酷我-北美枫

christine · 四品府丞 （封疆大吏也！） 注册时间: 2008-02-25 帖子: 304

Conversations with Father co-written by ericcoliu

I

Father, how can I get out of this limbo state?
My dear child, behold and see what lies ahead of you.
I see nothing.
Close your eyes, and open your heart.
Oh! Father, I ...
Enough! My child, just go ahead step by step to pass the time.

II

Father, I have a brain tumour.
My dear child, are you scared?
Yes, I'm going to die.
Me too.
Oh, Father! What do you have?
A body.
I don’t understand.
My dear child, we all have bodies
Which give birth so that another is born,
Eating, drinking, defecating,
And unashamedly, sick and dying.
But I’m scared, Father. What should I do?
Enough! My child, just go ahead step by step to pass the time.

Lake · 发表于: 星期三八月 27, 2008 7:42 pm 发表主题:

Interesting conversation with some wisdom. Though not sure if Father is the birth parent or a priest. But either way, it works for me.

Something insignificant from me - 'Shut up! ' sounds a bit too strong and abrupt compared with 'my dear child'. Would you consider something else?

A thoughtful read.

ericcoliu · 发表于: 星期四八月 28, 2008 7:28 am 发表主题:

温暖的水獸 · 发表于: 星期四八月 28, 2008 11:20 am 发表主题:

温暖的水獸 · 发表于: 星期四八月 28, 2008 11:22 am 发表主题:

ericcoliu · 发表于: 星期四八月 28, 2008 8:55 pm 发表主题:

christine · 发表于: 星期六八月 30, 2008 12:34 pm 发表主题:

christine · 发表于: 星期六八月 30, 2008 12:38 pm 发表主题:

christine · 发表于: 星期二九月 02, 2008 7:21 pm 发表主题:

Hi! Eric:

I just wonder if narrative repetition works in the poem.

ericcoliu · 发表于: 星期三九月 03, 2008 8:38 am 发表主题:

I think it works well.

The repetition of the concluding lines as a unifying device is used generally to bind lines together into or to set up relationships within the poem.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul

ericcoliu · 发表于: 星期三九月 03, 2008 8:40 am 发表主题:

Conversation with a Priest, II is inspired by and appropriated from a conversation between a communicant contemplating suicide and a priest suffering a severe crisis of faith in Winter Light:

Eric: The passion of Christ, his suffering is futile.
Priest: What do you mean?
Eric: Just think of Gethsemane, Priest. All of his disciples fell asleep. They hadn't understood the meaning of the last supper, or anything. When the Roman soldiers came to arrest him, they ran away and Peter denied him. Jesus had known his disciples for three years and they had lived and worked together day in and day out, but they never grasped what he meant. In one of most crucial moments of his life, they all abandoned him. That must have been very painful when he realized that no one understood his message and that he was left alone when he desperately needed someone he could rely on. But the worse was yet to come. When Jesus was nailed to the cross and hung there in torment, he cried out as loud as he could, "God, my God! Why have you forsaken me?" His heavenly father had also abandoned him. At the final moment of his life, he believed everything he'd ever preached was a lie. He was seized by doubt. Surely that must have been his greatest hardship. God's silence.
Priest: Yes, …

Some words unrecognizably uttered from Priest’s mouth. Pause for moments.

Priest: We must believe something or someone and we must LIVE.
Eric: WHY must we live?

Priest says nothing and lowers his eyes.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul

dundas · 发表于: 星期三九月 03, 2008 2:41 pm 发表主题:

Are Conversation with a Priest I & II theologically-charged narrative versions of Conversations with Father?
_________________
My throat knew thirst before the structure
Of skin and vein around the well

温暖的水獸 · 发表于: 星期四九月 04, 2008 1:21 pm 发表主题:

Surely, they are.

Eric just couldn't get over his struggle with residual Christian influence.
_________________
舌頭那匹温暖的水獸　馴養地在小小的水族箱中　蠕動
那獸說：是的我願意

ericcoliu · 发表于: 星期一九月 08, 2008 9:43 am 发表主题:

christine · 发表于: 星期二九月 16, 2008 7:16 pm 发表主题:

Yes, a good suggestion.

I've revised the poem and combined the last two lines into one line.