酷我-北美枫

[anna]

MORNING ON THE LIEVRE
Lampman, Archibald (1861-1899)

Far above us where a jay
Screams his matins to the day,
Capped with gold and amethyst,
Like a vapour from the forge
Of a giant somewhere hid,
Out of hearing of the clang
Of his hammer, skirts of mist
Slowly up the woody gorge
Lift and hang.

Softly as a cloud we go,
Sky above and sky below,
Down the river; and the dip
Of the paddles scarcely breaks,
With the little silvery drip
Of the water as it shakes
From the blades, the crystal deep
Of the silence of the morn,
Of the forest yet asleep;
And the river reaches borne
In a mirror, purple gray,
Sheer away
To the misty line of light,
Where the forest and the stream
In the shadow meet and plight,
Like a dream.

From amid a stretch of reeds,
Where the lazy river sucks
All the water as it bleeds
From a little curling creek,
And the muskrats peer and sneak
In around the sunken wrecks
Of a tree that swept the skies
Long ago,
On a sudden seven ducks
With a splashy rustle rise,
Stretching out their seven necks,
One before, and two behind,
And the others all arow,
And as steady as the wind
With a swivelling whistle go,
Through the purple shadow led,
Till we only hear their whir
In behind a rocky spur,
Just ahead.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

MORNING ON THE LIEVRE
Lampman, Archibald (1861-1899)

Far above us where a jay
Screams his matins to the day,
Capped with gold and amethyst,
Like a vapour from the forge
Of a giant somewhere hid,
Out of hearing of the clang
Of his hammer, skirts of mist
Slowly up the woody gorge
Lift and hang.

Softly as a cloud we go,
Sky above and sky below,
Down the river; and the dip
Of the paddles scarcely breaks,
With the little silvery drip
Of the water as it shakes
From the blades, the crystal deep
Of the silence of the morn,
Of the forest yet asleep;
And the river reaches borne
In a mirror, purple gray,
Sheer away
To the misty line of light,
Where the forest and the stream
In the shadow meet and plight,
Like a dream.

From amid a stretch of reeds,
Where the lazy river sucks
All the water as it bleeds
From a little curling creek,
And the muskrats peer and sneak
In around the sunken wrecks
Of a tree that swept the skies
Long ago,
On a sudden seven ducks
With a splashy rustle rise,
Stretching out their seven necks,
One before, and two behind,
And the others all arow,
And as steady as the wind
With a swivelling whistle go,
Through the purple shadow led,
Till we only hear their whir
In behind a rocky spur,
Just ahead.
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[anna]

http://www.collectionscanada.ca/canvers/t16-202-e.html
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

http://www.collectionscanada.ca/canvers/t16-202-e.html
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[星子]

远在我们之上,一只鸟
高唱着晨歌直到天亮，
金色和紫雾笼罩之处，
就象蒸气从那伪装的
巨人的某掩蔽地升起，
听得到他的锤头叮当
裙碟的薄雾在丛林的
峡谷缓缓升起,垂下。

我們乘舟像柔雲滑行
于天空之上和其之下
顺河而下; 摇橹的桨片
随着银色水珠的抖落
偶尔打破清晨水晶样
的沉静,和昏睡的森林;
在一面镜子里那水面
触及边缘,紫色灰雾中
透明着朦胧迷离的光
那儿可是森林和小溪
阴影里的集会和婚约,
景象象梦境一样。

从展开的一片芦苇中
舒缓的河流尽情吸吮
来自弯弯小溪的水流 .
麝香鼠在一株曾经是
枝叶满天的残树周围
偷看着并且溜进来;
七只鸭子突然间惊起
沙沙沙的水溅声伴随，
可爱的脖子伸得老长，
一个在前而两个在后
其他的竖排成纵列队，
象风一样稳健,
在一声回旋的哨音中，
被紫色的阴影引领着
直到我们只能够听见
它们在突兀的岩石后,
在我们之前.
_________________

[[ANNA]]

远在我们之上,一只鸟
高唱着晨歌直到天亮，
金色和紫雾笼罩之处，
就象蒸气从那伪装的
巨人的某掩蔽地升起，
听得到他的锤头叮当
裙碟的薄雾在丛林的
峡谷缓缓升起,垂下。

我們乘舟像柔雲滑行
于天空之上和其之下
顺河而下; 摇橹的桨片
随着银色水珠的抖落
偶尔打破清晨水晶样
的沉静,和昏睡的森林;
在一面镜子里那水面
触及边缘,紫色灰雾中
透明着朦胧迷离的光
那儿可是森林和小溪
阴影里的集会和婚约,
景象象梦境一样。

从展开的一片芦苇中
舒缓的河流尽情吸吮
来自弯弯小溪的水流 .
麝香鼠在一株曾经是
枝叶满天的残树周围
偷看着并且溜进来;
七只鸭子突然间惊起
沙沙沙的水溅声伴随，
可爱的脖子伸得老长，
一个在前而两个在后
其他的竖排成纵列队，
象风一样稳健,
在一声回旋的哨音中，
被紫色的阴影引领着
直到我们只能够听见
它们在突兀的岩石后,
在我们之前.
_________________

[长篙]

感觉稍有不顺>??
_________________
忘掉写诗,你才开始真正写诗;詩無定法,隨性而安

長篙诗歌自然門
http://blog.sina.com.cn/99GG

[[99]]

感觉稍有不顺>??
_________________
忘掉写诗,你才开始真正写诗;詩無定法,隨性而安

長篙诗歌自然門
http://blog.sina.com.cn/99GG

[ericcoliu]

Hi! Anna:

One correction and few suggestions.

