酷我-北美枫

[星子]

Don Schaeffer

My dream reveals itself
in the same style
as the bible. The kink
in my mind even gives it
a kind of sheen, like a tableau.

In the deepest days of Autumn
I wander the streets bereft
after my car and all its contents disappear,
after I return
from a long conversation with friends,
too long parked
at a stop sign.

In one version,
according to my dream,
I'm even without a coat.
_________________

[[ANNA]]

Don Schaeffer

My dream reveals itself
in the same style
as the bible. The kink
in my mind even gives it
a kind of sheen, like a tableau.

In the deepest days of Autumn
I wander the streets bereft
after my car and all its contents disappear,
after I return
from a long conversation with friends,
too long parked
at a stop sign.

In one version,
according to my dream,
I'm even without a coat.
_________________

[kokho]

拜读，没话说　：）

。。
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌

[[晓辉]]

拜读，没话说　：）

。。
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌

[星子]

主要是我没怎么看懂...所以想看看你们怎么看...
_________________

[[ANNA]]

主要是我没怎么看懂...所以想看看你们怎么看...
_________________

[博弈]

Moses ：The Hebrew prophet who led the Israelites out of Egypt.

虽是写梦，感觉有点第一人称意识流的写法。

I find some oriental sentiment in the poem; words unsaid create thoughts beyond text. The world is indeed mutually influenced. I especially like these two parts;
1)
“too long parked
at a stop sign.”
is wonderful. It could link to autumn, street, car, conversation, self or combined (my read)
2)
The closing text “In one version …without a coat” also excellent, easily again enriches the text above it.

Now,
“style, kink, car, stop sign,” show the writer is a modern poet; could be a rebellion Jew for referring to lower-case ‘bible’ and the grand ‘Moses' Dream’ this way,  over-read on my part, maybe.

‘bible’ should be Bible;

“as the bible”
as in the Bible or as does the Bible? This reflects poem title better.

“like a tableau” , ‘like’ is not appropriate as the text following, not needed;

“after my car and all its contents disappear,” inclusive, but ok in a dream, implies lost inside and out completely (could be a tightness of colloquial expression, I guess).

“long” no need to repeat, keep the 2nd one since it reflects the 1st one;

I like Fall better here than Autumn, relates better to ‘bereft’ immediately below.

The first two sentences, when read, rhyme a bit though not exactly.

Where is the dream? Sarcastically, all left like leaves or bereft before your Moses vision. In the end, I felt sadness mists words unsaid, nice poem.
Well, take it with a grain of salt, just my read, English is not my mother tongue; I had been wrong. So, my interpreted version is;

My dream reveals itself
in the same style
as in the Bible. The kink
in my mind even gives it
a kind of sheen, a tableau.

In the deepest days of Fall
I wander the streets bereft
after my car and all its contents disappear,
after I return
from a conversation with friends,
too long parked
at a stop sign.

In one version,
according to my dream,
I'm even without a coat.
_________________
Sometimes I am busy
Sometimes I am free
In between, there's it
Until I find thee...

[[Mark]]

Moses ：The Hebrew prophet who led the Israelites out of Egypt.

虽是写梦，感觉有点第一人称意识流的写法。

I find some oriental sentiment in the poem; words unsaid create thoughts beyond text. The world is indeed mutually influenced. I especially like these two parts;
1)
“too long parked
at a stop sign.”
is wonderful. It could link to autumn, street, car, conversation, self or combined (my read)
2)
The closing text “In one version …without a coat” also excellent, easily again enriches the text above it.

Now,
“style, kink, car, stop sign,” show the writer is a modern poet; could be a rebellion Jew for referring to lower-case ‘bible’ and the grand ‘Moses' Dream’ this way,  over-read on my part, maybe.

‘bible’ should be Bible;

“as the bible”
as in the Bible or as does the Bible? This reflects poem title better.

“like a tableau” , ‘like’ is not appropriate as the text following, not needed;

“after my car and all its contents disappear,” inclusive, but ok in a dream, implies lost inside and out completely (could be a tightness of colloquial expression, I guess).

“long” no need to repeat, keep the 2nd one since it reflects the 1st one;

I like Fall better here than Autumn, relates better to ‘bereft’ immediately below.

The first two sentences, when read, rhyme a bit though not exactly.

Where is the dream? Sarcastically, all left like leaves or bereft before your Moses vision. In the end, I felt sadness mists words unsaid, nice poem.
Well, take it with a grain of salt, just my read, English is not my mother tongue; I had been wrong. So, my interpreted version is;

My dream reveals itself
in the same style
as in the Bible. The kink
in my mind even gives it
a kind of sheen, a tableau.

In the deepest days of Fall
I wander the streets bereft
after my car and all its contents disappear,
after I return
from a conversation with friends,
too long parked
at a stop sign.

In one version,
according to my dream,
I'm even without a coat.
_________________
Sometimes I am busy
Sometimes I am free
In between, there's it
Until I find thee...

[星子]

博弈,,,谢谢...

Don will be glad to read your comments.

I am glad to have you shared your thoughts. It helps a lot.
_________________

[[ANNA]]

博弈,,,谢谢...

Don will be glad to read your comments.

I am glad to have you shared your thoughts. It helps a lot.
_________________