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Seven Years Since (Sevenling Sequence: 6 for now)
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Champagne[Champagne]
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四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2007-09-15
帖子: 394
来自: Nowhere & Everywhere

帖子发表于: 星期四 九月 11, 2008 8:36 am    发表主题: Seven Years Since (Sevenling Sequence: 6 for now) 引用并回复

Sevenling Sequence -- The Post-911 America: Seven Years Since


September 11, 2008 marked the seventh anniversary of 9/11. There were numerous memorial events in the New York City area, across the U.S.A., and even around the world to honour and remember the victims of September 11th and to come together as a supporting community of mankind.

In my view, one good thing coming out of 9/11 is that, generally speaking, Americans have been more willing to deal with their past(s) in all kinds of ways. Their responses to this national tragedy stimulated me to write a group of poems entitled The Post-911 America: Seven Years Since, a poem sequence which is based on my understanding of the American socio-religio-political contexts situated in the globalized war on terror, and which is written in the form of the sevenling. This sevenling sequence is written from differing points of view and perspectives from the Americans represented in the US media.


Preface by Christine


Give me your tired
your poor
your huddled masses

yearning to breathe freely
to live happily
to worship fearlessly

This is The Much Too Promised Land


Prologue by浴恩福


911
tears
no poetry

Seven years since
the dust has settled
the dead buried

This is our America(s)


I


I love three things alone:
doing my work, cutting my grass,
and renting DVDs at Blockbuster.

I despise all the PC talking heads,
And the two Americas rhetoric.
Get to work! Get a life!

I'm a proud American!


II


I only like three things:
drinking Bud, talking with Fox's Bill O’Reilly,
and dirt-track racing.

I detest Sam Walton but shop at his stores,
hate illegal aliens and yet forced to work with them.
Go back to where you came from! This is my country!

I’m a real American!


III:


I promise before God:
to reading the bible, to attend Sunday services,
and to pray at least three times a day.

I despise Godless atheists
And hedonistic pagans.
In god we trust! God Bless America!

I am a God-fearing American.


IV by ericcoliu

Unattended lawn.
A sullen man standing behind a makeshift counter.
Kids chasing after each other.

Brand new flat TVs, Nintendo video games, and Dell computers ...
Piles of rain-soaked This Old House magazines.
An exhausted woman amidst the haggling crowd.

In certain rituals we desire only what we cannot have.


Note:

This Old House, the companion magazine to a PBS home improvement and remodelling television show of the same title, “focuses on appreciation of craftsmanship and fine design, with the idea that the best value is derived from informed planning and the usage of premium materials and workmanship. Detailed information and photography provide an understanding of the equipment, materials and techniques needed to renovate a home, as well as how to communicate more effectively with architects, contractors, craftsmen, and designers.”
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.


最后进行编辑的是 Champagne on 星期五 九月 26, 2008 7:10 am, 总计第 21 次编辑
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温暖的水獸[温暖的水獸]
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五品知州
(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
五品知州<BR>(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)


注册时间: 2008-04-23
帖子: 153
来自: 水族箱

帖子发表于: 星期四 九月 11, 2008 3:42 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

A timely, politically-charged poem.

Champagne 写到:


I only love three things:
reading blogs, watching CNN news,
and shopping at Wal-Mart.



But I wonder from which perspective the poem was written.
_________________
舌頭那匹温暖的水獸 馴養地在小小的水族箱中 蠕動
那獸說:是的 我願意
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Lake[Lake]
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二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期四 九月 11, 2008 8:28 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Sounds like a cool poetry form worth of trying.

Is this after Anna Akhmatova's Sevenling?

I read the contrasting three elements in the two stanzas; and I always find the last line is hard to work out, just like the third line in Haiku.

Not so sure of "two Americas rhetoric. ".
Americas?
If "Get to work! Have a life! " are the two Americas rhetoric(s), would a colon or a dash work better than a period after rhetoric?

Thanks for introducing a new form. I would like to have a try.
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Champagne[Champagne]
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四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2007-09-15
帖子: 394
来自: Nowhere & Everywhere

帖子发表于: 星期四 九月 11, 2008 8:37 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

温暖的水獸 写到:


A timely, politically-charged poem.

Champagne 写到:


I only love three things:
reading blogs, watching CNN news,
and shopping at Wal-Mart.



But I wonder from which perspective the poem was written.


