酷我-北美枫

[星子]

城市满载川流的人群，
高架桥置身于摩天大楼之间。
广场裸体的雕塑落满
灰色的鸽子，斜阳下
余辉成了她们的礼服。

那时你的手正点燃雪茄，
风吹在你凌乱的头发上。
霓虹灯初起，喧闹
熙攘着夜的去处。

沉下去的大地闭合着
远处依稀的窗户，
我的影子在格子间
做着飞鸟的姿式.
黑色的礼服悬在
玲珑的真空中。
_________________

[[ANNA]]

城市满载川流的人群，
高架桥置身于摩天大楼之间。
广场裸体的雕塑落满
灰色的鸽子，斜阳下
余辉成了她们的礼服。

那时你的手正点燃雪茄，
风吹在你凌乱的头发上。
霓虹灯初起，喧闹
熙攘着夜的去处。

沉下去的大地闭合着
远处依稀的窗户，
我的影子在格子间
做着飞鸟的姿式.
黑色的礼服悬在
玲珑的真空中。
_________________

[钟磊0502]

问好星子，在孤独的城市里，一个夜晚感觉韵味十足，第三节，第四节使诗意穿过想象的天空和窗纸，有穿透力。

[[钟磊]]

问好星子，在孤独的城市里，一个夜晚感觉韵味十足，第三节，第四节使诗意穿过想象的天空和窗纸，有穿透力。

[星子]

谢谢钟磊。。。有时确实走到哪，都会有寂寞的感觉。

but sometimes, we do need to be alone. Here is William Wordsworth's poem

"I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud"


I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be .,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed---and gazed---but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

William Wordsworth
_________________

[[ANNA]]

谢谢钟磊。。。有时确实走到哪，都会有寂寞的感觉。

but sometimes, we do need to be alone. Here is William Wordsworth's poem

"I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud"


I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be .,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed---and gazed---but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

William Wordsworth
_________________

[anna]

加了 翻译。。。

Clothed in isolation



The city carries crowded flows of people.
Steel bridges sit among skyscrapers.
Grey doves perch
on naked statues in Times Square.
They wait for sunset
dying light clothes them like a faded gown.

Your hands tremble to light a cigar.
The wind blows your muddled hair.
Neon lights glow, deceiving paradise
ahead.

Night falls to shut distant windows.
My shadow moves between lattices,
pretending to be a flying bird.
A dark robe hangs
in the endless empty space.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

加了 翻译。。。

Clothed in isolation



The city carries crowded flows of people.
Steel bridges sit among skyscrapers.
Grey doves perch
on naked statues in Times Square.
They wait for sunset
dying light clothes them like a faded gown.

Your hands tremble to light a cigar.
The wind blows your muddled hair.
Neon lights glow, deceiving paradise
ahead.

Night falls to shut distant windows.
My shadow moves between lattices,
pretending to be a flying bird.
A dark robe hangs
in the endless empty space.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[山城子]

真羡慕——自己就是翻译！！
_________________
诗是人生的雅伴儿。
山城茶居：http://coviews.com/weblog.php?w=46

[[*****]]

真羡慕——自己就是翻译！！
_________________
诗是人生的雅伴儿。
山城茶居：http://coviews.com/weblog.php?w=46

[若小曼]

那时你的手正点燃雪茄，
风吹在你凌乱的头发上。
霓虹灯初起，喧闹
熙攘着夜的去处。

沉下去的大地闭合着
远处依稀的窗户，
我的影子在格子间
做着飞鸟的姿式.
星子不会寂寞的，小曼在你旁边放风筝
_________________
不存在的城堡

http://blog.sina.com.cn/mumanjing

[[若小曼]]

那时你的手正点燃雪茄，
风吹在你凌乱的头发上。
霓虹灯初起，喧闹
熙攘着夜的去处。

沉下去的大地闭合着
远处依稀的窗户，
我的影子在格子间
做着飞鸟的姿式.
星子不会寂寞的，小曼在你旁边放风筝
_________________
不存在的城堡

http://blog.sina.com.cn/mumanjing

[星子]

谢小曼。。。。

我真喜欢放风筝。。。
_________________

[[ANNA]]

谢小曼。。。。

我真喜欢放风筝。。。
_________________

[若小曼]

飞的好高哇
_________________
不存在的城堡

http://blog.sina.com.cn/mumanjing

[[若小曼]]

飞的好高哇
_________________
不存在的城堡

http://blog.sina.com.cn/mumanjing

[潘志远]

寂寞与诗人同在,很多时候,没有寂寞就没有诗歌.
_________________
坚持文化和个性写作,坚持质朴和诗意表达.

