酷我-北美枫

[不清]

-- and don't have a Chinese version yet! --

Immigration

Hockey is being played either we are here or not.
we chant and scream the name of the caption, as if
our mothers are pushing and having us born again on a plane
heading to the west coast.

Skillful players make walls of gold nuggets a season,
and they sail boats in the off-season, accompanied
by those cute girls. He shots and he scores!
As the black puck slithers upon the ice and passes

Beyond the goal line, we celebrate with our hands in the air.
We are fathers now, but the referees ruled "no goal" for
the color of the puck is brown. This was what the immigration
officers whispered into our ears as well, "the color of your eye

Is brown," and to be honest with you, it's okay as long as our hair
is black. A full moon hung high in the sky.
as we trail the silvery reflection of the steel rails with our frozen hands
listening to the howling train --

Howling train / beyond the lofty cliff / two lines of Canadian geese / flying east
we can't swim across the Pacific Ocean / neither can the train

As I stare at the nightly sky, smoke billows from the chimney.
and this white guy, George, is my neighbor. Looks like he is making
stir-fry tonight.

20070613
_________________
「四十二排浪，沒有一排是相似的」——不清

博客：
http://42waves.tumblr.com

[[不清]]

-- and don't have a Chinese version yet! --

Immigration

Hockey is being played either we are here or not.
we chant and scream the name of the caption, as if
our mothers are pushing and having us born again on a plane
heading to the west coast.

Skillful players make walls of gold nuggets a season,
and they sail boats in the off-season, accompanied
by those cute girls. He shots and he scores!
As the black puck slithers upon the ice and passes

Beyond the goal line, we celebrate with our hands in the air.
We are fathers now, but the referees ruled "no goal" for
the color of the puck is brown. This was what the immigration
officers whispered into our ears as well, "the color of your eye

Is brown," and to be honest with you, it's okay as long as our hair
is black. A full moon hung high in the sky.
as we trail the silvery reflection of the steel rails with our frozen hands
listening to the howling train --

Howling train / beyond the lofty cliff / two lines of Canadian geese / flying east
we can't swim across the Pacific Ocean / neither can the train

As I stare at the nightly sky, smoke billows from the chimney.
and this white guy, George, is my neighbor. Looks like he is making
stir-fry tonight.

20070613
_________________
「四十二排浪，沒有一排是相似的」——不清

博客：
http://42waves.tumblr.com

[星子]

不清,,,我读了你的中文版,我觉得有些地方中文的更明确. 比如说第一段.

总体我喜欢你的思考,从很日常的事物引伸出去...言而有物.诗眼很明确,内容不空洞.

你可以再多修改,从立意和取材来看,这是一首很不错的诗.
_________________

[[ANNA]]

不清,,,我读了你的中文版,我觉得有些地方中文的更明确. 比如说第一段.

总体我喜欢你的思考,从很日常的事物引伸出去...言而有物.诗眼很明确,内容不空洞.

你可以再多修改,从立意和取材来看,这是一首很不错的诗.
_________________

[不清]

我也發現這個問題，當我不停地從英文翻譯成中文，又再從中文翻譯到英文，在重複的翻譯過程中我能夠發掘更多的思想。昨晚把詩歌重新分行，希望實驗一下分行對詩意上的效果。

這是一首比較難翻譯的詩，因為英文版本用了很多的日常口語，翻成中文好像有點格格不入。

我會把這首和之前那首brimming memory寄去TOPS。

Immigrants

Ice hockey is being played either we are here or
Not. We chant and scream the name of
Our captain, as if our mother are
Pushing and having us born again on a plane

Heading to the west coast.
Elite players are making wall of gold nuggets
A season, and they sail boats in the
Off-season, accompanied by cute

Young girls. He SHOOTS and he SCORES.
The black plastic puck slithers beyond the goal line
And we celebrate with our hands in the air.
We are fathers now, but the referee rules

No goal for the color of the puck is
Brown – that was what the immigration officer
Whispered into my ear as well, “your pupils are
Brown,” – and to be honest with you,

It’s okay as long as our hair is
Black. A full moon hung high in the sky.
Trailing the silvery reflection of steel rails, our frozen
Hands listen to the howling train –

Howling train / beyond the lofty cliff / two lines of Canadian geese / flying east
We can’t swim / across the Pacific Ocean / neither / can the train

Smoke billows from the chimneys, and yes,
All workers are now home under the same nightly sky. And this
White guy, George, is my neighbour. Looks like he is
Making some stir-fries tonight.
_________________
「四十二排浪，沒有一排是相似的」——不清

博客：
http://42waves.tumblr.com

[[不清]]

我也發現這個問題，當我不停地從英文翻譯成中文，又再從中文翻譯到英文，在重複的翻譯過程中我能夠發掘更多的思想。昨晚把詩歌重新分行，希望實驗一下分行對詩意上的效果。

這是一首比較難翻譯的詩，因為英文版本用了很多的日常口語，翻成中文好像有點格格不入。

我會把這首和之前那首brimming memory寄去TOPS。

Immigrants

Ice hockey is being played either we are here or
Not. We chant and scream the name of
Our captain, as if our mother are
Pushing and having us born again on a plane