Correction:

The line 10 of MORNING ON THE LIEVRE (hereafter, MOLE) should be:

Softly as a cloud we go (not ago).

Suggestions:

Archibald Lampman’s MOLE is a free-verse poem, depicting a dream-like canoeing expedition in late September on the Lievre River. I think Lampman tries to communicate in MOLE is what sets a canoeing excursion apart from other outdoor activities: paddling a mile in canoe will turn you into a child attentive to the dazzling beauty of nature. Throughout MOLE, Lampman foregrounds the subjective sensual experience of the speakers as they paddle along the rive enjoying spectacular scenery.

Having read your Chinese translation of MOLE, I think you might need to put more effort, especially in the second stanza, to express the subjectivity of exploring a mesmerizing canoeing expedition, maybe that’s one of reasons 长篙 raises the issue regarding “感觉稍有不顺”.

Please check the faithfulness of the Chinese translation of the third stanza.

Eric
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul

[[ericcoliu]]

Hi! Anna:

One correction and few suggestions.

Correction:

The line 10 of MORNING ON THE LIEVRE (hereafter, MOLE) should be:

Softly as a cloud we go (not ago).

Suggestions:

Archibald Lampman’s MOLE is a free-verse poem, depicting a dream-like canoeing expedition in late September on the Lievre River. I think Lampman tries to communicate in MOLE is what sets a canoeing excursion apart from other outdoor activities: paddling a mile in canoe will turn you into a child attentive to the dazzling beauty of nature. Throughout MOLE, Lampman foregrounds the subjective sensual experience of the speakers as they paddle along the rive enjoying spectacular scenery.

Having read your Chinese translation of MOLE, I think you might need to put more effort, especially in the second stanza, to express the subjectivity of exploring a mesmerizing canoeing expedition, maybe that’s one of reasons 长篙 raises the issue regarding “感觉稍有不顺”.

Please check the faithfulness of the Chinese translation of the third stanza.

Eric
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul

[星子]

Thank you very much, Eric.

I should be more careful and work hard for that...

Hopefully when I am back, I will have time to discuss it more and correct it.

Regards,

Anna
_________________

[[ANNA]]

Thank you very much, Eric.

I should be more careful and work hard for that...

Hopefully when I am back, I will have time to discuss it more and correct it.

Regards,

Anna
_________________

[ericcoliu]

Hi! Anna:

You’re really a diligent cultural builder doing a fantastic job to bridge the English and the Chinese poetry for literature tourists like me, who take a leisurely walk across the bridge, sometimes ungratefully criticizing the structure of it while enjoying literary scenery along the river.

Don’t take my comments too serious.

Enjoy your trip.

Eric
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul

[[ericcoliu]]

Hi! Anna:

You’re really a diligent cultural builder doing a fantastic job to bridge the English and the Chinese poetry for literature tourists like me, who take a leisurely walk across the bridge, sometimes ungratefully criticizing the structure of it while enjoying literary scenery along the river.

Don’t take my comments too serious.

Enjoy your trip.

Eric
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul

[anna]

Hi Eric,

I revised it again. Please take a look.

Thanks.

http://www.collectionscanada.ca/canvers-bin/entry?entry_nbr=186&page_rows=10&clctn_nbr=1&l=0
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Hi Eric,

I revised it again. Please take a look.

Thanks.

http://www.collectionscanada.ca/canvers-bin/entry?entry_nbr=186&page_rows=10&clctn_nbr=1&l=0
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[ericcoliu]

Anna:

我的淺見如下：

一只鸟 => 一樫鳥
听得到 => 在聽到
乘舟象云彩柔软滑行 => 我們乘舟像柔雲滑行
自天空之上和天底下 => 於天空之上和其之下
到达河面 => 順河而下
伴沙沙 => 隨沙沙


I have difficulty understanding the Chinese translation of the last half of the second stanza.

Eric
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul

[[ericcoliu]]

Anna:

我的淺見如下：

一只鸟 => 一樫鳥
听得到 => 在聽到
乘舟象云彩柔软滑行 => 我們乘舟像柔雲滑行
自天空之上和天底下 => 於天空之上和其之下
到达河面 => 順河而下
伴沙沙 => 隨沙沙


I have difficulty understanding the Chinese translation of the last half of the second stanza.

Eric
_________________
Time is nothing but a disquiet of the soul

[anna]

Hi Eric,

Thanks.

Changed it again.

Anna
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

[[星子安娜]]

Hi Eric,

Thanks.

Changed it again.

Anna
_________________
---------------------

Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com