酷我-北美枫

星子 · 酷我！I made it！ 注册时间: 2004-06-05 帖子: 13192 来自: Toronto

I was asked by Bunny for the next issue of Verse Afire, which is theme on Color.

Cajun Surise is a beautiful pink rose, to make rose tea.
photo taken by MichaelAlreadyTaken

Cajun Sunrise

Cajun Sunrise

Sitting down silently
you wait for your tea
always: Cajun Sunrise

Its dried rosy petals -
once pink freshness
dew sprayed in the twilight
now compacted
full of scent and flavor -
glow in warmth

You sip it
remembering me
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Lake · 发表于: 星期四七月 10, 2008 9:28 pm 发表主题:

anna,

One of my suggestions is to use punctuation consistently for I see one comma dangling at the end of the 2nd line while there are no other punctuation marks(except the dash) at the end of other lines where there should be stops as well.

星子 · 发表于: 星期五七月 11, 2008 10:07 pm 发表主题:

Hi Lake,

Yes. Thanks for reading. I am struggle about whether I could remove all the punctuations, but fear any misunderstanding.

I also changed the ending.
Old

Each sip
as she is back

Now

You sip it
remembering me

Which is better?

Anna
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