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浴恩福[浴恩福]
浴恩福作品集
六品通判
（官儿做大了，保持廉洁哦）
注册时间: 2008-05-08
帖子: 123
来自: 多倫多
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 发表于: 星期一 六月 02, 2008 6:11 pm 发表主题: 口供, The Confession (revised) |
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《口供》聞一多
我不騙你，我不是什么詩人，
縱然我愛的是白石的堅貞，
青松和大海，鴉背馱著夕陽，
黃昏里織滿了蝙蝠的翅膀。
你知道我愛英雄，還愛高山，
我愛一幅國旗在風中招展，
自從鵝黃到古銅色的菊花。
記著我的糧食是一壺苦茶！
可是還有一個我，你怕不怕？——
蒼蠅似的思想，垃圾桶里爬。
English Translation
The Confession
I’m not lying to you; I am no poet,
Though I love the chastity of white rocks,
Blue pines and the sea, the glimmer of sunset on a crows' back,
And the dusky sky interwoven with the wings of bats.
You know I love heroes, but also love high mountains,
I love the national flag waving in the wind,
And all colours from saffron to the bronze of chrysanthemums
Remember, my food is a pot of bitter tea!
But there is another person in me, are you afraid or not? --
His thoughts are like a gnat’s and he crawls in a trash can.
_________________
報三恩、耕三大福田
最后进行编辑的是 浴恩福 on 星期四 六月 26, 2008 4:52 pm, 总计第 4 次编辑 |
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Champagne[Champagne]
Champagne作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2007-09-15
帖子: 394
来自: Nowhere & Everywhere
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| 发表于: 星期一 六月 02, 2008 8:26 pm 发表主题: Re: 口供, The Confession |
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| 浴恩福 写到: | 《口供》聞一多
鴉背馱著夕陽，
黃昏里織滿了蝙蝠的翅膀。
The Confession
the sunset on a crows' back,
And the dusky sky interwoven with a tapestry of bats’ wings.
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The line marked above is too long.
My suggestion is as follows:
the glimmer of sunset on a crows' back,
And the dusky sky interwoven with the wings of bats.
By the way, Chinese Translation or English Translation ? And All colours or And all colours?
_________________
I'm Champagne,
Bottled poetry with sparkling joy.
最后进行编辑的是 Champagne on 星期二 六月 03, 2008 8:35 am, 总计第 1 次编辑 |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada
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| 发表于: 星期二 六月 03, 2008 8:15 am 发表主题: Re: 口供, The Confession |
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| 浴恩福 写到: |
《口供》聞一多
我不騙你，我不是什么詩人，
I won’t lie to you; I am no poet,
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I think “I’m not lying to you” is more direct and intimate.
I like this poem, which reveals Wen Yiduo’s conception of poetry. The speaker denies the fact that he is a poet in the form of a poem, a form that contradicts his denial. The double denial creates an ironic and tonal intensity in the poem.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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温暖的水獸[温暖的水獸]
温暖的水獸作品集
五品知州
（再努力一把就是四品大员了！）
注册时间: 2008-04-23
帖子: 153
来自: 水族箱
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| 发表于: 星期二 六月 03, 2008 1:28 pm 发表主题: Re: 口供, The Confession |
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| 浴恩福 写到: |
你知道我愛英雄，還愛高山，
You know I love heroes and high mountains,
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In my view, this line would be better to be translated as follows:
You know I love heroes, but also love high mountains,
| ericcoliu 写到: |
The double denial creates an ironic and tonal intensity in the poem. |
Yes, well-said.
Irony works at another level as well. The chinese title of the poem refers to a non-religious knid of "confession", a legal kind which creates a dramatic setting that challenges the reader how to read the poem.
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舌頭那匹温暖的水獸 馴養地在小小的水族箱中 蠕動
那獸說：是的 我願意 |
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浴恩福[浴恩福]
浴恩福作品集
六品通判
（官儿做大了，保持廉洁哦）
注册时间: 2008-05-08
帖子: 123
来自: 多倫多
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| 发表于: 星期二 六月 03, 2008 2:21 pm 发表主题: Re: 口供, The Confession |
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| Champagne 写到: |
The line marked above is too long.
My suggestion is as follows:
the glimmer of sunset on a crows' back,
And the dusky sky interwoven with the wings of bats.
By the way, Chinese Translation or English Translation ? And All colours or And all colours? |
Yes, you're right. Thanks for your careful reading and insightful suggestion.
I was in a rush to post my piece and didn't proofread my piece.
_________________
報三恩、耕三大福田 |
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浴恩福[浴恩福]
浴恩福作品集
六品通判
（官儿做大了，保持廉洁哦）
注册时间: 2008-05-08
帖子: 123
来自: 多倫多
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| 发表于: 星期二 六月 03, 2008 2:39 pm 发表主题: Re: 口供, The Confession |
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| 温暖的水獸 写到: |
| ericcoliu 写到: |
The double denial creates an ironic and tonal intensity in the poem. |
Yes, well-said.
