酷我-北美枫

[温暖的水獸]

腹語術　夏宇

我走錯房間
錯過了自己的婚禮。
在牆壁唯一的隙縫中，我看見
一切行進之完好。　他穿白色的外衣
她捧著花，儀式、
許諾、親吻
背著它：命運，我苦苦練就的腹語術
（舌頭那匹溫暖的水獸　馴養地
在小小的水族箱中　蠕動）
那獸說：我願意。


Revised Edition:

Ventriloquist

I enter into the wrong room
And miss my own wedding.
Through the only hole in the wall I see
The perfect proceedings. He wears white;
She holds flowers.
The rite, the vows, and the kiss.
I carry it on my back: fate, the ventriloquy
I have worked so hard at.
(The tongue, that warm aquatic creature, squirms domestic in its tank)
That creature says, "I do."


Note:

The reason I renamed my piece is that I want to bring to the fore the split female psyche expressed in the poem.



Original Edition:

Ventriloquism

I enter into the wrong room
And miss my own wedding.
Through the only hole in the wall I see
The wedding ceremony is perfect. The groom wears white;
The bride holds flowers.
The ritual, the vows, and the kiss.
I turn my back on it: fate, the ventriloquism
I have worked so hard at.
The tongue, that warm aquatic creature, squirms domestic in its tank,
And that creature says, "I do."
_________________
舌頭那匹温暖的水獸　馴養地在小小的水族箱中　蠕動
那獸說：是的 我願意

[[温暖的水獸]]

腹語術　夏宇

我走錯房間
錯過了自己的婚禮。
在牆壁唯一的隙縫中，我看見
一切行進之完好。　他穿白色的外衣
她捧著花，儀式、
許諾、親吻
背著它：命運，我苦苦練就的腹語術
（舌頭那匹溫暖的水獸　馴養地
在小小的水族箱中　蠕動）
那獸說：我願意。


Revised Edition:

Ventriloquist

I enter into the wrong room
And miss my own wedding.
Through the only hole in the wall I see
The perfect proceedings. He wears white;
She holds flowers.
The rite, the vows, and the kiss.
I carry it on my back: fate, the ventriloquy
I have worked so hard at.
(The tongue, that warm aquatic creature, squirms domestic in its tank)
That creature says, "I do."


Note:

The reason I renamed my piece is that I want to bring to the fore the split female psyche expressed in the poem.



Original Edition:

Ventriloquism

I enter into the wrong room
And miss my own wedding.
Through the only hole in the wall I see
The wedding ceremony is perfect. The groom wears white;
The bride holds flowers.
The ritual, the vows, and the kiss.
I turn my back on it: fate, the ventriloquism
I have worked so hard at.
The tongue, that warm aquatic creature, squirms domestic in its tank,
And that creature says, "I do."
_________________
舌頭那匹温暖的水獸　馴養地在小小的水族箱中　蠕動
那獸說：是的 我願意

[clair]

[[clair]]

[戴玨]

groom，bride是不必要的，同樣wedding ceremony也是不必要的。
比如：
...
the perfect proceedings. He wears white,
she holds flowers.
The rituals, the vows, and the kiss.

...squirms domestically in its tank,
_________________
我的blog:
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1310527443

[[Edgar]]

groom，bride是不必要的，同樣wedding ceremony也是不必要的。
比如：
...
the perfect proceedings. He wears white,
she holds flowers.
The rituals, the vows, and the kiss.

...squirms domestically in its tank,
_________________
我的blog:
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1310527443

[Lake]

欢迎新朋友。

Did you translate this? Pretty good.

我走錯房間
錯過了自己的婚禮。

I enter into the wrong room
And miss my own wedding.

感觉这里的时态是否有点问题？

squirms domestic, 是否有这样的特殊表达？ Otherwise, squirms domestically seems grammatically correct.

Cheers,

[[Lake]]

欢迎新朋友。

Did you translate this? Pretty good.

我走錯房間
錯過了自己的婚禮。

I enter into the wrong room
And miss my own wedding.

感觉这里的时态是否有点问题？

squirms domestic, 是否有这样的特殊表达？ Otherwise, squirms domestically seems grammatically correct.

Cheers,

[星子]

欢迎新朋友.

在思考你的诗...
_________________

[[ANNA]]

欢迎新朋友.

在思考你的诗...
_________________

[christine]

[[christine]]

[ericcoliu]

[[ericcoliu]]

[Champagne]

[[Champagne]]

[戴玨]

[[Edgar]]

[温暖的水獸]

Thank you all for your insightful suggestions. I'll take them into consideration for further revision of my piece. Special thanks to clair and Christine's erotic reading of my translation.
_________________
舌頭那匹温暖的水獸　馴養地在小小的水族箱中　蠕動
那獸說：是的 我願意

[[温暖的水獸]]

Thank you all for your insightful suggestions. I'll take them into consideration for further revision of my piece. Special thanks to clair and Christine's erotic reading of my translation.
_________________
舌頭那匹温暖的水獸　馴養地在小小的水族箱中　蠕動
那獸說：是的 我願意

[温暖的水獸]

[[温暖的水獸]]

[ericcoliu]

[[ericcoliu]]

[温暖的水獸]

[[温暖的水獸]]

[christine]

Your revised version is much better than the original one.

[[christine]]

Your revised version is much better than the original one.

[ericcoliu]

[[ericcoliu]]