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露易丝湖 LAKE LOUISE

 
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非马[FAFAFA]
非马作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2005-10-15
帖子: 1053

帖子发表于: 星期日 三月 25, 2007 9:44 am    发表主题: 露易丝湖 LAKE LOUISE 引用并回复

露易丝湖

这么妩媚娇艳的掌上珠
我见犹怜
难怪上帝他老人家
要频频交代

粗鲁的恐龙不能来
熙熙攘攘的观光客不能来




LAKE LOUISE

so delicate
so vulnerable
in a chamber
deep in the high mountains

alone

there's got to be a sign
guarding
this little girl
of God

NO DINOSAURS ALLOWED
NO NOISY TOURISTS ALLOWED
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星子[ANNA]
星子作品集

酷我!I made it!
酷我!I made it!


注册时间: 2004-06-05
帖子: 13192
来自: Toronto

帖子发表于: 星期日 三月 25, 2007 10:08 am    发表主题: 引用并回复

英文不错...

个人感觉中文少了诗意....
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期日 三月 25, 2007 1:17 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

非马先生的短诗真值得我好好学习。

Is this the same Lake?

Vulnerable 用的好。

I only stumbled a little at this stanza

there's got to be a sign
guarding
this little girl
of God

At first I read it as "this little girl of God", then I reread it as " a sign of God, guarding this little girl". Maybe it is just my habit of reading.
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非马[FFFFFF]
非马作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2005-10-15
帖子: 1053

帖子发表于: 星期日 三月 25, 2007 4:36 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

Hi, Lake,

It's the same lake. The English version of my poem is a bit different from the Chinese version. They somehow came out this way and I didn't feel I should change either of them.

I meant to read "this little girl of God." If it were "a sign.... of God," the separation would be too much. But any ambiguity is a plus for my poem. Ha!
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期日 三月 25, 2007 5:03 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

非马 写到:
Hi, Lake,

It's the same lake. The English version of my poem is a bit different from the Chinese version. They somehow came out this way and I didn't feel I should change either of them.

I meant to read "this little girl of God." If it were "a sign.... of God," the separation would be too much. But any ambiguity is a plus for my poem. Ha!


非马先生,

See, how differently people write about the same thing! I feel the tenderness in your poem.

哈哈, ambiguity. 我也希望我的诗里有呢。
看来,还是要相信第一直觉。第二种解读,是受了您的中文版的影响。同意,"separation would be too much", that is why I stumbled. 下次读您的诗要吸取教训 Wink :您的两种版本不是互译,是双语创作!

谢谢您的解析。
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博弈[Mark]
博弈作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-09-24
帖子: 1484
来自: San Francisco

帖子发表于: 星期一 三月 26, 2007 4:08 pm    发表主题: Re: 露易丝湖 LAKE LOUISE 引用并回复

非马 写到:
露易丝湖

这么妩媚娇艳的掌上珠
我见犹怜
难怪上帝他老人家
要频频交代

粗鲁的恐龙不能来
熙熙攘攘的观光客不能来




LAKE LOUISE

so delicate
so vulnerable
in a chamber
deep in the high mountains

alone

there's got to be a sign
guarding
this little girl
of God

NO DINOSAURS ALLOWED
NO NOISY TOURISTS ALLOWED


agree with lake on 'vulnerable' (hmm, should be Lake), i also like '掌上珠';a sweet, nice poem. as it should, read as what the poet suggested, i see no ambiguity though.
_________________
Sometimes I am busy
Sometimes I am free
In between, there's it
Until I find thee...
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不清[不清]
不清作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-03-22
帖子: 1364

帖子发表于: 星期一 三月 26, 2007 4:19 pm    发表主题: 引用并回复

This one is kind of interesting. I like the English version more. There is enough room for further imagination.
_________________
「四十二排浪,沒有一排是相似的」——不清

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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期四 四月 05, 2007 2:07 pm    发表主题: Re: 露易丝湖 LAKE LOUISE 引用并回复

博弈 写到:


agree with lake on 'vulnerable' (hmm, should be Lake),


What do you mean by this, 博弈?
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博弈[Mark]
博弈作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-09-24
帖子: 1484
来自: San Francisco

帖子发表于: 星期四 四月 05, 2007 2:45 pm    发表主题: Re: 露易丝湖 LAKE LOUISE 引用并回复

Lake 写到:
博弈 写到:


agree with lake on 'vulnerable' (hmm, should be Lake),


What do you mean by this, 博弈?


I meant that I agreed with you (Lake) the view on 'vulnerable'.
I keep delaying my flight, I will be away from convenient access after next Tuesday, so excuse me if I don't reply in the coming month.
Wish every poet/poetess the best. Smile
_________________
Sometimes I am busy
Sometimes I am free
In between, there's it
Until I find thee...
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Lake[Lake]
Lake作品集

二品总督
(刚入二品,小心做人)
二品总督<BR>(刚入二品,小心做人)


注册时间: 2006-10-10
帖子: 1341
来自: Sky Blue Water

帖子发表于: 星期四 四月 05, 2007 3:07 pm    发表主题: Re: 露易丝湖 LAKE LOUISE 引用并回复

博弈 写到:
Lake 写到:
博弈 写到:


agree with lake on 'vulnerable' (hmm, should be Lake),


What do you mean by this, 博弈?


I meant that I agreed with you (Lake) the view on 'vulnerable'.
I keep delaying my flight, I will be away from convenient access after next Tuesday, so excuse me if I don't reply in the coming month.
Wish every poet/poetess the best. Smile


Before you take off, I mean what do you mean by saying this (hmm, should be Lake)?

Wherever you go, whish you a smooth journey!
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