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Mr.A[Mr.A] Mr.A作品集 举人 (中举啦,狂喜中!)
注册时间: 2008-06-12 帖子: 6
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发表于: 星期三 六月 25, 2008 8:50 pm 发表主题: Crown. |
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CROWN
In the purpose of showing my true age,
sunlight flashes at the wrinkles on my face
I'm not in rage
because I know
it’s just trying to tell me past will never change.
My shoulder is penetrated by a bullet from a silver gun
blood starts slowly showing on.
It’s not frightening finding my body gleaming with red brown
since I understand
it’s their best way to remind me of the wound.
Oh I am not the clown,
the clown who sitting on the trunk
whose feet are dangling in the front.
Please call me crown!
The brave crown who stands upon
watching his body slowly disappearing
his heart strongly beating,
beating after everything's gone. _________________ love is a cloud of smoke
Trying to occupy space.
-Elliott |
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anna[星子安娜] anna作品集 Site Admin
注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141
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发表于: 星期四 六月 26, 2008 4:04 pm 发表主题: |
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Hi Mr. A
I am not sure what the connection between the clown and crown.
May you explain?
Thanks.
Anna _________________ ---------------------
Anna Yin
《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...
http://annapoetry.com |
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Mr.A[Mr.A] Mr.A作品集 举人 (中举啦,狂喜中!)
注册时间: 2008-06-12 帖子: 6
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发表于: 星期四 六月 26, 2008 8:18 pm 发表主题: |
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clown the person who knows nothing but play.
crown is the person i wanna be since he(crown) is in charge of and responsible for himeself. _________________ love is a cloud of smoke
Trying to occupy space.
-Elliott |
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星子[ANNA] 星子作品集 酷我!I made it!
注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto
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发表于: 星期三 七月 09, 2008 8:11 pm 发表主题: |
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Hi Mr.A
Sorry. These weeks I am too busy.
I got your point, I think you can polish it a little bit and add more tension inside.
Anna _________________
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温暖的水獸[温暖的水獸] 温暖的水獸作品集 五品知州 (再努力一把就是四品大员了!)
注册时间: 2008-04-23 帖子: 153 来自: 水族箱
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发表于: 星期四 七月 10, 2008 1:56 pm 发表主题: |
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Mr.A 写到: | clown the person who knows nothing but play.
crown is the person i wanna be since he(crown) is in charge of and responsible for himeself. |
Really?
How about Lear's jester? The clown uses double-talk and seemingly frivolous songs to criticize Lear (the crown) for the latter's foolish mistakes.
More importantly, I didn't get from your poem the image of "the crown" precsribed in your above-mentioned reply. _________________ 舌頭那匹温暖的水獸 馴養地在小小的水族箱中 蠕動
那獸說:是的 我願意 |
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Kelly SHIN[Kelly SHIN] Kelly SHIN作品集 秀才 (恭喜您迈出害羞的第一步!)
注册时间: 2008-08-09 帖子: 1
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发表于: 星期六 八月 09, 2008 12:49 pm 发表主题: |
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My shoulder is penetrated by a bullet from a silver gun
blood starts slowly showing on.
It’s not frightening finding my body gleaming with red brown
since I understand
it’s their best way to remind me of the wound ~~~
HI MR.A
A OPPRESSIVE PERSPECTIVE OPENED OUT BEFORE US.
IT MAKES ME FRIGHTENED SOMETIMES.
I LIKE YOUR STYLE OF WRITING, BUT CAN YOU SHOW US
SOME BRIGHT AND ACTIVE ONES? THANKS! |
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Mr.A[Mr.A] Mr.A作品集 举人 (中举啦,狂喜中!)
注册时间: 2008-06-12 帖子: 6
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发表于: 星期六 八月 09, 2008 5:30 pm 发表主题: |
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ummm..haha....I think IM SHOWING MY BRIGHT-SIDE
since this poem is about being brave and yea..like that.
=)
btw.
thanks for commenting. _________________ love is a cloud of smoke
Trying to occupy space.
-Elliott |
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