I get your point. I've revised my piece, which now is written from the viewpoint of a middle- class American.
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.
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Champagne[Champagne]
Champagne作品集

四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2007-09-15
帖子: 394
来自: Nowhere & Everywhere

帖子发表于: 星期四 九月 11, 2008 8:46 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Lake 写到:
Sounds like a cool poetry form worth of trying.

Is this after Anna Akhmatova's Sevenling?

I read the contrasting three elements in the two stanzas; and I always find the last line is hard to work out, just like the third line in Haiku.


Thanks for introducing a new form. I would like to have a try.


Yes.

Here's a small explanation of the sevenling by the form's creator, Roddy Lumsden:


The rules of the sevenling are thus:

The first three lines should contain an element of three - three connected or contrasting statements, or a list of three details, names or possibilities. This can take up all of the three lines or be contained anywhere within them. Then, lines four to six should similarly contain an element of three, connected directly or indirectly or not at all. The seventh line should act as a narrative summary or punchline or as an unusual juxtaposition. There are no set metrical rules, but being such as short form, some rhythm, metre or rhyme is desirable. To give the form a recognisable shape, it should be set out in two stanzas of three lines, with a solitary seventh, last line. Titles are not required. A sevenling should be titled Sevenling followed by the first few words in parentheses The tone of the sevenling should be mysterious, offbeat or disturbing, giving a feeling that only part of the story is being told. The poem should have a certain ambience which invites guesswork from the reader.

The form is based on a much-translated poem by Anna Akhmatova:

He loved three things alone:
White peacocks, evensong,
Old maps of America.

He hated children crying,
And raspberry jam with his tea,
And womanish hysteria.

... And he married me.
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.
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Champagne[Champagne]
Champagne作品集

四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2007-09-15
帖子: 394
来自: Nowhere & Everywhere

帖子发表于: 星期四 九月 11, 2008 8:51 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Lake 写到:


I read the contrasting three elements in the two stanzas; and I always find the last line is hard to work out, just like the third line in Haiku.

Not so sure of "two Americas rhetoric. ".
Americas?
If "Get to work! Have a life! " are the two Americas rhetoric(s), would a colon or a dash work better than a period after rhetoric?



I've revised my piece.

The two Americas rhetoric is from then-glorified, now-disgraced John Edward’s speech:

Today, under George W. Bush, there are two Americas, not one: One America that does the work, another that reaps the reward. One America that pays the taxes, another America that gets the tax breaks. One America - middle-class America - whose needs Washington has long forgotten, another America - narrow-interest America - whose every wish is Washington's command. One America that is struggling to get by, another America that can buy anything it wants, even a Congress and a president.
• Excerpt from stump speech, 2004 presidential primary campaign

Now, this rhetoric and its variations have been widely used by American politicians of many different political stripes.
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.


最后进行编辑的是 Champagne on 星期六 九月 13, 2008 9:14 am, 总计第 1 次编辑
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Lake[Lake]
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二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
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来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期四 九月 11, 2008 8:54 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Thanks for the explanation.
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Champagne[Champagne]
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四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2007-09-15
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来自: Nowhere & Everywhere

帖子发表于: 星期六 九月 13, 2008 9:35 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

I've added another sevenling written from the perspective of a working-class American.
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I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.
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dundas[dundas]
dundas作品集

五品知州
(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
五品知州<BR>(再努力一把就是四品大员了!)


注册时间: 2008-02-23
帖子: 214

帖子发表于: 星期六 九月 13, 2008 1:50 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

It seems to me that the sixth lines of POV I, II are narrative summaries while the last lines are like punchlines because both speakers are unaware of their broader socio-political contexts.
_________________
My throat knew thirst before the structure
Of skin and vein around the well
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Champagne[Champagne]
Champagne作品集

四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2007-09-15
帖子: 394
来自: Nowhere & Everywhere

帖子发表于: 星期六 九月 13, 2008 9:31 pm    发表主题: Re: The Seventh Year (Sevenling Sequence) 引用并回复

dundas 写到:


It seems to me that the sixth lines of POV I, II are narrative summaries while the last lines are like punchlines because both speakers are unaware of their broader socio-political contexts.


A sharp eye for my sevenling.
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I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
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来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期六 九月 13, 2008 9:41 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Champagne,

I can't really put my fingers on the technicality of this poem. As I feel I'm invited to throw my two cents here, I'll give it a try.

