酷我-北美枫

[星子]

Immigrant

Trapped in a swamp
stretched and struggling
to pull out slowly,
you drag through a slump of insecurity,
facing the boundary of the deep-set tangles.

Your dreams, dropped in the water,
not spreaded ripples outwards,
but sank in heavy dark.
Your smiles fade away.
no wind, no fairy tale.

Holding up your head,
you become a climber,
your voice fallen behind.
You don't know where the destination is,
but you do know how to watch
and what to forget.



----old---

The life of immigrant,
You do feel like trapped in a swamp
Stretching out and struggling to pull out yourself
But slowly, still you are dragged in the whirlpool
Of insecurity,
Your view is bounded by the deep-set surroundings

The Life of returning,
You sure feel like ripples spreading outwards,
your thought and ideas, dropped in the water,
sparkle warm reception.
You become overwhelmed with your flexibility,
But soon, you are in silence again,
There is no wind, no fairy tale.

Now wherever you are, you are a climber.
Consistently hiking, your voice fallen behind.
You don't know where the destination is,
But you do know how to watch
and what to forget.
_________________

[[ANNA]]

Immigrant

Trapped in a swamp
stretched and struggling
to pull out slowly,
you drag through a slump of insecurity,
facing the boundary of the deep-set tangles.

Your dreams, dropped in the water,
not spreaded ripples outwards,
but sank in heavy dark.
Your smiles fade away.
no wind, no fairy tale.

Holding up your head,
you become a climber,
your voice fallen behind.
You don't know where the destination is,
but you do know how to watch
and what to forget.



----old---

The life of immigrant,
You do feel like trapped in a swamp
Stretching out and struggling to pull out yourself
But slowly, still you are dragged in the whirlpool
Of insecurity,
Your view is bounded by the deep-set surroundings

The Life of returning,
You sure feel like ripples spreading outwards,
your thought and ideas, dropped in the water,
sparkle warm reception.
You become overwhelmed with your flexibility,
But soon, you are in silence again,
There is no wind, no fairy tale.

Now wherever you are, you are a climber.
Consistently hiking, your voice fallen behind.
You don't know where the destination is,
But you do know how to watch
and what to forget.
_________________

[anna]

Comments from Bren

Hi Anna,
I think this is wonderful through the eyes of an immigrant. I do think the first line is too telly I would start directly with You feel trapped in a swamp In fact Immigrant might be a good title or something like that. I'm thinking you could delete the first you do feel like and begin with Trapped in a swamp...

Trapped in a swamp
Stretched and struggling
to pull out slowly,
you drag through a sump
Of insecurity,


I'm thinking the second stanza doesn't bind it together as well as the first and last, it throws me out of the imagery a bit because I'm seeing less rigid surroundings and it seems to be too soon for that. Perhaps something like this...

The Life of returning,
overwhelmed with flexibility,
you are a climber.
Your voice fallen behind.


Love, love love the voice fallen behind!

You don't know where the destination is,
But you do know how to watch
and what to forget.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Comments from Bren

Hi Anna,
I think this is wonderful through the eyes of an immigrant. I do think the first line is too telly I would start directly with You feel trapped in a swamp In fact Immigrant might be a good title or something like that. I'm thinking you could delete the first you do feel like and begin with Trapped in a swamp...

Trapped in a swamp
Stretched and struggling
to pull out slowly,
you drag through a sump
Of insecurity,


I'm thinking the second stanza doesn't bind it together as well as the first and last, it throws me out of the imagery a bit because I'm seeing less rigid surroundings and it seems to be too soon for that. Perhaps something like this...

The Life of returning,
overwhelmed with flexibility,
you are a climber.
Your voice fallen behind.


Love, love love the voice fallen behind!

You don't know where the destination is,
But you do know how to watch
and what to forget.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

I will revise it to focus on the immigrant life.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

I will revise it to focus on the immigrant life.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[nephi]

A Heartfelt poem.

An immigrant is a hard-exercising athlete, engaged in an on-going tug-of-war between a longing for home and an enthusiasm for the unhomely.

Just a thought.
_________________
For you, forerunner
Outstripping darkness
Your mind sharp as sunlight
Piercing our shadows.

[[nephi]]

A Heartfelt poem.

An immigrant is a hard-exercising athlete, engaged in an on-going tug-of-war between a longing for home and an enthusiasm for the unhomely.

Just a thought.
_________________
For you, forerunner
Outstripping darkness
Your mind sharp as sunlight
Piercing our shadows.

[anna]

Hi Nephi,

Thanks for comments. I bring this for tomorrow's TOPS event.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Hi Nephi,

Thanks for comments. I bring this for tomorrow's TOPS event.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

Comments from Paul.

I read and reread your poems several times. They are powerful and evocative,
rich in imagery. "Immigrant" brings to the fore your social conscience and
personal experience- inspired empathy and solidarity. "Do know how to watch
and what to forget"-- how succinct, incisive and insightful.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Comments from Paul.

I read and reread your poems several times. They are powerful and evocative,
rich in imagery. "Immigrant" brings to the fore your social conscience and
personal experience- inspired empathy and solidarity. "Do know how to watch
and what to forget"-- how succinct, incisive and insightful.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[christine]

[[christine]]

[anna]

christine,

Yes. You are right. But I guess it is not easy for western people to understand the feeling and situation of returning.

So I changed the poem's original's comparision.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

christine,

Yes. You are right. But I guess it is not easy for western people to understand the feeling and situation of returning.

So I changed the poem's original's comparision.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com