酷我-北美枫

[星子]

绿党成员给我发来
一个请愿书链接。
竞选季节马上要开始了，
他们担心标牌成林
如废物展示。

那些标牌充斥着
硕大，鲜亮的脸蛋，
空洞得并比不过差劲的皮影戏。

我们不会认识他们，
我们只会知道他们的名字--
这就足够了，填进选票里。

我签名请愿书
请求那些候选人
走出皮影。

The Election Signs

The member of Green Party
Sent me a link with a petition.
As the election season approaches,
They concern the waste of forest of signs.

Those posters with faces, huge and bright,
but more void than the worst puppet show.

We do not know them,
We do know them enough --their names
to ask us to remember
and to sign for.

I signed the petition
and plead candidates
walk out from
shadows of signs.
_________________

[[ANNA]]

绿党成员给我发来
一个请愿书链接。
竞选季节马上要开始了，
他们担心标牌成林
如废物展示。

那些标牌充斥着
硕大，鲜亮的脸蛋，
空洞得并比不过差劲的皮影戏。

我们不会认识他们，
我们只会知道他们的名字--
这就足够了，填进选票里。

我签名请愿书
请求那些候选人
走出皮影。

The Election Signs

The member of Green Party
Sent me a link with a petition.
As the election season approaches,
They concern the waste of forest of signs.

Those posters with faces, huge and bright,
but more void than the worst puppet show.

We do not know them,
We do know them enough --their names
to ask us to remember
and to sign for.

I signed the petition
and plead candidates
walk out from
shadows of signs.
_________________

[星子]

While talking with Terry, I learnt a lot.
Here I want to write down some comments.

----I have asked the question about when I can omit some words like "the, a" etc. He said when the sentence is like a prose, it better to follow full grammar rules. If it is poetic, sometimes it is ok to omit.

He read this poem, said the open sentence is more like a prose, so it is better to add the "the" like:
The member of Green Party
sent me a link with a petition.

and it is ok to open like a prose, but the second verse: "the waste of forest of signs" is poetic, and double images and meanings inside...
"concern" is too weak. So I suggested "warn". He agree " warn of" much better.

Those posters with faces, huge and bright,
but more void than the worst puppet show.

the verse is poetic, to avoid boring, we could omit "are, but" etc.

The last verse should be strong to support the poem.

So we revise it as:


The Election Signs

The member of the Green Party
sent me a link with a petition.
As the election season approaches,
They warn of the waste of a forest of signs.

Those posters with faces, huge and bright,
more void than the worst puppet show.

We do not know them,
We do know them --their names
asking us to remember
and to sign for them.

I signed the petition
and pled candidates:
"walk out from these shadows of signs."
_________________

[[ANNA]]

While talking with Terry, I learnt a lot.
Here I want to write down some comments.

----I have asked the question about when I can omit some words like "the, a" etc. He said when the sentence is like a prose, it better to follow full grammar rules. If it is poetic, sometimes it is ok to omit.

He read this poem, said the open sentence is more like a prose, so it is better to add the "the" like:
The member of Green Party
sent me a link with a petition.

and it is ok to open like a prose, but the second verse: "the waste of forest of signs" is poetic, and double images and meanings inside...
"concern" is too weak. So I suggested "warn". He agree " warn of" much better.

Those posters with faces, huge and bright,
but more void than the worst puppet show.

the verse is poetic, to avoid boring, we could omit "are, but" etc.

The last verse should be strong to support the poem.

So we revise it as:


The Election Signs

The member of the Green Party
sent me a link with a petition.
As the election season approaches,
They warn of the waste of a forest of signs.

Those posters with faces, huge and bright,
more void than the worst puppet show.

We do not know them,
We do know them --their names
asking us to remember
and to sign for them.

I signed the petition
and pled candidates:
"walk out from these shadows of signs."
_________________

[Lake]

To omit or not to omit: that IS the question.

Many haikus leave out articles in order to save syllables...
Terry gave a good suggestion.

I prefer "A member of ..."

[[Lake]]

To omit or not to omit: that IS the question.

Many haikus leave out articles in order to save syllables...
Terry gave a good suggestion.

I prefer "A member of ..."

[星子]

Thanks lake.

You always have sharp eyes.

I didin't make the full changes. Now 改了
_________________

[[ANNA]]

Thanks lake.

You always have sharp eyes.

I didin't make the full changes. Now 改了
_________________