It's definitely written from two different point of views, but probably that of white Americans. It may not be right but that's how I feel about it.

引用:
I detest Sam Walton but shop at his stories


stories, a typo? stores?

I noticed you used "detest" to replace "hate" in the second verse, I guess you can also find a word to replace "love", or use "adore", just a suggestion.

Curious to know: is that true the White-collar like CNN, while the Blue like Fox?

"Seventh Year", does that imply that the writer has been in the US for seven years?

Thanks for introducing a new form.
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Champagne[Champagne]
Champagne作品集

四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2007-09-15
帖子: 394
来自: Nowhere & Everywhere

帖子发表于: 星期一 九月 15, 2008 7:52 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

Lake 写到:


It's definitely written from two different point of views, but probably that of white Americans. It may not be right but that's how I feel about it.


A sharp eye for my piece. I'm thinking about writing a sevenling sequence titled White America: Seven years on.

Lake 写到:


champagne 写到:
I detest Sam Walton but shop at his stories


stories, a typo? stores?

I noticed you used "detest" to replace "hate" in the second verse, I guess you can also find a word to replace "love", or use "adore", just a suggestion.


Yes, a typo. And thanks for your helpful suggestion. I've revised my piece.

Lake 写到:


Curious to know: is that true the White-collar like CNN, while the Blue like Fox?



Generally speaking, the right wingers like the Fox while the "centrists" watch CNN and the old Big-three news channels. The lefties detest all of them, but watch CNN and the old Big-Three to get the “mainstream” news.

Lake 写到:


"Seventh Year", does that imply that the writer has been in the US for seven years?



No, it means this year, 2008, is the seventh year after the 9/11 attacks.
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.
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Lake[Lake]
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二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
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来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期二 九月 16, 2008 10:45 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

Champagne 写到:

I'm thinking about writing a sevenling sequence titled White America: Seven years on.


It's always a good idea to start from a short form and a longer one grows out of it.

My question is why you'd emphasize "White America". Since "Two Americas" rhetoric is hated by some people, would "White America" add another one to the two? Then there will be more coming. It's going to be arguable as most political poems do. But it's not a bad thing.

Champagne 写到:


No, it means this year, 2008, is the seventh year after the 9/11 attacks.


I can't quite relate the Seventh Year to the 9-11 without your explanation. Maybe if you could hint it somewhere in the poem, or in the title, it'll help a bit.

Thanks for your responses to my questions.
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Champagne[Champagne]
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四品府丞
(封疆大吏也!)
四品府丞<BR>(封疆大吏也!)


注册时间: 2007-09-15
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来自: Nowhere & Everywhere

帖子发表于: 星期三 九月 17, 2008 8:08 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

Lake 写到:



It's always a good idea to start from a short form and a longer one grows out of it.

My question is why you'd emphasize "White America". Since "Two Americas" rhetoric is hated by some people, would "White America" add another one to the two? Then there will be more coming. It's going to be arguable as most political poems do. But it's not a bad thing.


With your blessing, maybe I'll complete my writing project.

In my view, one good thing coming out of the 9/11 event is that generally speaking, "white Americans" are more willing to deal with their past(s) in all kinds of ways. That's the reason I call my writing project White America.

Lake 写到:


Champagne 写到:


No, it means this year, 2008, is the seventh year after the 9/11 attacks.


I can't quite relate the Seventh Year to the 9-11 without your explanation. Maybe if you could hint it somewhere in the poem, or in the title, it'll help a bit.



Yes, a good suggestion. I'll try to write a sevenling as a preface to my project.

Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.
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浴恩福[浴恩福]
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六品通判
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注册时间: 2008-05-08
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来自: 多倫多

帖子发表于: 星期四 九月 18, 2008 2:06 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Champagne 写到:


Lake 写到:


Champagne 写到:


No, it means this year, 2008, is the seventh year after the 9/11 attacks.


I can't quite relate the Seventh Year to the 9-11 without your explanation. Maybe if you could hint it somewhere in the poem, or in the title, it'll help a bit.



Yes, a good suggestion. I'll try to write a sevenling as a preface to my project.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment.


How about my sevenling:

911
tears
no poetry

Seven years since
the dust has settled
the dead buried

This is our America(s)
_________________
報三恩、耕三大福田
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