酷我-北美枫

[星子]

华轩，没看懂

看你回来了，贴一个好玩的，上次你鞭了我就走了，我想你一定没读到，，，现修改了一下。。
http://coviews.com/viewtopic.php?t=44095
_________________

[[ANNA]]

华轩，没看懂

看你回来了，贴一个好玩的，上次你鞭了我就走了，我想你一定没读到，，，现修改了一下。。
http://coviews.com/viewtopic.php?t=44095
_________________

[华轩]

意绪是集人身的一种感念 一种自然兴起的条件反射

机械性的有如里尔克的
《沉重的时刻》
此刻有谁在世上的某处哭，
无缘无故地在世上哭，
哭我。

此刻有谁在夜里的某处笑，
无缘无故地在夜里笑，
笑我。

此刻有谁在世上的某处走，
无缘无故地在世上走，
走向我。

此刻有谁在世上的某处死
无缘无故地在世上死，
望着我。


哭我 笑我 走向我 望着我 诗不带有作者的附着理解 而只是意识感觉被动生成兴叹
像敲击曲跳穴 手脚关节处会自然开弹 没有防御与攻击的意图

另一种感念是入味 由主观经验或与思想得出 也叫转义是一切诗的艺术必然 如尼采
《人啊，你要注意听！ 》

人啊，你要注意听！
深深的午夜在说甚？

“我睡过，我睡过——，
我从深深的梦中觉醒：世界很深
比白昼想象的更深。
世界的痛苦很深——
快乐——比心中的忧伤更深：
痛苦说：消逝吧！
可是一切快乐要求永恒——
要求深深的、深深的永恒！”

优秀的诗人总是很不小心地便站往生活，人性的高处 ，
很无可奈何地把脉尘世生活，人性底里的心律

[[FFFFFF]]

意绪是集人身的一种感念 一种自然兴起的条件反射

机械性的有如里尔克的
《沉重的时刻》
此刻有谁在世上的某处哭，
无缘无故地在世上哭，
哭我。

此刻有谁在夜里的某处笑，
无缘无故地在夜里笑，
笑我。

此刻有谁在世上的某处走，
无缘无故地在世上走，
走向我。

此刻有谁在世上的某处死
无缘无故地在世上死，
望着我。


哭我 笑我 走向我 望着我 诗不带有作者的附着理解 而只是意识感觉被动生成兴叹
像敲击曲跳穴 手脚关节处会自然开弹 没有防御与攻击的意图

另一种感念是入味 由主观经验或与思想得出 也叫转义是一切诗的艺术必然 如尼采
《人啊，你要注意听！ 》

人啊，你要注意听！
深深的午夜在说甚？

“我睡过，我睡过——，
我从深深的梦中觉醒：世界很深
比白昼想象的更深。
世界的痛苦很深——
快乐——比心中的忧伤更深：
痛苦说：消逝吧！
可是一切快乐要求永恒——
要求深深的、深深的永恒！”

优秀的诗人总是很不小心地便站往生活，人性的高处 ，
很无可奈何地把脉尘世生活，人性底里的心律

[anna]

明白了。。。。多讲解，尤其对我，不明说是不行的
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

明白了。。。。多讲解，尤其对我，不明说是不行的
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

Revised....


On the Rainy Night

Roses in the frame quietly bloom,
like an earlier agreement between
the facing mirror and the man
leaning by the window.
His shadow falls on the glass,
the distance hardly predictable.
Silence veils the rainy night,
leaving the tap even more lonesome.

Your lens zooms in on an empty wall.
You read the unknown watermark.
Bygones leave traces of
tears and rainbows
on the pupils,
like an open umbrella
beside a broken bridge.

You fold the umbrella, knowing where rains go.
Your night floats on the rising lily pond.


-----
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Revised....


On the Rainy Night

Roses in the frame quietly bloom,
like an earlier agreement between
the facing mirror and the man
leaning by the window.
His shadow falls on the glass,
the distance hardly predictable.
Silence veils the rainy night,
leaving the tap even more lonesome.

Your lens zooms in on an empty wall.
You read the unknown watermark.
Bygones leave traces of
tears and rainbows
on the pupils,
like an open umbrella
beside a broken bridge.

You fold the umbrella, knowing where rains go.
Your night floats on the rising lily pond.


-----
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

(Comments from Bernie)

AA---

i think the revision forms a much clearer narrative without reducing the haunting lyricism of the poem's central images.

very good.

for me, the last two lines should be cut.

let's see what others think.


this inspired line is now free to shine:


Silence veils the rainy night,


excellent revision.


bernie
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

(Comments from Bernie)

AA---

i think the revision forms a much clearer narrative without reducing the haunting lyricism of the poem's central images.

very good.

for me, the last two lines should be cut.

let's see what others think.


this inspired line is now free to shine:


Silence veils the rainy night,


excellent revision.


bernie
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

Comments from Emily. (I post these comments here, mainly for me to compare and to learn from others.)

Hi Anna,

I like this poem very much. It has some striking imagery, like the open umbrella by the broken bridge. I think you could cut the "tears and rainbows", but otherwise this is a fine poem.

Best,
Emily

--------

And my reply...

Hi Emily,

Yes. I see your point. tears and rainbows (cliche)

Sometimes less is more.

Thanks for sharing your suggestions.

Anna
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Comments from Emily. (I post these comments here, mainly for me to compare and to learn from others.)

Hi Anna,

I like this poem very much. It has some striking imagery, like the open umbrella by the broken bridge. I think you could cut the "tears and rainbows", but otherwise this is a fine poem.

Best,
Emily

--------

And my reply...

Hi Emily,

Yes. I see your point. tears and rainbows (cliche)

Sometimes less is more.

Thanks for sharing your suggestions.

Anna
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[荧石]

除了对面的镜子，还有窗前的
一个人懂。
_________________
一只大手蒙住了我的眼睛, 黑夜便成了我的光明.

poemking.blog.sohu.com

[[荧石]]

除了对面的镜子，还有窗前的
一个人懂。
_________________
一只大手蒙住了我的眼睛, 黑夜便成了我的光明.

poemking.blog.sohu.com

[anna]

Thanks 荧石发言.

revised again

[[星子安娜]]

Thanks 荧石发言.

revised again