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fanfan[FAFAFA]
fanfan作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2007-12-27
帖子: 353
来自: Canada
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 发表于: 星期二 六月 24, 2008 4:11 pm 发表主题: Year out and Year in: Snake and Coin (revised) |
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_________________
Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon.
最后进行编辑的是 fanfan on 星期五 十二月 04, 2009 11:30 am, 总计第 10 次编辑 |
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Champagne[Champagne]
Champagne作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2007-09-15
帖子: 394
来自: Nowhere & Everywhere
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| 发表于: 星期二 六月 24, 2008 5:33 pm 发表主题: Re: Year in and Year out, My Response to Champagne's Just a |
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| fanfan 写到: |
Year out, A Response to Champagne's Just a life: Damn Loneliness
New Year’s Eve –
A snake creeping in a field.
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Yes, the year about to end is like a snake creeping in a field.
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy. |
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dundas[dundas]
dundas作品集
五品知州
（再努力一把就是四品大员了！）
注册时间: 2008-02-23
帖子: 214
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| 发表于: 星期二 六月 24, 2008 6:47 pm 发表主题: Re: Year out and Year in, A Response to Champagne's Just a l |
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| fanfan 写到: |
Year out and Year in, A Response to Champagne's Just a life: Damn Loneliness
New Year’s Eve –
A snake creeping in a field.
New Year’s Day –
A coin tossed into a wishing well. |
A thoughtful response not only to Champagne's poem but also to the passing of time: year in and year out.
_________________
My throat knew thirst before the structure
Of skin and vein around the well |
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christine[christine]
christine作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2008-02-25
帖子: 304
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| 发表于: 星期二 六月 24, 2008 7:38 pm 发表主题: Re: Year out and Year in, A Response to Champagne's Just a l |
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| fanfan 写到: |
New Year’s Day –
A coin tossed into a wishing well. |
An annual ritual for seeking good luck. A Wishful thinking which cannot help one to confront the relentlessly pointing finger of time and its handmaidens: numbers and counting ( a phrase stolen from Champagne).
Glad to see the poetic exchange between my fellow poets, the exchange which is the antithetical statement against the statement made by Dundas through his well-written, thoughtful poem. |
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fanfan[FAFAFA]
fanfan作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2007-12-27
帖子: 353
来自: Canada
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| 发表于: 星期三 六月 25, 2008 8:31 pm 发表主题: Re: Year out and Year in, A Response to Champagne's Just a l |
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| dundas 写到: |
A thoughtful response not only to Champagne's poem but also to the passing of time: year in and year out. |
Yes.
Share with you Lu Yu's poem which is related to our discussion here:
Poem Text of I Get Up at Dawn by Lu Yu (1125-1209); translated by Kenneth Rexroth
When your teeth decay you cannot
Grow new ones. When your hair falls
Out you cannot plant it again.
I get up at dawn and look
At myself in the mirror.
My face is wrinkled, my hair
Is grey. I am filled with pity
For the years that are gone like
Spilt water. It can't be helped.
I take a cup of wine and
Turn to the bookcase once more.
Back through the centuries I
Visit Shun and Yu the Great
And Kue Lung, that famous rowdy.
Across three thousand years I
Can still see them plainly.
What does it matter? My flesh,
Like theirs, wears away with time.
| christine 写到: |
Glad to see the poetic exchange between my fellow poets, the exchange which is the antithetical statement against the statement made by Dundas through his well-written, thoughtful poem. |
Thank both of you for the comments.
I hope this exchange will stir and entail more exchanges among my fellow "poets."
_________________
Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
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dundas[dundas]
dundas作品集
五品知州
（再努力一把就是四品大员了！）
注册时间: 2008-02-23
帖子: 214
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| 发表于: 星期四 六月 26, 2008 2:58 pm 发表主题: Re: Year out and Year in, A Response to Champagne's Just a l |
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| christine 写到: |
An annual ritual for seeking good luck. A Wishful thinking which cannot help one to confront the relentlessly pointing finger of time and its handmaidens: numbers and counting ( a phrase stolen from Champagne).
Glad to see the poetic exchange between my fellow poets, the exchange which is the antithetical statement against the statement made by Dundas through his well-written, thoughtful poem. |
Nothing changes on New Year's Day.
_________________
My throat knew thirst before the structure
Of skin and vein around the well |
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fanfan[FAFAFA]
fanfan作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2007-12-27
帖子: 353
来自: Canada
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| 发表于: 星期五 六月 27, 2008 2:19 pm 发表主题: Re: Year out and Year in, A Response to Champagne's Just a l |
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| dundas 写到: |
Nothing changes on New Year's Day. |
Yes, well said.
Unless we
Come out of the circle of time
And into the circle of love.
--Rumi
Otherwise, nothing will change in the following year even you toss thousands of coins into a wishing well.
_________________
Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
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fanfan[FFFFFF]
fanfan作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2007-12-27
帖子: 353
来自: Canada
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| 发表于: 星期四 一月 01, 2009 11:51 am 发表主题: |
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deleted
_________________
Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon.
最后进行编辑的是 fanfan on 星期五 十二月 04, 2009 11:31 am, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
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fanfan[FAFAFA]
fanfan作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2007-12-27
帖子: 353
来自: Canada
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| 发表于: 星期三 一月 14, 2009 4:28 pm 发表主题: |
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I incorporated two version of my poem into a new one, and renamed it to Year out and Year in: Snake and Coin.
_________________
Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
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fanfan[FFFFFF]
fanfan作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2007-12-27
帖子: 353
来自: Canada
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| 发表于: 星期五 一月 16, 2009 9:43 am 发表主题: |
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I've revised my poem again to make it flow smoother.
_________________
Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
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fanfan[FAFAFA]
fanfan作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2007-12-27
帖子: 353
来自: Canada
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| 发表于: 星期五 一月 16, 2009 9:48 am 发表主题: Re: Year out and Year in: Snake and Coin |
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Below are two New Year quotes that resonate with the theme and mode of my poem:
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. -- Bill Vaughan
Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right -- Oprah Winfrey
_________________
Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
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christine[christine]
christine作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2008-02-25
帖子: 304
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| 发表于: 星期三 一月 21, 2009 7:48 pm 发表主题: Re: Year out and Year in: Snake and Coin (revised) |
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| fanfan 写到: |
II (Written on New Year's Day, 2009)
Old year ends --
neon lights, midnight countdowns,
and yet the long shadows.
New year starts --
fireworks, good wishes,
and yet the same person. |
I like the revision.
I felt the emotional weight of "yet" in your poem. |
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fanfan[FAFAFA]
fanfan作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2007-12-27
帖子: 353
来自: Canada
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| 发表于: 星期四 二月 05, 2009 6:59 am 发表主题: Re: Year out and Year in: Snake and Coin (revised) |
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| christine 写到: |
I felt the emotional weight of "yet" in your poem. |
Yes, yet is the key word in the poem, one which can stir the reader’s imagination and emotions.
Thanks for perceptive comment and continued readership.
_________________
Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
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