酷我-北美枫

游客

原文：

Go Home

The moon is sailing beyond the Rocky Mountain.
The waves are poppling in the Great Lake.
The sunrise is blazing upon the Pacific Ocean,
The breezes are blowing from the Great Wall,

My mind is a drifting boat,
With whisper stippling wishes;
My yearning is a still flame,
For trees surrendered in drooping.

A garden wandering in a dream,
A horizon chasing with wings,
A journey wading alone,
To home…

译文：

月沉洛山情悠悠，
浪搏大湖汇细流。
金乌翔海舞红袖，
风啸长城鸣不休！

乱绪如漂舟，
低语我所忧。
燎原星火胸中留，
不从风中柳。

梦园千遍游，
翱天双翼求。
孤桨涉水九万九，
只为故乡酒！

anna · Site Admin 注册时间: 2004-05-02 帖子: 7141

The english poem is more soft and lingering.

The translation is more majestic and powerful.

I like both.

Thanks,
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Anna Yin

《爱的灯塔-星子安娜双语诗选》
<Nightlights> <Seven Nights with the Chinese Zodiac> ...

http://annapoetry.com

朱新魁 · 发表于: 星期一十一月 01, 2004 5:31 am 发表主题:

不错，能口语化一些是否更好呢？
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朱新魁

Colin Campbell · 发表于: 星期二一月 04, 2005 9:14 pm 发表主题:

What a lovely evocative piece of writing.

星子 · 发表于: 星期二一月 04, 2005 9:20 pm 发表主题:

Colin Campbell 写到:
What a lovely ecocative piece of writing.

Thanks Colin. Welcome back.

I have tried a few haiku (Cocoon) (Moon ), you are an expert. Please share your insight.

Cocoon---

When dream is unwrapped,
beauty inside reveals truth:
change never ceases.

Moon---

Moon wanders alone
above the silvery street
weaving thread till dawn.

Thanks.

Colin Campbell · 发表于: 星期二一月 04, 2005 10:43 pm 发表主题:

Hi Anna,

I really don’t think I’m an expert but it was very kind of you to say so.

Here are some thoughts:

Cocoon

Perhaps this is a senryu rather than a haiku as it relates to the human rather than the natural world.

you might try …

unwrapping a dream
reveals truth in its beauty
change never ceasing

Moon

you might try …

Moon wanders alone
above silver streets sleeping
spins threads until dawn.

with kind regards
Colin

星子 · 发表于: 星期四一月 06, 2005 1:02 pm 发表主题:

Hi Colin,

I think "spin" is much vivider than "weave".

Thanks.

Anna
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