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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
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 发表于: 星期二 十月 14, 2008 9:46 pm 发表主题: ksana |
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ksana
Maple
shakes off dry leaves.
A squirrel scurries down,
grabbing the last color of
autumn. |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada
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| 发表于: 星期二 十月 14, 2008 10:42 pm 发表主题: Re: ksana |
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| Lake 写到: |
ksana
Maple
shakes off dry leaves.
A squirrel scurries down,
grabbing the last color of
autumn. |
An unbalanced use of articles. Hmm. Interesting. Something to ponder over.
In deja vu, the brevity of a moment is revealed.
I enjoyed reading your poem.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期三 十月 15, 2008 9:35 am, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
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Champagne[Champagne]
Champagne作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2007-09-15
帖子: 394
来自: Nowhere & Everywhere
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| 发表于: 星期三 十月 15, 2008 9:04 am 发表主题: Re: ksana |
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| Lake 写到: | ksana
Maple
shakes off dry leaves.
A squirrel scurries down,
grabbing the last color of
autumn. |
A good choice of verbs in revealing what Ksana means -- an extremely brief period of time.
I enjoyed reading your poem.
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy. |
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hahaview[hahaview]
hahaview作品集
六品通判
（官儿做大了，保持廉洁哦）
注册时间: 2008-02-07
帖子: 103
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| 发表于: 星期三 十月 15, 2008 5:17 pm 发表主题: Re: ksana |
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| Lake 写到: | ksana
Maple
shakes off dry leaves.
A squirrel scurries down,
grabbing the last color of
autumn. |
The poem is well framed by the opening and closing lines, which set and conclude the mood.
_________________
I came, I saw, and I conquered |
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
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| 发表于: 星期三 十月 15, 2008 8:23 pm 发表主题: |
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Glad to see the different takes from each of you.
Eric, I thought about the use of articles. I used "The" before "Maple" first, then removed it; put it back, removed it again. Then a poem I read from a friend influenced me in making the decision of not using it. Still not sure. I'll post my friend's poem later.
Champagne, glad you spotted the two verbs that carried the meaning of transience.
hahaview, you noticed the structure. This might be another reason an article was not used before "Maple".
Thank you all for your read and thought. |
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星子[ANNA]
星子作品集
酷我！I made it！
注册时间: 2004-06-05
帖子: 13192
来自: Toronto
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| 发表于: 星期四 十月 16, 2008 7:54 am 发表主题: |
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Hi Lake,
I think for practice, you could try formal verses.
But lately I seldom read formal verses or try them, since I think if try too often, it will form your habit to think or write in a certain way.
This is full of images.
Nice work.
_________________
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
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| 发表于: 星期四 十月 16, 2008 9:16 am 发表主题: |
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| 星子 写到: | Hi Lake,
I think for practice, you could try formal verses.
But lately I seldom read formal verses or try them, since I think if try too often, it will form your habit to think or write in a certain way.
This is full of images.
Nice work. |
Thanks 星子 for your read and advice. Much appreciated.
I would like to ask: Is this a certain kind of form to your eye? What is it? Do I have a certain style? What is it then?
I've been reading lately, both formal and free and I often feel I haven't read enough. As I've been told often a wide range of reading is a must in writing good poetry.
A form is just a form, a writer's idea/mind should not be framed. I wrote this as a free verse (if there's anything familiar to a certain form, then it is only a failed form), the beginning and ending just came out to echo each other and I'm pleased with it.
There are a lot of different styles out there and I haven't tried (and couldn't try ) them all. At present I don't think I have a fixed form or a style yet.
I used the imagery to express the ephemeral moment as the above posters commented. Also I would like to add that each poem I'm writing now is a practice or an experiment, with a free mind.
I'd love to read other writers' experience in writing. So jump on in.
Cheers |
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
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| 发表于: 星期四 十月 16, 2008 9:33 am 发表主题: |
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| Lake 写到: | | 星子 写到: | Hi Lake,
I think for practice, you could try formal verses.
But lately I seldom read formal verses or try them, since I think if try too often, it will form your habit to think or write in a certain way.
This is full of images.
Nice work. |
Thanks 星子 for your read and advice. Much appreciated.
I would like to ask: Is this a certain kind of form to your eye? What is it? Do I have a certain style? What is it then?
I've been reading lately, both formal and free and I often feel I haven't read enough. As I've been told often a wide range of reading is a must in writing good poetry.
A form is just a form, a writer's idea/mind should not be framed. I wrote this as a free verse (if there's anything familiar to a certain form, then it is only a failed form), the beginning and ending just came out to echo each other and I'm pleased with it.
There are a lot of different styles out there and I haven't tried (and couldn't try ) them all. At present I don't think I have a fixed form or a style yet.
I used the imagery to express the ephemeral moment as the above posters commented. Also I would like to add that each poem I'm writing now is a practice or an experiment, with a free and open mind.
I'd love to read other writers' experience in writing. So jump on in.
Cheers |
darn, why can't I delete my repeated post? I remember I was able to do it before. So annoying. Anyone can help? |
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christine[christine]
christine作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2008-02-25
帖子: 304
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| 发表于: 星期四 十月 16, 2008 9:43 am 发表主题: |
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| Lake 写到: |
As I've been told often a wide range of reading is a must in writing good poetry.
I used the imagery to express the ephemeral moment as the above posters commented. Also I would like to add that each poem I'm writing now is a practice or an experiment, with a free mind.
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Good. Reading, writing, re-writing, and reading ....
I enjoyed reading your poem.
By the way, I just wonder why you chose a Sanskrit word for your title, a word which has a dual and conflicting meaning. |
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
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| 发表于: 星期六 十月 18, 2008 11:34 pm 发表主题: |
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| christine 写到: |
By the way, I just wonder why you chose a Sanskrit word for your title, a word which has a dual and conflicting meaning. |
Thanks Christine for the question. It's very simple - just realized that the Chinese words 刹那 with the meaning 'extremely shot time", actually originated from Ksana, and also I meant to apply a touch of Zen to this poem. That's how and why the title is chosen. I'm not aware of its another conflict meaning. If you are kind enough, would you explain?
Thanks in advance. |
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christine[christine]
christine作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2008-02-25
帖子: 304
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| 发表于: 星期一 十月 20, 2008 8:42 am 发表主题: |
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| Lake 写到: |
I'm not aware of its another conflict meaning. If you are kind enough, would you explain?
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Lake,
In Sanskrit, Ksana only has one meaning; that's an extremely brief moment. However, in Buddhism, ksana could have a dual meaning: an extremely brief instant or "nine hundred circles of life". |
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
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| 发表于: 星期一 十月 27, 2008 1:43 pm 发表主题: |
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| christine 写到: |
In Sanskrit, Ksana only has one meaning; that's an extremely brief moment. However, in Buddhism, ksana could have a dual meaning: an extremely brief instant or "nine hundred circles of life". |
Thanks christine for the info.
Then I should think "nine hundred circles of life" consist of innumerable instants. |
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