酷我-北美枫

[anna]

Sometimes I dare not to think of you
The past tense aching
There were many mistakes to recall
Yet haven't been settled in our present life

How I wish all were dreams, nightmares
Perhaps, scary minds and chilly night

Many hands stretching out and holding on
Many faces bruised and bleeding
How I wish I could touch and warm

But voice falling nowhere, stars shattered,
Shadow follows

If I dare to re-traverse the place where you were,
All pains I hope to soothe, yet all in the past,
And ache forever
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Sometimes I dare not to think of you
The past tense aching
There were many mistakes to recall
Yet haven't been settled in our present life

How I wish all were dreams, nightmares
Perhaps, scary minds and chilly night

Many hands stretching out and holding on
Many faces bruised and bleeding
How I wish I could touch and warm

But voice falling nowhere, stars shattered,
Shadow follows

If I dare to re-traverse the place where you were,
All pains I hope to soothe, yet all in the past,
And ache forever
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[东西]

[[东西]]

[星子]

Hi East_west,

Here The past tense aching has double meaning... tense is in the past ...
_________________

[[ANNA]]

Hi East_west,

Here The past tense aching has double meaning... tense is in the past ...
_________________

[christine]

[[christine]]

[anna]

I concern that too.

Yesterday I talked with Terry about this poem, he read twice and said he thought it was OK.

He said since that had a little bit sound like Haiku, so sometimes, grammar may be different.

The subject is mistakes...

I will ask him again when I have time.

Thanks for asking.


here is comment from Penshell: There I am Lavender or Lotus


lavendar, there is a yearning captured in this one. I might suggest giving it a more active voice.

suggestions:

Mourning for many


Sometimes I dare not think of you
The past tense [aching] (aches)
There were many mistakes to recall
Yet haven't been settled in our present life

How I wish all were dreams, nightmares
Perhaps, scary minds and chilly night

Many hands stretch[ing] out and hold[ing] on
Many faces bruised and bleeding
How I wish I could touch and warm

But voice fall(s)[ing] nowhere, stars shatter[ed],
Shadow follows

If I dare to re-traverse the place where you were,
All pains I hope to soothe, yet all in the past,
And ache forever
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

I concern that too.

Yesterday I talked with Terry about this poem, he read twice and said he thought it was OK.

He said since that had a little bit sound like Haiku, so sometimes, grammar may be different.

The subject is mistakes...

I will ask him again when I have time.

Thanks for asking.


here is comment from Penshell: There I am Lavender or Lotus


lavendar, there is a yearning captured in this one. I might suggest giving it a more active voice.

suggestions:

Mourning for many


Sometimes I dare not think of you
The past tense [aching] (aches)
There were many mistakes to recall
Yet haven't been settled in our present life

How I wish all were dreams, nightmares
Perhaps, scary minds and chilly night

Many hands stretch[ing] out and hold[ing] on
Many faces bruised and bleeding
How I wish I could touch and warm

But voice fall(s)[ing] nowhere, stars shatter[ed],
Shadow follows

If I dare to re-traverse the place where you were,
All pains I hope to soothe, yet all in the past,
And ache forever
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com