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Champagne[Champagne] Champagne作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-09-15 帖子: 394 来自: Nowhere & Everywhere
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发表于: 星期日 九月 28, 2008 8:31 am 发表主题: Passersby (revised again) |
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Passersby co-authored by ericcoliu
pass by
only to be replaced
pass, never return
pass, never join
goal-focused
walk down the street
pass by
Note:
This poem is inspired by my reading of the English Translation of Poteaux d’angle by Henri Michaux, a response to the main theme in his later work: its apprehension of a human affinity with cosmos. _________________ I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.
最后进行编辑的是 Champagne on 星期四 十月 16, 2008 8:13 pm, 总计第 4 次编辑 |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期日 九月 28, 2008 7:36 pm 发表主题: |
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Yes.
People pass by one another hurriedly .
-- Passersby/Passing, never returning/ Passing, never joining/Walking down the main street of life/Passing by.
What follows is my poetic reply to Passersby, a poem which was accepted and published in the Spring 2008 Issue (online & print) of The Stellar Showcase Journal, a literary journal affiliated with the Canada Cuba Literary Alliance and The Canadian Federation of Poets:
No Difference
As I walk to Progress Avenue
People pass by one another hurriedly
Thus, the indifference
To a homeless.
Homeless John Doe
Can’t remember
The human faces moving past
Thus, the indifference
Of humanity.
Note:
For anyone who is interested in the homeless issue in Canada, one can log on to the CBC website and check out a well-made documentary, Devil Plays Hardball, posted at www.cbc.ca/passionateeyesunday/devilplayshardball/ . It is a radical interventionist documentary by Paperny Films that seeks to answer this question. Four well-established Vancouver residents have 10-months to mentor homeless individuals from various Vancouver neighbourhoods who have the desire -- but not necessarily the means -- to re-enter mainstream society. What ensues is a complicated journey that provides an up-close and intimate look at the people most of us choose to ignore -- Canada's homeless. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul
最后进行编辑的是 ericcoliu on 星期四 十一月 20, 2008 8:33 pm, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
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dundas[dundas] dundas作品集 五品知州 (再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
注册时间: 2008-02-23 帖子: 214
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发表于: 星期一 九月 29, 2008 12:29 pm 发表主题: Re: Passersby |
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Champagne 写到: | Passersby
Passersby
Inevitably pass by
Only to be replaced
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Great lines.
Good choice of adverb, "Inevitably," which plays with the lexcical definition of "passerby." _________________ My throat knew thirst before the structure
Of skin and vein around the well |
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Champagne[Champagne] Champagne作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-09-15 帖子: 394 来自: Nowhere & Everywhere
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发表于: 星期一 九月 29, 2008 10:25 pm 发表主题: Re: Passersby |
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dundas 写到: |
Good choice of adverb, "Inevitably," which plays with the lexical definition of "passerby." |
Yes.
Furthermore, one of my intentions is to provoke the reader ask why it is inevitable. _________________ I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy. |
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christine[christine] christine作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2008-02-25 帖子: 304
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发表于: 星期四 十月 02, 2008 9:39 am 发表主题: Re: Passersby |
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Champagne 写到: |
Furthermore, one of my intentions is to provoke the reader ask why it is inevitable. |
A good question. That's because passersby are no friends and "Single-minded/Goal-focused ".
Have you ever heard of this saying,"Time is money?" |
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Champagne[Champagne] Champagne作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-09-15 帖子: 394 来自: Nowhere & Everywhere
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发表于: 星期五 十月 03, 2008 7:36 am 发表主题: Re: Passersby |
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christine 写到: |
A good question. That's because passersby are no friends and "Single-minded/Goal-focused ".
Have you ever heard of this saying,"Time is money?" |
Yes, I fully get the meaning of your points.
Thus, the indifference
To a passerby.
Passerby John Doe
Can’t remember
The human faces moving past
Thus, the indifference
Of humanity. _________________ I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy. |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期五 十月 10, 2008 11:36 pm 发表主题: |
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A homeless woman leans
against the corner lamppost.
People pass by one another hurriedly. _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu] ericcoliu作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2007-05-29 帖子: 1393 来自: GTA, Canada
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发表于: 星期三 十月 15, 2008 8:52 am 发表主题: |
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My New take is:
Passersby
pass by
only to be replaced
pass, never return
pass, never join
goal-focused
walk down the street
pass through life
but once _________________ Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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christine[christine] christine作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2008-02-25 帖子: 304
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发表于: 星期四 十月 16, 2008 9:39 am 发表主题: Re: Passersby (revised) |
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Champagne 写到: |
Passersby co-authored by ericcoliu
pass by
only to be replaced
pass, never return
pass, never join
goal-focused
walk down the street
pass through life
but once
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The revised version ends with thought-provoking lines. |
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Lake[Lake] Lake作品集 二品总督 (刚入二品,小心做人)
注册时间: 2006-10-10 帖子: 1341 来自: Sky Blue Water
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发表于: 星期四 十月 16, 2008 9:49 am 发表主题: |
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I agree the revised is much better. But as I say this a lot, better to keep the original to see the improvement, to do the comparison.
The last line,
do you think you need it? Since "once" is there in these two lines:
引用: | pass, never return
pass, never join |
Personal opinion only. |
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Champagne[Champagne] Champagne作品集 四品府丞 (封疆大吏也!)
注册时间: 2007-09-15 帖子: 394 来自: Nowhere & Everywhere
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发表于: 星期四 十月 16, 2008 8:11 pm 发表主题: |
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[quote="Lake"]
I agree the revised is much better. But as I say this a lot, better to keep the original to see the improvement, to do the comparison.
Yes. I'll keep your suggestion in mind.
Lake 写到: |
The last line,
do you think you need it? Since "once" is there in these two lines:
引用: | pass, never return
pass, never join |
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Yes, you're right. I've revised my piece. _________________ I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy. |
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