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Champagne[Champagne]
Champagne作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2007-09-15
帖子: 394
来自: Nowhere & Everywhere
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 发表于: 星期五 九月 19, 2008 9:58 am 发表主题: |
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| 浴恩福 写到: |
| Champagne 写到: |
Yes, a good suggestion. I'll try to write a sevenling as a preface to my project.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment. |
How about my sevenling:
911
tears
no poetry
Seven years since
the dust has settled
the dead buried
This is our America(s) |
Yes. Thank you so much for your close reading and sevenling.
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy. |
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
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| 发表于: 星期五 九月 19, 2008 2:07 pm 发表主题: |
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| 引用: | 911
tears
no poetry
Seven years since
the dust has settled
the dead buried
This is our America(s) |
I would be tempted to change the above highlighted line to
the dead not forgotten
but it is just a personal opinion. |
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Champagne[Champagne]
Champagne作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2007-09-15
帖子: 394
来自: Nowhere & Everywhere
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| 发表于: 星期六 九月 20, 2008 8:34 pm 发表主题: |
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| Lake 写到: |
I would be tempted to change the above highlighted line to
the dead not forgotten
but it is just a personal opinion. |
Thank you for your suggestion. I'll mull it over.
I've added one more sevenling.
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy. |
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christine[christine]
christine作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2008-02-25
帖子: 304
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| 发表于: 星期四 九月 25, 2008 8:52 am 发表主题: |
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Why did you not include my sevenling in your sequence? A sign of dissatisfaction?
| Champagne 写到: |
I promise before God:
Reading the bible, attending Sunday services,
And saying prayer three times.
I despise Godless atheists
And hedonistic pagans.
In god we trust! God Bless America!
I am a God-fearing American. |
Is the speaker from a law-abiding citizen of the Evangelical America? |
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Champagne[Champagne]
Champagne作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2007-09-15
帖子: 394
来自: Nowhere & Everywhere
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| 发表于: 星期五 九月 26, 2008 7:13 am 发表主题: |
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| christine 写到: |
| Champagne 写到: |
I promise before God:
Reading the bible, attending Sunday services,
And saying prayer three times.
I despise Godless atheists
And hedonistic pagans.
In god we trust! God Bless America!
I am a God-fearing American. |
Is the speaker from a law-abiding citizen of the Evangelical America? |
Yes, a sharp eye for my piece.
I've included your sevenling in my sequence and revised my poems.
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy. |
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christine[christine]
christine作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2008-02-25
帖子: 304
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| 发表于: 星期日 九月 28, 2008 12:15 pm 发表主题: Re: Seven Years Since (Sevenling Sequence: 6 for now) |
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| Champagne 写到: |
I've included your sevenling in my sequence and revised my poems. |
Now, I'm satisfied with your answer.
| Champagne 写到: |
I
I love three things alone:
doing my work, cutting my grass,
and renting DVDs at Blockbuster.
I despise all the PC talking heads,
And the two Americas rhetoric.
Get to work! Get a life!
I'm a proud American!
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The revised version I is better. I like it. |
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