酷我-北美枫

[星子]

Those photos enlarged,
framed with golden wood,
hang on the pale walls, high.

Faces brimming with bold smiles,
eyes brown and bright,
pose a young carefree girl
dancing through sparkling rains.

It is hard to mirror a tiresome woman
sitting by a window, eyebrows frown,
hands wrinkled like autumn leaves.

Or a frustrated housewife,
running up and down,
voice raised over daily chaos
as thunders through dark clouds.

Or many other cold shadows,
come along with snowing,
blizzard, finally drained on
a vast desert,
dry.

Yet from time to time,
she stops to ponder on
her photographic moments,
regardless of night
shadow on the wall -
Smiling.
_________________

[[ANNA]]

Those photos enlarged,
framed with golden wood,
hang on the pale walls, high.

Faces brimming with bold smiles,
eyes brown and bright,
pose a young carefree girl
dancing through sparkling rains.

It is hard to mirror a tiresome woman
sitting by a window, eyebrows frown,
hands wrinkled like autumn leaves.

Or a frustrated housewife,
running up and down,
voice raised over daily chaos
as thunders through dark clouds.

Or many other cold shadows,
come along with snowing,
blizzard, finally drained on
a vast desert,
dry.

Yet from time to time,
she stops to ponder on
her photographic moments,
regardless of night
shadow on the wall -
Smiling.
_________________

[anna]

revision after Mojave's critiques and beg for alive details. Thank you M!

On her fifteenth birthday,
she tiptoed along a meandering stream,
hands cupping cold fireflies.
Her glass bottle glowed with blue light,
and twinkling wishes she refused to unveil.

A neighborhood boy had a crush on her,
his first kiss ended by a sharp slap.
Blushing, she slammed the door shut.

It is hard to mirror years later, a tiresome woman
sitting by the window, eyebrows frown,
hands covered her coffer, sleepless.

Or a frustrated housewife,
running up and down,
voice thundering over daily chaos.

Her white lilies wind-dried
and her whispers too.
Some collected and framed by golden wood,
hung on the pale walls, high;
Others like shadows,
came along with snow, blizzard,
vanished in the silent desert.

Yet from time to time,
she stopped to ponder,
caressing her empty glass bottle,
regardless of
shadow on the wall -
Smiling.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

revision after Mojave's critiques and beg for alive details. Thank you M!

On her fifteenth birthday,
she tiptoed along a meandering stream,
hands cupping cold fireflies.
Her glass bottle glowed with blue light,
and twinkling wishes she refused to unveil.

A neighborhood boy had a crush on her,
his first kiss ended by a sharp slap.
Blushing, she slammed the door shut.

It is hard to mirror years later, a tiresome woman
sitting by the window, eyebrows frown,
hands covered her coffer, sleepless.

Or a frustrated housewife,
running up and down,
voice thundering over daily chaos.

Her white lilies wind-dried
and her whispers too.
Some collected and framed by golden wood,
hung on the pale walls, high;
Others like shadows,
came along with snow, blizzard,
vanished in the silent desert.

Yet from time to time,
she stopped to ponder,
caressing her empty glass bottle,
regardless of
shadow on the wall -
Smiling.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

Here attached M's comments for fun.

A---

just look at the effect of anything i say, then see if the spirit translates into your own idiom here in your poem ---




Those photos enlarged,
framed with golden wood,
hang on the pale walls, high.


Enlarged --- is puffed up more lively?
Is golden wood a good use of an adjective? --- you get 8 in a poem of this length---just teasing. (One adjective for every 3 lines --- a rule i just made up)

… brimming with bold smiles,
eyes brown and bright,
pose a young carefree girl
dancing through sparkling rains.

That’s about 11 and the pom ain’t half over.


Bold ain’t so bold.

Post-modern smiles (teasing again)

red smiles,

frozen smiles,

frigid smiles,

sun-heated smiles…

think outside the proverbial box…


and brimming


---word the writer's of children's books and greeting cards --- grateful dogs, women in black lace bras----devil made me say that!



Bright and brown eyes---yipes…..we are writers, poets. Don’t hold back --- give me something to sleep on tonight, to haunt my week ---

Eyes steeped in Spanish, capable of Chinese
Over a small dinner on the lower east side.

