酷我-北美枫

[anna]

Assignment 1 - Character Dressing up for the Carnival

Assignment 1 - Character Dressing up for the Carnival

Assignment 1 - Character Dressing up for the Carnival

All over town people are putting on their costumes.
But not Jane. Jane stands behind the curtain, watching people pass by. Everyone seems to walk in the clouds, drifting and laughing. Their blizzard costumes, she hardly recognizes who is under them.
But who cares? All put on masks, they are not themselves now. Or they are, finally. In fact, Jane does feel everyday she is like putting on costume. Jane turns to stare at the mirror, a pale face looks back to her, colorless lips tightly shut.
Tina was like that before, or worse. Jane recalls her carelessly loose hair, her sloppy sweater and noisy laughter. Sam always frowns at her when Tina comes to visit.
But not last night. Last night, Sam gazed at Tina voicelessly, almost awe-struck. Jane first thought it was amusing, and then she felt disappointed.
“How astonished, Tina has transformed, attractive and beautiful, yet I …”
Jane closes her eyes and inhales a deep breath.
The door bell rings and she opens the door with suspicion. Sam steps in with hands behind him. “What is it?” Jane asks coldly. “Close your eyes.” Sam winks to her.
Jane is surprised but follows his words. Sam takes her hands softly and gently touches her palm, “I hope it is not too late to let a flower bloom.” Jane feels something slip into her finger and she opens her eyes, a pretty heart-shape ring is shining on her finger,
“A re-new for my love.” Sam whispers into her ear, Jane’s face lights up and echoes, “How surprise!”
_________________
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Assignment 1 - Character Dressing up for the Carnival

Assignment 1 - Character Dressing up for the Carnival

Assignment 1 - Character Dressing up for the Carnival

All over town people are putting on their costumes.
But not Jane. Jane stands behind the curtain, watching people pass by. Everyone seems to walk in the clouds, drifting and laughing. Their blizzard costumes, she hardly recognizes who is under them.
But who cares? All put on masks, they are not themselves now. Or they are, finally. In fact, Jane does feel everyday she is like putting on costume. Jane turns to stare at the mirror, a pale face looks back to her, colorless lips tightly shut.
Tina was like that before, or worse. Jane recalls her carelessly loose hair, her sloppy sweater and noisy laughter. Sam always frowns at her when Tina comes to visit.
But not last night. Last night, Sam gazed at Tina voicelessly, almost awe-struck. Jane first thought it was amusing, and then she felt disappointed.
“How astonished, Tina has transformed, attractive and beautiful, yet I …”
Jane closes her eyes and inhales a deep breath.
The door bell rings and she opens the door with suspicion. Sam steps in with hands behind him. “What is it?” Jane asks coldly. “Close your eyes.” Sam winks to her.
Jane is surprised but follows his words. Sam takes her hands softly and gently touches her palm, “I hope it is not too late to let a flower bloom.” Jane feels something slip into her finger and she opens her eyes, a pretty heart-shape ring is shining on her finger,
“A re-new for my love.” Sam whispers into her ear, Jane’s face lights up and echoes, “How surprise!”
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[christine]

I think in your story, especially in the third and the last three paragraphs, you "tell too much and show little."

"Don't tell us that the old lady screamed.
Bring her on and let her scream." -- Samuel Clemens

By the way, Carniva or Carnival ?

[[christine]]

I think in your story, especially in the third and the last three paragraphs, you "tell too much and show little."

"Don't tell us that the old lady screamed.
Bring her on and let her scream." -- Samuel Clemens

By the way, Carniva or Carnival ?

[anna]

Hi christine,

You are right.

The assignment is to write not longer than a page and depict the change of a character. I guess I should not try to cover a whole story... I should just focus on details.

revised a little.

Will post others' comments later.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Hi christine,

You are right.

The assignment is to write not longer than a page and depict the change of a character. I guess I should not try to cover a whole story... I should just focus on details.

revised a little.

Will post others' comments later.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[浴恩福]

[[浴恩福]]

[anna]

Hi 浴恩福,

Thanks. Revised.

I got comments from our group. Mainly it is too telling and some plot is not clear. So I revised and I wonder if it could be SUDDEN FICTION too.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Hi 浴恩福,

Thanks. Revised.

I got comments from our group. Mainly it is too telling and some plot is not clear. So I revised and I wonder if it could be SUDDEN FICTION too.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com