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anna[星子安娜]
anna作品集
Site Admin
注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 7141
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 发表于: 星期一 十一月 15, 2010 9:47 am 发表主题: deleted for May publishing |
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Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com
最后进行编辑的是 anna on 星期五 四月 01, 2011 10:31 am, 总计第 7 次编辑 |
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博弈[Mark]
博弈作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-09-24
帖子: 1484
来自: San Francisco
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| 发表于: 星期二 十一月 16, 2010 7:53 pm 发表主题: |
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creative, a thought provoking one, great aftereffects.
the selection of the word "Barren" is very good.
The contents/clauses could still use some refining. IMHO
It could be an excellent poem, I can see the thoughts in it.
(I would expand the idea "space" since you used words
such as
miscarriage
“Second Life" (an online game too, not sure if you meant it
but you quoted it!))
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Sometimes I am busy
Sometimes I am free
In between, there's it
Until I find thee... |
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anna[星子安娜]
anna作品集
Site Admin
注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 7141
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| 发表于: 星期三 十一月 17, 2010 9:25 am 发表主题: |
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Hi Mark,
Yes. You are right. Thank you very much for comments.
I will trim it a little bit.
"Second Life" has double meanings here, Game, yes and the word meaning too.
"Earth" has double meanings too, the earth, the mother...
Infertility applies to both...
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Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
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anna[星子安娜]
anna作品集
Site Admin
注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 7141
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| 发表于: 星期三 十一月 17, 2010 3:14 pm 发表主题: |
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Posted by arabianlady
Having 'been there", I can easily relate to the subject. Not sure whether or not I like the second person "you" instead of first person, though. Infertility is such a personal tragedy, it's hard for others to comprehend the depth of it. But the "I" knows only too well. The doctor's declaration might work better as a direct quote, "Your womb is too thin."
Drawing the parallel between the teacher's situation and an earth-shaking change is very apt. Because it does change her personal universe. And the kids can't even know about it. They just see a rather cranky teacher trying to rattle them.
Brenda
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Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
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anna[星子安娜]
anna作品集
Site Admin
注册时间: 2004-05-02
帖子: 7141
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| 发表于: 星期五 四月 01, 2011 10:29 am 发表主题: |
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deleted...
_________________
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Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
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