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ericcoliu[ericcoliu]
ericcoliu作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2007-05-29
帖子: 1393
来自: GTA, Canada
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 发表于: 星期日 二月 24, 2008 8:24 pm 发表主题: |
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| 戴玨 写到: |
This means “陣痛” is better than “分娩”，because “陣痛” implies more about pain than childbirth. On the other hand, the text "in labour" literally can mean the efforts of childbirth. No matter what people read into the line, I think a good strategy is to preserve the text for as many meanings as possible. |
I concur!
| 戴玨 写到: |
| ericcoliu 写到: | By the way, in your translation, the verse line, "In the final direction of the elementary town," is translated as "朝著小鎮最後的方向."
I think this translation doesn't catch the connotative meaning of the original line. |
You're probably right. It was hard for me to find a good phrase that doesn't sound unnatural, finally I decided to use a simple term, as in elementary school. |
How about "黃泉鎮?"
The reason for this translation is that as I pointed it out in my previous reply, the semantic link between doorway-journey-strut-direction-elementary town-advance refers to a journey of death because someone is “sewing a shroud” for this journey and a shroud links up with grave-bury the dead.
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Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul |
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戴玨[Edgar]
戴玨作品集
五品知州
（再努力一把就是四品大员了！）
注册时间: 2006-12-26
帖子: 213
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| 发表于: 星期一 二月 25, 2008 3:49 pm 发表主题: |
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| ericcoliu 写到: | | How about "黃泉鎮?" |
While I agree with your journey-between-womb-and-tomb interpretation, I'm not sure what this 'elementary town' specifically symbolizes. If it implied a death place, then using 黃泉鎮 would be too obvious, and that's something a poet would usually try to avoid.
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集
二品总督
（刚入二品，小心做人）
注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water
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| 发表于: 星期二 二月 26, 2008 11:29 am 发表主题: |
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| 戴玨 写到: |
如果是death of the light，用熄滅較恰當。是衰敗滅絕的意思，強調是過程。既然是rage，當然朗誦時要像發火一樣啦！ |
哈，第一次没看出“微滅” 有“衰败灭绝”的意思，查了字典才知道。因为是 light ,所以就想着熄灭，消逝的意思。 |
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