the flower,
but I know that white means purity,
and rose is love,
that is enough .

Please leave the rose on the tombstone
which is on my front door.

When I wake in the Moonlight,
I will be glad to know,
you were here at one time

白玫瑰

请留下一朵
一朵仅仅属于我的玫瑰
在这个特殊的日子
我期盼着
一朵白色的玫瑰

我从来
不解花的语言
却知道白象征纯洁
玫瑰蕴藏着爱
这
已经足够

请留下
一朵
白色的玫瑰
在那前门的墓碑
当我在月光中醒来
我会欣喜的发现, 你
曾
经
来
过

清晨, 是她的手, 移动着我的笔. 她走了, 很远......
她是我儿时最好的朋友, 却被癌症夺去了美丽的青春
不知今天可有人为她送一支白色的玫瑰, 或是亲朋, 或是情人.......

和平岛 · 发表于: 星期三五月 31, 2006 11:29 am 发表主题:

I don't understand the language of the flower,

白水 · 发表于: 星期三五月 31, 2006 4:48 pm 发表主题: