酷我-北美枫

[anna]

just won the gold cup and won 800 points for haiku contest in allpoetry site and need to host the next contest.... Here are my winning haiku

into foxtails
dogs chase foxes-
tails wag

boy sits on
newly painted chair-
fresh art
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

just won the gold cup and won 800 points for haiku contest in allpoetry site and need to host the next contest.... Here are my winning haiku

into foxtails
dogs chase foxes-
tails wag

boy sits on
newly painted chair-
fresh art
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

Hi Anna,
you've seen some strong images, put them down in three lines, but what makes a haiku is the suggestibility of the images as well as the contrast or comparison between two phenomena (which is a juxtaposition). What you have to work out to avoid is cause and effect--one image shouldn't cause the other one to happen.
Also, you usually find a fragment then a phrase that takes up two lines or the other way around. Here, in many cases, you have three fragments. For example,
each line reads alone in your last 3 liner instead of two lines having a flow. In this snake poem, you also suggest little as the obvious cry occurs from the cause
of the door being ajar which is cause and effect. The snake image should be more indirect and subtle. for example,

s s s s's
in the garden soil
twist of my bracelet


the tea turns cold--
an empty mailbox
this winter afternoon

Season words are another highlight of haiku which signal the time of year at the moment the ku happens in real time. haiku images occur simultaneously and one
image corresponds with the other image. I would suggest keeping a journal and writing down images from walks or from sitting out in a backyard or from other
places(like a beach, mountain view) where nature makes the poet reflect and yet even a busy city has its places where you can find the ku moment.
You are on a journey that will reward you immensely with the pleasure of writing clearly and with less words that suggest more than what most poet's say
in so many more lines.

wings in the maple
out of my palm flies
a dandelion seed

I could go on and on. good luck, Anna,
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Hi Anna,
you've seen some strong images, put them down in three lines, but what makes a haiku is the suggestibility of the images as well as the contrast or comparison between two phenomena (which is a juxtaposition). What you have to work out to avoid is cause and effect--one image shouldn't cause the other one to happen.
Also, you usually find a fragment then a phrase that takes up two lines or the other way around. Here, in many cases, you have three fragments. For example,
each line reads alone in your last 3 liner instead of two lines having a flow. In this snake poem, you also suggest little as the obvious cry occurs from the cause
of the door being ajar which is cause and effect. The snake image should be more indirect and subtle. for example,

s s s s's
in the garden soil
twist of my bracelet


the tea turns cold--
an empty mailbox
this winter afternoon

Season words are another highlight of haiku which signal the time of year at the moment the ku happens in real time. haiku images occur simultaneously and one
image corresponds with the other image. I would suggest keeping a journal and writing down images from walks or from sitting out in a backyard or from other
places(like a beach, mountain view) where nature makes the poet reflect and yet even a busy city has its places where you can find the ku moment.
You are on a journey that will reward you immensely with the pleasure of writing clearly and with less words that suggest more than what most poet's say
in so many more lines.

wings in the maple
out of my palm flies
a dandelion seed

I could go on and on. good luck, Anna,
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

Anna,

daPabman gave you (& to me also) the most succinct advice.
My other advice is to eliminate articles as much as possible.
One can write a Haiku almost as a telegram.

photographer creeps
near a cub in the cave
eye (iris) fits (iris) into eye

(empty) mail box
no news arrives
tea turns cold

and with the following I just had to have fun with it.

a door ajar
a snake slithers out
a cry out

~~~

Adam tastes Eve
Worm eats apple a day
God is no doctor
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Anna,

daPabman gave you (& to me also) the most succinct advice.
My other advice is to eliminate articles as much as possible.
One can write a Haiku almost as a telegram.

photographer creeps
near a cub in the cave
eye (iris) fits (iris) into eye

(empty) mail box
no news arrives
tea turns cold

and with the following I just had to have fun with it.

a door ajar
a snake slithers out
a cry out

~~~

Adam tastes Eve
Worm eats apple a day
God is no doctor
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

hi Anna,
I suggest the exact opposite of what Alex proposes--keep in the articles as they are there in common English speech for the softening of the music of nouns. Without articles, a haiku sounds like Tonto speaking to the Lone Ranger. Images rhyme in haiku or correspond. By cutting articles, you do not condense already what is condensed by focusing on two or at the most three phenomena--all of which are separately there in a moment alone--but then echo and correspond to each other as a kind of musical note--just as punctuation is a ceasura to pause between the fragment and the phrase. You hear the silences between words rather than say that there is silence in a snowy wood for example as a poet like Frost might. for example, a haiku of mine that a friend long ago helped write;
we haiku writers tend to correspond with each other in letters and through poems--sharing ideas--gifting ideas to each other that is untraditional in regular verse--even taboo as you would call it plagerism.
Here is the ku of mine published in Dragonfly long ago, 1978 or 1980 something or so:

april dusk
the voices of children
between the houses

Why take out the articles when they add to the suggestion of the space and sounds ( in this case, voices of children) between the houses. also, did you guess that they are playing a game. What is it? did you guess hide and seek? this is what haiku does, says something with less words. for example, my friend of long ago,
Bob Barboza wrote this simple haiku:

On July fourth
look up in the sky
at night

doesn't that say more than whiz bang, firecracker, fireworks night sky explosions. yup. cheers, Anna.

ps.

sofa stuffing
spills out into the road
a family of rats
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

hi Anna,
I suggest the exact opposite of what Alex proposes--keep in the articles as they are there in common English speech for the softening of the music of nouns. Without articles, a haiku sounds like Tonto speaking to the Lone Ranger. Images rhyme in haiku or correspond. By cutting articles, you do not condense already what is condensed by focusing on two or at the most three phenomena--all of which are separately there in a moment alone--but then echo and correspond to each other as a kind of musical note--just as punctuation is a ceasura to pause between the fragment and the phrase. You hear the silences between words rather than say that there is silence in a snowy wood for example as a poet like Frost might. for example, a haiku of mine that a friend long ago helped write;
we haiku writers tend to correspond with each other in letters and through poems--sharing ideas--gifting ideas to each other that is untraditional in regular verse--even taboo as you would call it plagerism.
Here is the ku of mine published in Dragonfly long ago, 1978 or 1980 something or so:

april dusk
the voices of children
between the houses

Why take out the articles when they add to the suggestion of the space and sounds ( in this case, voices of children) between the houses. also, did you guess that they are playing a game. What is it? did you guess hide and seek? this is what haiku does, says something with less words. for example, my friend of long ago,
Bob Barboza wrote this simple haiku:

On July fourth
look up in the sky
at night

doesn't that say more than whiz bang, firecracker, fireworks night sky explosions. yup. cheers, Anna.

ps.

sofa stuffing
spills out into the road
a family of rats
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

http://www.doubledialogues.com/archive/issue_four/lysenko.htm
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

http://www.doubledialogues.com/archive/issue_four/lysenko.htm
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

[[星子安娜]]

[anna]

distant pine
on top of the mountain
standing brush
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

distant pine
on top of the mountain
standing brush
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

[[星子安娜]]

[anna]

wedding day
over a nine-layer cake
balloons float

math class
a boy snoozes in the back
s-no-s
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

wedding day
over a nine-layer cake
balloons float

math class
a boy snoozes in the back
s-no-s
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

boxing day
teenages line up
hot

toy bone
dog wags his tail to plead
for a real

screensave
dies by a mini-mouse click
fishy
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

boxing day
teenages line up
hot

toy bone
dog wags his tail to plead
for a real

screensave
dies by a mini-mouse click
fishy
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

[[星子安娜]]

[anna]

[[星子安娜]]

[anna]

math class
a boy snoozes in the back
s-noo-s

This is a delightful haiku, the shape is wonderful and I am laughing at it-like I hope not to see this in my class! Great job with your haiku!-azure
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

math class
a boy snoozes in the back
s-noo-s

This is a delightful haiku, the shape is wonderful and I am laughing at it-like I hope not to see this in my class! Great job with your haiku!-azure
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

my comments on Myron's haiku....

time stops
as cloud passes
the sundial


by Myron

This one is very good in the sitting up... and the clean break by the first line... time stops...
it adds suspention from the first two lines, then the ahaa moment when we reach the third line. It uses a great image, use fewer syllables to sharp the image and the effect. Like nothing important when time stops.... and the juxtaposition here is the cloud moves , yet time stops ---anna
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

my comments on Myron's haiku....

time stops
as cloud passes
the sundial


by Myron

This one is very good in the sitting up... and the clean break by the first line... time stops...
it adds suspention from the first two lines, then the ahaa moment when we reach the third line. It uses a great image, use fewer syllables to sharp the image and the effect. Like nothing important when time stops.... and the juxtaposition here is the cloud moves , yet time stops ---anna
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

[[星子安娜]]