酷我-北美枫

何均

塔（何均作）

我用石头筑建筋骨
我身高九层，耸立山巅
触摸云霞玩耍
俯瞰滚滚与红尘
我已沉默千年

我很实心，不要人
走的门和楼梯
就是要他们肃立仰视我
不许爬在我的头上
得意而忘形

但我喜欢倦鸟栖息
向天空放声歌唱
哪怕溜我一身白鸟粪
我知道我的身心很累
饱尝世纪和风雨

我已阅尽沧海桑田
再没耐心和等待
一个狂风暴雨之夜
我自行取消凌云和高度
归宿大地与自然

The Pagoda (Translated by Lake)

My bones and muscles are made of stone
As tall as nine stories, aloft on the top of the mountain
Having fun touching rosy clouds
Looking down at the world of mortals rolling on and on
For a thousand years have I remained silent

Solid inside, I have no doors
Nor stairways for visitors, who
Must look up at me with respect
And are not allowed to climb up on my head
Overwhelmed with their success

However I love tired birds' perching
And singing merrily to the sky
Even with their white droppings all over me
Undergoing wind and rain for centuries
Weary I am in body and mind

Having experienced many vicissitudes of life
I have lost patience to wait
Descending from the soaring height
On a stormy night at my own will
To the earth and nature I return
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何均

何均 · 发表于: 星期一四月 09, 2007 11:55 pm 发表主题:

辛苦Lake了，利用周末休息翻译拙诗．这里，我就感谢你了．
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何均

Lake · 发表于: 星期二四月 10, 2007 11:16 am 发表主题:

还在修改中，请大家多提意见。谢谢！

星子 · 发表于: 星期二四月 10, 2007 9:09 pm 发表主题:

Having fun touching rosy clouds

I don't know why I don't like "having fun..." seems too casual.

I may be wrong...
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Lake · 发表于: 星期三四月 11, 2007 8:31 am 发表主题:

戴玨

很出色的詩。

Lake

谢谢戴玨的详解。

星子 · 发表于: 星期三四月 11, 2007 2:15 pm 发表主题:

翻译这首诗歌....不容易

因为诗歌TONE is not easy to express....

thanks lake for good efforts.
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何均 · 发表于: 星期三四月 11, 2007 10:23 pm 发表主题:

我不通英语.
辛苦戴玨,lake,星子了.
向三位问好.
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何均

Lake · 发表于: 星期五四月 13, 2007 1:29 pm 发表主题:

谢谢大家的参与。把收集到的一些反馈贴在这。

I like the voyaging of the words in this poem.
--aleksandra

( "voyaging of the words", 有趣的评语。）

The imagery holds together well and flows vertically without a hitch and unites the whole well.
The conception of vertical movement along the floors and from top to ground is also original.
At the end you seem to land on familiar ground, our world.
--Nick

（Nick 的这番话反而帮助我进一步理解何均的这首诗。）

I really enjoyed this! It is a poem full of wisdom. I especially liked this stanza! It speaks of spirituality.

However I love tired birds’ perching
And singing merrily to the sky
Even all over me with their white droppings
Undergoing wind and rain for centuries
Weary I am in body and mind
--fader

(很高兴西方人能在译文中读出 wisdom, spirituality.)

I am Ozymandias, King of Kings!
Nice one.
--dedalus

(dedalus 总是有自己独特的见解。Ozymandias 这首诗还没读过，抽空要读。dedalus 能联想到Shelley 的这首诗，应该算是赞赏吧。）

Even all over me with their white droppings

i didn't like that.

i really enjoyed this poem. the detail. the imagery. all of it but that line!

it detour the beauty of the poem. it's "white droppings". maybe get rid of the whole line, i'm not sure.

but the poem is grand!
--MP

(我明白MP的意思，他不喜欢"white droppings", 是因为他认为白鸟粪破坏了这首诗的美。不过我对他说，这一行就是不能删，它表明了作者对要爬到他头上的人和栖息在他身上的鸟的态度。）

The lofty deceptions of arrogance - to the last!

good one.

--badge

(我一直感到奇怪，为什么badge 总是能捕捉到我写的及译的诗歌的含义呢？感谢。）

"However I love tired birds’ perching
And singing merrily to the sky
Even all over me with their white droppings
Undergoing wind and rain for centuries
Weary I am in body and mind"

I loved these lines so much, Well done！
--nia

（又一个喜欢的。）
。

何均 · 发表于: 星期日四月 15, 2007 10:38 am 发表主题:

真诚地感谢lake,太辛苦你了.我只能说多保重.
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何均

Lake · 发表于: 星期五四月 20, 2007 12:01 pm 发表主题:

听取了几位诗友的建议，作了如下修改。调整一些语序，减轻一些人对“白鸟粪”的反感，用回大脑中第一次出现的"play", 修剪多余的枝杈...... (感谢这些没见过面的朋友，如此以诚相待，真是我的幸运。Special thanks to Judi Van Gorder.）

Pagoda

My bones and muscles made of stone
nine stories tall aloft a mountain top
I play, touching rosy clouds
and look down on the world of mortals rolling on
For a thousand years have I remained silent

Solid inside, I have no doors
nor stairways for visitors, who
must look up at me with respect
and are forbidden to climb up on my head
overwhelmed with their success

I love tired birds all over me
perching and singing merrily to the sky
even with their white droppings
Undergoing wind and rain for centuries
weary I am in body and mind

Having experienced many vicissitudes of life
I have lost patience to wait
Descending from the soaring height
on a stormy night at my own will
to the earth and nature I return

。

Lake · 发表于: 星期六四月 21, 2007 6:46 am 发表主题:

（施工中......) 一鼓作气，现在来解决戴玨在后面部分提出的问题。这一段用的 ing 太多，不亲切，太学究，词句臃肿。这次的改动与原文的语序有些出入，为的是突出那些一下能吸引读者的句子，另外为了语义的流畅加了些连接词。请大家评评现在如何？

Pagoda

My bones and muscles made of stone
nine stories tall aloft a mountain top.
I play, touching rosy clouds
and look down on the world of mortals rolling on.
For a thousand years have I remained silent.

Solid inside, I have no doors
nor stairways for visitors, who
are forbidden to climb upon my head
overwhelmed with their success.
Look up at me with respect !

I love tired birds all over me,
perching and singing merrily to the sky
even with their white droppings.
But, weary I am in body and mind
for I've endured wind and rain for centuries.

From the many vicissitudes of life
I have lost patience to wait
On a stormy night, at my own will
I descend from my soaring height
to return to the earth.

再次感谢星子和戴玨的意见。Again, Judi, you are the star! Now,“weary I am in body and mind ”. Very Happy

.

戴玨 · 发表于: 星期六四月 21, 2007 9:27 am 发表主题:

現在讀起來更流暢了！
_________________
我的blog:
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1310527443

何均 · 发表于: 星期日四月 22, 2007 5:09 am 发表主题:

问好戴先生和lake.
谢谢你们!
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何均