I don’t know what that means, but you see what I want you to do --- beg you to do.

Eyes open wide as though staring in the dark.
Or made afraid.

A young girl---are there old girls?

A girl naked with her mother in the bath,
Learning about men.
Her yellow raincoat
on a peg over her first high heels.


Now you want to contrast that girl to this married woman:



It is hard to mirror a tiresome woman
sitting by a window, eyebrows frown,
hands wrinkled like autumn leaves.


No way, sorry, cowgirl --- no wrinkled autumn leaves need apply ---

Hands wrinkled like butter beans in a pot…

( Reid’s line I think)

sitting by a window, eyebrows frown,
Perched in her half-slip at the window,
Plucked eyebrows arched in permanent
surprise



Or a frustrated housewife,
running up and down,
voice raised over daily chaos
as thunders through dark clouds.

Or many other cold shadows,
come along with snowing,
blizzard, finally drained
on a vast desert,
dry.

Yet from time to time,
she stops to ponder on
her photographic moments,
regardless of night
shadow on the wall -
Smiling.

Sometimes, finding in the bathroom
mirror her own naked body
clean to the touch,
She is with her mother once again,
whispering about men.


give me a feeling for innocence, a feeling for a married woman in a wistful moment of reflection. yes/no?

bold subject because it is difficult to pull off --- this genre often requires either a discursive, personal tone or a plath with her vitriol and exxageration --- if you stay in neutral gear --- iconic chinese --- you will need a level of imagery that may be much shorter and demanding than either of us working together might compose.


mojave
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Here attached M's comments for fun.

A---

just look at the effect of anything i say, then see if the spirit translates into your own idiom here in your poem ---




Those photos enlarged,
framed with golden wood,
hang on the pale walls, high.


Enlarged --- is puffed up more lively?
Is golden wood a good use of an adjective? --- you get 8 in a poem of this length---just teasing. (One adjective for every 3 lines --- a rule i just made up)

… brimming with bold smiles,
eyes brown and bright,
pose a young carefree girl
dancing through sparkling rains.

That’s about 11 and the pom ain’t half over.


Bold ain’t so bold.

Post-modern smiles (teasing again)

red smiles,

frozen smiles,

frigid smiles,

sun-heated smiles…

think outside the proverbial box…


and brimming


---word the writer's of children's books and greeting cards --- grateful dogs, women in black lace bras----devil made me say that!



Bright and brown eyes---yipes…..we are writers, poets. Don’t hold back --- give me something to sleep on tonight, to haunt my week ---

Eyes steeped in Spanish, capable of Chinese
Over a small dinner on the lower east side.

I don’t know what that means, but you see what I want you to do --- beg you to do.

Eyes open wide as though staring in the dark.
Or made afraid.

A young girl---are there old girls?

A girl naked with her mother in the bath,
Learning about men.
Her yellow raincoat
on a peg over her first high heels.


Now you want to contrast that girl to this married woman:



It is hard to mirror a tiresome woman
sitting by a window, eyebrows frown,
hands wrinkled like autumn leaves.


No way, sorry, cowgirl --- no wrinkled autumn leaves need apply ---

Hands wrinkled like butter beans in a pot…

( Reid’s line I think)

sitting by a window, eyebrows frown,
Perched in her half-slip at the window,
Plucked eyebrows arched in permanent
surprise



Or a frustrated housewife,
running up and down,
voice raised over daily chaos
as thunders through dark clouds.

Or many other cold shadows,
come along with snowing,
blizzard, finally drained
on a vast desert,
dry.

Yet from time to time,
she stops to ponder on
her photographic moments,
regardless of night
shadow on the wall -
Smiling.

Sometimes, finding in the bathroom
mirror her own naked body
clean to the touch,
She is with her mother once again,
whispering about men.


give me a feeling for innocence, a feeling for a married woman in a wistful moment of reflection. yes/no?

bold subject because it is difficult to pull off --- this genre often requires either a discursive, personal tone or a plath with her vitriol and exxageration --- if you stay in neutral gear --- iconic chinese --- you will need a level of imagery that may be much shorter and demanding than either of us working together might compose.


mojave
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com