酷我-北美枫

和平岛 · 发表于: 星期五五月 06, 2005 10:17 am 发表主题: 周五的阳光

五月的第一个周五
我要发自内心地大喊一声
“终结这自闭式的生活吧!”
把门窗通通打开
把植物移上阳台
让大把大把的阳光涌进
还有从云杉的高枝抖落的亮丽的鸟鸣
我看到街口的一只塑料袋里释放出的光
沾满露水的青草坪
这是我今晨能握住的所有幸福
从微波炉内取出一杯热腾腾的牛奶
或者淡淡的茶水
瞅着一小片一小片下沉的绿叶
双眼擦亮的不熄的火
给远方的爱人发送一个吻
并亲口告诉她
“一小块阳光和绿色
就足够我爱恋一生”

肖今 · 发表于: 星期五五月 06, 2005 10:38 am 发表主题:

一小块阳光和绿色
就足够我爱恋一生

当爱深时,就是这样小小的物质都可以满足
_________________
░░破茧成蝶眼泪，从此不咸░░

NO FOREVER , ONLY LONGER！

蓝冰 · 发表于: 星期五五月 06, 2005 7:18 pm 发表主题:

我看到街口的一只塑料袋里释放出的光
沾满露水的青草坪
这是我今晨能握住的所有幸福

幸福源于心

星子 · 发表于: 星期五五月 06, 2005 10:31 pm 发表主题:

i试译一下，，，请提意见。。。

On the first Friday in May,
From my deepest throat,
I let out a loud shout:
“Do end the hibernating and secluded life.”
I push each window1 and door open,
move all plants to balcony,
Let lots of lots of sunlight pour down,
and crisp bright birdcalls fall in.
Watching a plastic bag gleaming on the corner
And fresh lawn shining with dewdrops,
The feeling of happiness this morning I can grasp is here.
in my hand.
Holding a glass of warm milk
Or a cup of green tea,
I gaze on these little brown leaves swirling,
swirling, my eyes blaze endless flame.
With an urge to send a kiss to my faraway lover,
I shall tell her,
“Even with a small patch of light and green land
it is enough for me to love with my entire life.”

和平岛 · 发表于: 星期五五月 06, 2005 10:49 pm 发表主题:

Thanks
litlte star:)

和平岛 · 发表于: 星期五五月 06, 2005 11:08 pm 发表主题:

Friday Sunshine

Translated by 星子

On the first Friday in May
From the deepest soul
I make a thunder:
“Terminate the hibernating and secluded life!”
Push windows and doors open
Move plants to the balcony
Let lots and lots of sunlight pour through
and crisp bright birdcalls fall from the Douglas fur
Watch a plastic bag gleaming by the street corner
and fresh lawn shining with morning dews
All the happiness I can grasp is here
Is here, right in my hands
Hold a glass of hot milk
Or a cup of green tea
Gazing on those little green leaves swirling
Swirling down, my eyes blaze endless flame
Eager to send a kiss to my faraway lover
Should she know
“Even a tiny patch of sunlight and green
Is all there for me to love to the eternity!”

LavenderSwing · 发表于: 星期五五月 06, 2005 11:35 pm 发表主题:

I make a thunder:
“Terminate the hibernating and secluded life!”
----that is good..

I didn't use the soul or heart, since it is a little cliche... but here is good.

But too many action with the same tense is a little boring....
(Move, Let, Watch... Hold... So I think need to add a little various style..)

Eager to send a kiss to my faraway lover
Should she know
“Even a tiny patch of sunlight and green
Is all for me to love to the eternity!

The end is better !

LavenderSwing · 发表于: 星期五五月 06, 2005 11:37 pm 发表主题:

Let lots and lots of sunlight pour through
----change to
Let sunlight pour through

---more powerful!

Watch to Watching ----will have the effect of pondering...(from action to thoughts).

和平岛 · 发表于: 星期五五月 06, 2005 11:39 pm 发表主题:

thanks
keeping on editing:

Friday Sunshine

Translated by 星子

On the first Friday in May
From the deepest soul of Spring
I make a thunder:
“Terminate the hibernating and secluded life!”
Push open the door and windows
Move plants to the balcony
When sunlight pours through
and crisp bright birdcalls fall from the Douglas fur
Watching a plastic bag gleaming by the street corner
and fresh lawn shining with morning dews
All the happiness I can grasp is here
Is here, right in my hands
Hold a glass of hot milk
Or a cup of green tea
Gazing on those little leaves swirling
Swirling down,
my eyes blaze endless flame
Eager to send a kiss to my faraway lover
Should she know
“Even a tiny patch of sunlight and green
Is that all for me to love to eternity!”

和平岛 · 发表于: 星期五五月 06, 2005 11:56 pm 发表主题:

谢谢
很满意了：）

星子 · 发表于: 星期六五月 07, 2005 10:20 pm 发表主题:

----some minor changes-- From my western poet...

Anna, I think you did a wonderful job at translating

(Your friend has a wonderful poem!)

On the first Friday in May
From the deepest soul of Spring
I make a thunder:
“Terminate the secluded hibernation life!”
Push open the door and windows
Move plants to the balcony
Let sunlight pours through
as crisp bright birdcalls fall from the Douglas fur
Watching a plastic bag gleaming by the street corner
and the fresh lawn shining with morning dews
All the happiness I can grasp is here
Is here, right in my hands
Holding a glass of hot milk
Or a cup of green tea
Gazing on those little leaves swirling
Swirling down,
my eyes blaze like endless flames
Eager to send a kiss to my faraway lover
Should she know
“Even a tiny patch of sunlight and green
Is this all for me to love for eternity!”

白水 · 发表于: 星期六五月 07, 2005 10:59 pm 发表主题:

岛班, 到你出山的时候了, '翻译家园'星星尽力了, 自我感觉我也尽力了, Very Happy

为给星星留出时间, 硬着头皮顶了近一个月斑斑. 回过头看, 个人以为不是斑竹问题, 还是人气不足. 象你们这些英文好诗也写好的人都不写英文诗, 谁还敢再提笔...
SORRY, 如觉所言不妥, 请立马删除该帖, 谢谢

星子 · 发表于: 星期六五月 07, 2005 11:16 pm 发表主题:

其实写诗是一步步提高的过程。。。写英文也一样。。

不在乎谁高，在乎自己有无提高。。

这是我第三次译别人的诗，通过译，我觉得中英文都有所收获。。。
对理解别人的诗意都有提高。。。

希望你也试试。。
_________________

和平岛 · 发表于: 星期日五月 08, 2005 12:19 am 发表主题:

现代诗本来是源于西方的, 应该从英文诗学起
但我是中国人, 还想在提生了华语诗歌后, 再回头进军英文诗吧
我想, 我还再需要一年的时间, 来发掘中文诗的潜力...
一年之后, 一定全力开辟英文诗的战场 Smile

这算是我的誓言吧, 呵呵

和平岛 · 发表于: 星期日五月 08, 2005 12:20 am 发表主题:

谢谢星子!