[[吟啸徐行]]

寂寞与诗人同在,很多时候,没有寂寞就没有诗歌.
_________________
坚持文化和个性写作,坚持质朴和诗意表达.

[严家威]

好莱坞镜头
_________________
我把魂儿放出 /让他在天地间漫游 /多年以后 /你习惯性以为 /我还在那转悠
http://第三条道路.netsh.com.cn
新浪博客

[[老W]]

好莱坞镜头
_________________
我把魂儿放出 /让他在天地间漫游 /多年以后 /你习惯性以为 /我还在那转悠
http://第三条道路.netsh.com.cn
新浪博客

[星子]

英文版的读者回贴。。。

AA----

i like this very much.

the right balance, atmospheric lines like this---

dying light clothing them like a fading gown

Neon lights glow, deceiving paradise
ahead

balanced by realistic details:

grey doves perch
on naked statues waiting for sunset,

Your hands tremble to light a cigar.
The wind blows your muddled hair.


and a mysterious end that did not leave this reader confused.


mojave



Anna, I think you have already received wonderful suggestions from Don and e, so I have none to add. In another context, the word "exquisite" - which e notes - seems to be a perfect descriptor for much of your work in general. It has such lovely lyricism, such delicate and memorable imagery. You know exactly how much to say before ending a poem and it is a pleasure to read you. Do you paint? You see through a visual artist's eyes, I think. This piece is a fine illustration of what I mean.

Brenda
_________________

[[ANNA]]

英文版的读者回贴。。。

AA----

i like this very much.

the right balance, atmospheric lines like this---

dying light clothing them like a fading gown

Neon lights glow, deceiving paradise
ahead

balanced by realistic details:

grey doves perch
on naked statues waiting for sunset,

Your hands tremble to light a cigar.
The wind blows your muddled hair.


and a mysterious end that did not leave this reader confused.


mojave



Anna, I think you have already received wonderful suggestions from Don and e, so I have none to add. In another context, the word "exquisite" - which e notes - seems to be a perfect descriptor for much of your work in general. It has such lovely lyricism, such delicate and memorable imagery. You know exactly how much to say before ending a poem and it is a pleasure to read you. Do you paint? You see through a visual artist's eyes, I think. This piece is a fine illustration of what I mean.

Brenda
_________________

[星子]

谢谢潘志远。。。

谢谢严大哥。
_________________

[[ANNA]]

谢谢潘志远。。。

谢谢严大哥。
_________________

[anna]

谢谢山城子。。。我喜欢的时候就翻译一下。。。
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

谢谢山城子。。。我喜欢的时候就翻译一下。。。
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

The title is too heavy; consider just "Isolation" as title.

Workshop suggestions illustrated for your consideration & perusal:

The city carries a crowded flow.
Steel bridges stretch among skyscrapers.
Grey doves perch
on naked statues in Times Square.

The receding sun
light leaves each
clothed in a faded gown.

Your hands tremble to light a cigar.
The wind blows your muddled hair.
Neon lights glow, deceiving
paradise ahead.

Night fall shuts distant windows.
My shadow flies between the lattice,
pretending to be an alien flying object.
A dark robe hangs
in the endless empty space.

I like your poem; these are suggestions that occurred, that I heard as I read. So, I'm sharing them with you.

"Nights in White Satin" comes to mind. And, also, your close brings to mind the closing lines of Shelley's
"Ozymandias," esp the very last line -

"Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away."