Irony works at another level as well. The chinese title of the poem refers to a non-religious knid of "confession", a legal kind which creates a dramatic setting that challenges the reader how to read the poem. |
Yes, both of you have a sharp eye for The Confession.
The legal connotation of the Chinese title changes the way the poem can be read. The speaker, supposedly a poet who confesses his true identity, now is under interrogation of the poetry critics for his view on poetry writing and being a poet.
_________________
報三恩、耕三大福田 |
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fanfan[FAFAFA]
fanfan作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2007-12-27
帖子: 353
来自: Canada
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| 发表于: 星期二 六月 03, 2008 9:00 pm 发表主题: Re: 口供, The Confession |
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| 浴恩福 写到: |
可是還有一個我，你怕不怕？——
蒼蠅似的思想，垃圾桶里爬。
But there is another person in me--are you afraid or not? --
With thoughts like a gnat crawling in a trash can. |
My suggestion for the translation of stanza two is as follows:
But there is another person in me--are you afraid or not? --
His thought is like a gnat’s and he crawls in a trash can .
_________________
Don't imitate me;
it's as boring
as the two halves of a melon. |
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浴恩福[浴恩福]
浴恩福作品集
六品通判
（官儿做大了，保持廉洁哦）
注册时间: 2008-05-08
帖子: 123
来自: 多倫多
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| 发表于: 星期六 六月 07, 2008 2:26 pm 发表主题: Re: 口供, The Confession |
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| fanfan 写到: |
My suggestion for the translation of stanza two is as follows:
But there is another person in me--are you afraid or not? --
His thought is like a gnat’s and he crawls in a trash can . |
Good suggestion. How do you think if I translate the last line as "His thought is like a gnat’s and he crawls through muck?"
_________________
報三恩、耕三大福田 |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada
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| 发表于: 星期六 六月 07, 2008 8:51 pm 发表主题: Re: 口供, The Confession |
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| 浴恩福 写到: | | fanfan 写到: |
My suggestion for the translation of stanza two is as follows:
But there is another person in me--are you afraid or not? --
His thought is like a gnat’s and he crawls in a trash can . |
Good suggestion. How do you think if I translate the last line as "His thought is like a gnat’s and he crawls through muck?" |
I think either one will do.
| 浴恩福 写到: |
The legal connotation of the Chinese title changes the way the poem can be read. The speaker, supposedly a poet who confesses his true identity, now is under interrogation of the poetry critics for his view on poetry writing and being a poet. |
Yes, well said.
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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christine[christine]
christine作品集
四品府丞
（封疆大吏也！）
注册时间: 2008-02-25
帖子: 304
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| 发表于: 星期日 六月 08, 2008 12:41 pm 发表主题: Re: 口供, The Confession |
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| 浴恩福 写到: |
The legal connotation of the Chinese title changes the way the poem can be read. The speaker, supposedly a poet who confesses his true identity, now is under interrogation of the poetry critics for his view on poetry writing and being a poet. |
If we pay close attention to the poem, we can discover that there is a sharp contrast between two stanzas: the first stanza contains many positive images from the traditional scenery images of nature to the modern patriotic image of the national flag while the second one only presents a single negative image, a gnat-infested trash can. |
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浴恩福[浴恩福]
浴恩福作品集
六品通判
（官儿做大了，保持廉洁哦）
注册时间: 2008-05-08
帖子: 123
来自: 多倫多
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| 发表于: 星期四 六月 26, 2008 4:54 pm 发表主题: Re: 口供, The Confession |
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Thank you all for the comments.
| christine 写到: |
If we pay close attention to the poem, we can discover that there is a sharp contrast between two stanzas: the first stanza contains many positive images from the traditional scenery images of nature to the modern patriotic image of the national flag while the second one only presents a single negative image, a gnat-infested trash can. |
Yes, well said.
I've revised my piece.
_________________
報三恩、耕三大福田 |
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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada
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| 发表于: 星期五 六月 27, 2008 9:07 am 发表主题: |
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Good work.
These two contrasting images portrayed in the poem reveal Wen Yiduo’s criticism of his contemporaries and of conception of a good poet who dares to reveal and challenge the reader: "there is another person in me, are you afraid or not? -- / His thoughts are like a gnat’s and he crawls in a trash can."
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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| 返回页首 |
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浴恩福[浴恩福]
浴恩福作品集
六品通判
（官儿做大了，保持廉洁哦）
注册时间: 2008-05-08
帖子: 123
来自: 多倫多
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| 发表于: 星期一 七月 07, 2008 12:19 pm 发表主题: |
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| ericcoliu 写到: | Good work.
These two contrasting images portrayed in the poem reveal Wen Yiduo’s criticism of his contemporaries and of conception of a good poet who dares to reveal and challenge the reader: "there is another person in me, are you afraid or not? -- / His thoughts are like a gnat’s and he crawls in a trash can." |
Yes, well said. A sharp eye and witty words for Wen's poem.
In my view, this poem also challenges his fellow poets to write a different kind of poetry: a kind of personal poetry penetrated by dark images and dirty thoughts.
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報三恩、耕三大福田 |
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