Heading to the west coast.
Elite players are making wall of gold nuggets
A season, and they sail boats in the
Off-season, accompanied by cute

Young girls. He SHOOTS and he SCORES.
The black plastic puck slithers beyond the goal line
And we celebrate with our hands in the air.
We are fathers now, but the referee rules

No goal for the color of the puck is
Brown – that was what the immigration officer
Whispered into my ear as well, “your pupils are
Brown,” – and to be honest with you,

It’s okay as long as our hair is
Black. A full moon hung high in the sky.
Trailing the silvery reflection of steel rails, our frozen
Hands listen to the howling train –

Howling train / beyond the lofty cliff / two lines of Canadian geese / flying east
We can’t swim / across the Pacific Ocean / neither / can the train

Smoke billows from the chimneys, and yes,
All workers are now home under the same nightly sky. And this
White guy, George, is my neighbour. Looks like he is
Making some stir-fries tonight.
_________________
「四十二排浪，沒有一排是相似的」——不清

博客：
http://42waves.tumblr.com

[Lake]

[[Lake]]

[不清]

Lake, thanks for reading! I have to say, I am pretty happy with this one!

I kinda hope that the Chinese Stir-fries at the end can echo the Canadian Ice Hockey in the beginning. And I want to send a message out that, there are so much to learn from each culture. Chinese should not feel like we are being treated unfairly.

Oh yes, it should be hangs.

yes, "our hands" are doing the chasing and listening. want to remind people that the rail roads were made by hands of those Chinese pioneers.
_________________
「四十二排浪，沒有一排是相似的」——不清

博客：
http://42waves.tumblr.com

[[不清]]

Lake, thanks for reading! I have to say, I am pretty happy with this one!

I kinda hope that the Chinese Stir-fries at the end can echo the Canadian Ice Hockey in the beginning. And I want to send a message out that, there are so much to learn from each culture. Chinese should not feel like we are being treated unfairly.

Oh yes, it should be hangs.

yes, "our hands" are doing the chasing and listening. want to remind people that the rail roads were made by hands of those Chinese pioneers.
_________________
「四十二排浪，沒有一排是相似的」——不清

博客：
http://42waves.tumblr.com

[Lake]

I sensed that westerners are trying Chinese cuisine.

"It's okay as long as our hair is /Black."

What if the hair is not black, as today a lot of young people color their hair ...

I am quipping, stop me!

[[Lake]]

I sensed that westerners are trying Chinese cuisine.

"It's okay as long as our hair is /Black."

What if the hair is not black, as today a lot of young people color their hair ...

I am quipping, stop me!

[不清]

HA! I actually thought about that too!!

In my draft, i had made mention to the Japanese cartoon "Sailor Moon" (I tried to connect it to "the full moon hangs high...") in which the 5 main girl characters have weird hair colors, i.e. purple, green, pink, blond and blue if i am not wrong.

I tried to make a statement about how the younger generation were "badly" influenced by the japanese culture. (is it really the japanese fault?)

But at the end, I decided to take it out, because it really has nothing to do with the subject of immigration. Also that cartoon is kinda out of date now....

I think I should write another poem that talks about all the behaviors of today's teenagers!
_________________
「四十二排浪，沒有一排是相似的」——不清

博客：
http://42waves.tumblr.com

[[不清]]

HA! I actually thought about that too!!

In my draft, i had made mention to the Japanese cartoon "Sailor Moon" (I tried to connect it to "the full moon hangs high...") in which the 5 main girl characters have weird hair colors, i.e. purple, green, pink, blond and blue if i am not wrong.

I tried to make a statement about how the younger generation were "badly" influenced by the japanese culture. (is it really the japanese fault?)

But at the end, I decided to take it out, because it really has nothing to do with the subject of immigration. Also that cartoon is kinda out of date now....

I think I should write another poem that talks about all the behaviors of today's teenagers!
_________________
「四十二排浪，沒有一排是相似的」——不清

博客：
http://42waves.tumblr.com

[Lake]

[[Lake]]

[不清]

I have shown this poem (english version) to a local poet. She doesn't like how I arranged the "howling train" imagery in the poem. She couldn't relate the train with the rest.

Maybe I should have written it a bit more clearly? Trying to connect and inter-relate the 2 themes by explaining the reason? I am not quite sure.
_________________
「四十二排浪，沒有一排是相似的」——不清

博客：
http://42waves.tumblr.com

[[不清]]

I have shown this poem (english version) to a local poet. She doesn't like how I arranged the "howling train" imagery in the poem. She couldn't relate the train with the rest.

Maybe I should have written it a bit more clearly? Trying to connect and inter-relate the 2 themes by explaining the reason? I am not quite sure.
_________________
「四十二排浪，沒有一排是相似的」——不清

博客：
http://42waves.tumblr.com