Best Regards,

Michael (MV)
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

The title is too heavy; consider just "Isolation" as title.

Workshop suggestions illustrated for your consideration & perusal:

The city carries a crowded flow.
Steel bridges stretch among skyscrapers.
Grey doves perch
on naked statues in Times Square.

The receding sun
light leaves each
clothed in a faded gown.

Your hands tremble to light a cigar.
The wind blows your muddled hair.
Neon lights glow, deceiving
paradise ahead.

Night fall shuts distant windows.
My shadow flies between the lattice,
pretending to be an alien flying object.
A dark robe hangs
in the endless empty space.

I like your poem; these are suggestions that occurred, that I heard as I read. So, I'm sharing them with you.

"Nights in White Satin" comes to mind. And, also, your close brings to mind the closing lines of Shelley's
"Ozymandias," esp the very last line -

"Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away."


Best Regards,

Michael (MV)
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

The city carries crowded flows of people.
Steel bridges sit among skyscrapers.

---old--
The city carries crowded flows of people
over steel bridges laid out among skyscrapers.

I prefer the opening as one sentence, not two.



Grey doves perch (your revision)
on naked statues in Times Square.
They wait for sunset
dying light clothes them like a faded gown.

In Time Square, grey doves perch (your original)
on naked statues waiting for sunset,
dying light clothing them like a fading gown.

I prefer the revised S.

However, the use of a place name---Times Square---I question. Are any birds associated with Times Square? Let alone “doves.” Worked there for a year, saw very few birds---now plenty of pigeons around Wall Street…



In St. Marks Square, grey doves perch on barefoot St. Francis
waiting for sunset,
dying light clothing them like a fading gown.

Your hands tremble to light a cigar.
The wind blows your muddled hair.
Neon lights glow, deceiving paradise
ahead.


Your hands tremble to light a cigar.
The wind blows your muddled hair.
Neon lights glow, deceiving paradise
ahead.

No change, I think except for my adding the word "barefoot" to see what you think.


Night falls to shut distant windows. (your revision)
My shadow moves between lattices,
pretending to be a flying bird.
A dark robe hangs
in the endless empty space.


Night falls to shut distant windows. (your original)
My shadow moves between lattices,
pretending to be a flying bird.
A dark robe hangs
in the exquisite empty space.


Just an individual taste, but I like the modifier, “exquisite” as opposed to your revised modifier, “endless,”



You have a “fading gown” and a “dark robe.” I would keep the dark robe---which is compared to a fleeting shadow---good. The other use: the dying light clothing them like a fading gown is also good, describing the light on the birds---but i am calling attention to the repetition.

1, dying light like alms to the poor.

2, dust filled light rubs their oiled feathers.

3, their beaks open in the pallid breeze.


In St. Marks Square, grey doves perch on barefoot St. Francis
waiting for sunset,
dying light clothing them like a fading gown

============================================================================

revised like this:


The city carries crowded flows of people
over steel bridges laid out among skyscrapers.

In St. Marks Square, grey doves perch
on barefoot St. Francis waiting for sunset,
(their beaks open in the pallid breeze.)
not this: dying light clothing them like a fading gown.

Your hands tremble to light a cigar.
The wind blows your muddled hair.
Neon lights glow, deceiving paradise
ahead.

Night falls to shut distant windows.
My shadow moves between lattices,
pretending to be a flying bird.
A dark robe hangs
in the exquisite empty space.




i very much like this strong image:


My shadow moves between lattices,
pretending to be a flying bird.
A dark robe hangs
in the exquisite empty space.


In "The Dacca Gauzes," Agha Shahid Ali recalled that fine lost silk, the amputation of the weavers' hands by the Britsh, and his grandmother's memories. The poem begins,



Quote:
Those transparent Dacca gauzes
Known as woven air, running
Water, evening dew:
A dead art now, dead over
A hundred years. "No one
now knows," my grandmother says,
"what it was to wear
or touch that cloth."...


And the poem ends:


Quote:
In history we learned: the hands
Of weavers were amputated,
The looms of Bengal silenced,
And the cotton shipped raw
By the British to England.
History of little use to her,
My grandmother just says
How the muslins of today
Seems so coarse and that only
In autumn, should one wake up
At dawn to pray, can one
Feel that same texture again.
One morning, she says, the air
Was dew-starched: she pulled
It absently through her ring.


MV mentioned the worldwide classic, Nights in White Satin.

the lyrics are wonderful, a poem concludes the music:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMNqqeB56XY




Bernie
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

The city carries crowded flows of people.
Steel bridges sit among skyscrapers.

---old--
The city carries crowded flows of people
over steel bridges laid out among skyscrapers.

I prefer the opening as one sentence, not two.



Grey doves perch (your revision)
on naked statues in Times Square.
They wait for sunset
dying light clothes them like a faded gown.

In Time Square, grey doves perch (your original)
on naked statues waiting for sunset,
dying light clothing them like a fading gown.

I prefer the revised S.

However, the use of a place name---Times Square---I question. Are any birds associated with Times Square? Let alone “doves.” Worked there for a year, saw very few birds---now plenty of pigeons around Wall Street…



In St. Marks Square, grey doves perch on barefoot St. Francis
waiting for sunset,
dying light clothing them like a fading gown.

Your hands tremble to light a cigar.
The wind blows your muddled hair.
Neon lights glow, deceiving paradise
ahead.


Your hands tremble to light a cigar.
The wind blows your muddled hair.
Neon lights glow, deceiving paradise
ahead.

No change, I think except for my adding the word "barefoot" to see what you think.


Night falls to shut distant windows. (your revision)
My shadow moves between lattices,
pretending to be a flying bird.
A dark robe hangs
in the endless empty space.


Night falls to shut distant windows. (your original)
My shadow moves between lattices,
pretending to be a flying bird.
A dark robe hangs
in the exquisite empty space.


Just an individual taste, but I like the modifier, “exquisite” as opposed to your revised modifier, “endless,”



You have a “fading gown” and a “dark robe.” I would keep the dark robe---which is compared to a fleeting shadow---good. The other use: the dying light clothing them like a fading gown is also good, describing the light on the birds---but i am calling attention to the repetition.

1, dying light like alms to the poor.

2, dust filled light rubs their oiled feathers.

3, their beaks open in the pallid breeze.


In St. Marks Square, grey doves perch on barefoot St. Francis
waiting for sunset,
dying light clothing them like a fading gown

============================================================================

revised like this:


The city carries crowded flows of people
over steel bridges laid out among skyscrapers.

In St. Marks Square, grey doves perch
on barefoot St. Francis waiting for sunset,
(their beaks open in the pallid breeze.)
not this: dying light clothing them like a fading gown.

Your hands tremble to light a cigar.
The wind blows your muddled hair.
Neon lights glow, deceiving paradise
ahead.

Night falls to shut distant windows.
My shadow moves between lattices,
pretending to be a flying bird.
A dark robe hangs
in the exquisite empty space.




i very much like this strong image:


My shadow moves between lattices,
pretending to be a flying bird.
A dark robe hangs
in the exquisite empty space.


In "The Dacca Gauzes," Agha Shahid Ali recalled that fine lost silk, the amputation of the weavers' hands by the Britsh, and his grandmother's memories. The poem begins,



Quote:
Those transparent Dacca gauzes
Known as woven air, running
Water, evening dew:
A dead art now, dead over
A hundred years. "No one
now knows," my grandmother says,
"what it was to wear
or touch that cloth."...


And the poem ends:


Quote:
In history we learned: the hands
Of weavers were amputated,
The looms of Bengal silenced,
And the cotton shipped raw
By the British to England.
History of little use to her,
My grandmother just says
How the muslins of today
Seems so coarse and that only
In autumn, should one wake up
At dawn to pray, can one
Feel that same texture again.
One morning, she says, the air
Was dew-starched: she pulled
It absently through her ring.


MV mentioned the worldwide classic, Nights in White Satin.

the lyrics are wonderful, a poem concludes the music:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMNqqeB56XY




Bernie
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com